Friends for long or not? I need to hear feedback
Hey, as you can see from the title, this is merely about friendships.
During the year 2015, when I just finished High School, I went straight to college since I got accepted right away. I was already saying goodbye's to my High School classmates as we won't be seeing each other for a very long time except for my best friend. She and I went to college together but, she wasn't accepted yet as her parents wanted her to work for a while for half a year.
So I was the only one who went to college first. At first I was super nervous because I didn't know anyone at all, no one from High School I knew were there so it was just like getting to know someone from the start all over again. This time, it was full of young adults.
There I was, sitting on my first seat -- I looked to my left and the seat wasn't occupied yet. Students started coming in and when class almost starts, a girl sat next to me. I didn't want to say hi or something because I tend to make things nervous lol
Then when the lecturer was explaining about our assignments, the girl looked at me and said "Hi, I'm L." (Let's call her L)
I was surprised because her named pronunciation was the same as mine, so I was like bubbly about it. Then we instantly became good friends.
The next few days, we were just getting to know each other and all. In class, the lecturer told us to form groups of 4 and we had to do some activities. That was when we met with 2 more people who we became good friends. The two friends were already close as they were friends from High School until now, they were around 25 years old. L was 19 and I was 17.
Then in the class, we made another 2 good friends. But those two friends were in another group, as in, in our intake, we were divided into two groups. Group A and Group B, where Group A would come to class around 9am while Group B will come after us as our class was too full to fit. Anyway, so the 2 girls were from Group B and I was Group A together with L and the 2 friends.
The next week, we were in a different class and I made friends with another girl, let's call her Z. We immediately clicked.
Then there were 7 of us. Actually 8 but the other girl is really outgoing so she wasn't that much with us.
After getting to know each other within one month, I called ourselves Adventure Time because of how adventurous and random we were... well I loved watching Adventure Time too but the name literally suit us.
There we were, we were everyone's dream friends. We did everything a group of friends would do. We went to the cinema one time and cried our eyes out watching The Fifth Wave, we ate dinner outside, we went to college together every morning and usually do tons of funny stuff.
When our one year course was ending, I thought we'd continue together in the next course, you know like together until the end or something. Because what we did was like, so generous but there were times where we would argue of course, where we'd be mad with one another because of something stupid one of us did. But it made us closer.
When our course ended, L, Z, the two friends I made from the start were not continuing because our private college really cost a lot so they couldn't afford the next course. But I continued, together with 2 other friends. Let's name them H and R.
H and R, I found out that we won't be taking the same course and the two took a different one. It was like a shortcut thing, they wanted to take it so they could finish early I guess but I didn't want to take that shortcut, I continued the normal way.
Then it was already the middle year of 2016, where I made some new friends in my new course. Let's say they weren't great, I had none to make friends with, of course there was but we just didn't click unlike my Adventure Time. So, H and R still hung out with me whenever our classes ended and just hung out as usual.
All of a sudden, H, whom we knew was our drama queen was starting to hang out with a bunch of new people. Around 3 of them and R told me that she was ditched yet again. But I was like "It's cool, I'm here, we could just hang out together since you don't get along with the new kids." we were practically seniors already. H was actually the type to be caught in a drama or usually denies that she's fine but so much things are bothering her. But that's not the case.
A year later, this year, the year 2017. I completely lost all contact with everyone. From being so close and doing everything together to strangers and awkwardness when we meet face to face in a store or restaurant. Also from "Don't forget about me, we'll hang out soon okay? Even though we're separated"
And now the world of social media that surrounds in the hands of teens or young adults, we usually contact through there whenever we see each other's post of doing something fun or reminds us of something. I wasn't the type to post stuff online or tweet like them, because to me those constant posting and all will let me forget how the real world is, I'd rather live in the time than my eyes being glued to the screen of my phone. I am only on my phone when an old friend wants to talk or something.
I told each and every one of them that I'd be there when they need me. I'd never judge, state my opinion or talk shit. I am just there to listen without anyone distracting or anything. They replied "Thanks, I will remember that"
But once they have a problem or something, they'd go to the wrong person, the person who hurt them, the person they'd tell me about who hurt them. All I could do is watch or ignore.
They'd forget about me and my words, we used to write each other letter's on how we feel and promised but the thing is I stuck to those promises and words while they didn't -- they never. So, I was like, okay then...
I'm the type that just cuts off contact when it felt like a waste of my time, especially that long time friend that acts like they don't care about another friend who has helped them or talked something serious before and they thanked you genuinely for it. That's why my contact list are only a few people. It's easier that way to find someone.
There's this one time recently I realized that in Instagram, they have this 'Live' thing on the story section. You know when one goes Live and people just watches, give hearts or comments. When one of the them went Live, I obviously would support and talk a little then I'm off.
Remember L? My first friend in college, whenever she's Live. She'd pause the video. But when it was other people, she wouldn't pause it. At first it didn't matter to me because I thought it was just a coincident, but whenever L was Live and I got in to watch, she'd pause and it made me felt like I was the reason why she had to pause. I don't get it but maybe because she knew I would be completely cheery or loud on commenting but they do that to me and I didn't mind.
They suddenly have this "reputation" they need to uphold, they are actually well-known in social media. So they'd post stuff like those usual stuff like going to the gym or what they ate. When we were in college together, we didn't have that, they weren't uptight about social media specifically in Instagram. I treated them like family, like we cussed at each other, we say real things in front of each other.
