I need help. I cant deal with my mother anymore!
So, I'm one of 7 kids. The 2ND eldest. My older sibling has moved out and has her own kids. My role in the family is basically the one who has to listen, the one who can't have a bad day because someone else there has it worse.
Cut a long story short: I moved in with my boyfriend about a year ago and it didn't work with me living there so I reluctantly moved back with my mother and 4 younger siblings. (Other brother lives with our dad)
At first my mum was all open arms and "glad to have me back". I then started a new job. I came in from a 15 hour day once and she completely went crazy on me calling me every name under the sun because I didn't help her look for her cigarettes. Bear in mind I'm always the first one (if not only one) to run to her every beck and call. I tidy the house from top to bottom when she's not there and I've been babysitting my siblings since I was 13 near enough every weekend so my mum and step dad could go out. He's now in prison for the 2ND time and due to be out this month. And while he was in prison I took on the role of 2ND parent, apparently I still do nothing.
Anyways, that passed with my mum once I bit the bullet and played the bad guy. So she was being all sweet with me until last night (with rows in between then and now). I'm on the train from work and she asks of I'm in tonight, I reply yeah but I'm staying at S/O place why? Expecting a reason. She replied nothing it's fine making out like its no big deal. I got in from work, another 15 hour day. And as I step foot in the door she goes out on me! Shouting about how she's got it hard and whatever. I'm like okay anything I can do? She says no that she's already done everything on her own and that if I'm leaving then I should leave quick because I'm gonna piss her off being there. So I get up and me and boyfriend go to leave so I say goodbye and say I'll see her soon. Her reply? "I fucking doubt it!"
I leave. She then texts me saying sorry. I say it's okay bit I don't see what I done wrong and I don't wanna be an emotional punch bag anymore and that it's not fair that I'm the only kid that makes her life easier and I bear the brunt of all her issues.
She then goes off on me again saying thanks for making her feel like shit and "well good job you got your boyfriends place again ey!?" And that she won't reply as she's pissed off and will start spilling some so called truths. I challenged this and had to reply.
I don't know what to do with her anymore I can't stand being treated like this! She makes me feel guilty for even having a life of my own! And she's sick of coming second best by me.
There's so much more to this but I'm draining myself. Please help me.
You are a good person and a wonderful daughter to your mother. Your mum sounds like a master manipulator. It sounds like whatever you do for her is never good enough. You deserve to have a life,to be happy. It isn't your responsibility to be there 24/7. If I was a mother and I had a daughter like you,I'd be counting my lucky stars. If your bf makes you happy and relaxed and moving in with him will make you feel slightly freer of her,I'd say do it,don't look back. If she texts you with how hard everything is for her,ignore her. Your mum has to learn that she can't keep taking you for granted. I know she's your mum but she's making you feel guilty and miserable. You have a life. It's time for you to be happy. You deserve it.
Thank you so much! You don't understand how much that means to just hear that especially from someone who doesn't even know me. It brought tears