Now it's just this thing where they're not them anymore and those walls of being inside social media, where it changes from the most kind hearted person to where they don't remember who helped them and just ignore them. It saddens me that a platform could change a person.
There were times where one of us would sit down and chat about old times and I indirectly remind them of where they came from and not get lost into the virtuallity of things.
When I chose to stop talking to them because obviously they have other people to hang out with who are just like them, they'd sometimes text me or whenever we meet in person, we'd talk in like, it's just us and I only get to see the real them. Whenever they need me, I'd obviously be there even though we hadn't talk for a while.
But when I need them, like for some things that they only know, I needed them and I want to hear what they have to say. They never talk back to me or answer my text. That was when I had to tell everything all over from the start to my best friend. She actually have the same thing going on and that was ironic of us. hahaha xD
So, there it is. The story I've wanted to let some people know, I want to know what they think... like it's not just me or my best friend. I wanna know outside's review or something. From your perspective, not knowing them personally or seen them. It's okay if there's direct comments or anything.
Thank you!! :3 -TunaMayo
Hi TunaMayo. Well, I read your entire post, and I'm sorry that all of these new friends you've made have kind of lost contact with you, your 'Adventure Time' as it were. I am not sure how much social media and alternate forms of communication come into play in the grand scheme of things here, but I will try my best to comment on all aspects of your situation here, as best as I can.
Firstly, let's focus on the good news - your best friend still talks to you! Even though you aren't in college together (did she eventually start college, then?) at least you've maintained a close friendship with someone. But I know all too well, it can be difficult to rely on one best friend - especially when they aren't around all of the time, and it is easy for two people to grow tired of one another.
L, Z, R, H... All 8 of those people total, whatever their names are and whatever they were like... I'm sorry they haven't been there for you as friends whenever you've had problems. You know, I was having a discussion earlier today with my parents, and we concluded that most people are just funny like that. I have never been to either one of my friends' houses, and anytime I spend time with them it's either because we're at work or want to hang out and go to some stores or get food. It's a shame because I feel like real friends can go spend time with each other and hang out without worrying about having spending money. I also feel like real friends would immediately tell you to come on over and roll out a sleeping bag if you've gotten locked out of your apartment on a super-cold night, but both of mine didn't want to come right out and offer that when I called them up.
Friendships are difficult to manage. I think I've never had much luck with trying to befriend a 'group' of people like you did. You said it yourself that you usually are more successful keeping a smaller group of close friends....well there you have it, that's because trying to divide your time and energy between lots of different people is difficult, and usually it's better to have those one-on-one conversations, and to hang out in groups of 2 or 3 instead. I know the idea of having a group of buddies who are all friends with one another is a nice one, but in reality usually your friends aren't always automatically going to be good friends like you are with each of them. A lot of the time those group friendships form when two people are already friends, and then they befriend other people, and then those other people try their best to make the bridge to their friends' friends. Sometimes the friend who introduced you to another friend kind of leaves the picture and you become better friends with this new person. It all depends on how well everyone's lives mesh together at any given point in time. And most peoples' lives do not run parallel.
I think it's possible maybe you will keep in touch with some of these people, but you more than likely won't keep in touch with all of the Adventure Time. Maybe one or two of the girls will start hanging out with you again - who knows, maybe even the really outgoing one who wasn't around much will surprise you and want to hang out more. The thing is, life is going to continually lead you in new directions. And maybe some friendships are best viewed as a moment in time when you were briefly in sync, rather than as a lifelong thing. But two of the girls were already a few years older than you, and two of them decided to take a different path with college. How long until some of your friends become mothers, and have children to prioritize? Friendship can't always come first.
One problem I see is that you have this thinking that you should cut people off. You stop talking to people...why...because you don't hear from them for a little and they have made some new friends? Because you helped them once and they made another mistake? You are only adding to your own problems by building more barriers - you should have an open door with this thing and just kind of see if any of these friends get back to you.
Another problem is.... As mature as you are about not letting technology and social media interfere with life, you also seem to be falling into the drama a bit yourself. Look, I know it's all probably difficult, but the fact of the matter is you have only known these people since 2015 - that was two years ago, and actually we're just 4 months into 2017. Most of these good times and bad times you've had with these people have taken place within a fairly short timespan. It seems immature to dwell on them when, in a long-lasting friendship, those low points probably won't matter so much after knowing each other for many years.
You should also try to be happy for your friends that they found new friends who they are getting on well with. After all, you did the same thing whenever you and your best friend parted ways at the beginning of your college adventure. Does your best friend resent you a lot for that? I'm willing to bet that she is happy for you, that you found new people to talk to and befriend while taking this next big step in your life.
I hope some of my response is helpful for your reflection!
Hi there!! Thank you for your response and I have reflected a little bit and opened myself a little more :3 cause I decided to post this story to the public so that in the future I won't have to face this further from the feeling I felt -- at least I realized it early than to be overthinking in the future.
There is actually 1 out of the group that I talked to and she's really ready to hear whatever I have to say or something xD
Actually my best friend is facing the same thing, she made a group of friends and ended up like my situation. After a year of me being in college, she came in the next, but she took the advance course and mine was still in the normal level, it was really hard for us to meet most of the time but we texted the whole time even though we just live 20 mins away. Then our friendship went down the hill for a while but we are fine with it now, things are okay.
But all and all, thank you again for the response. I feel a whole lot better xD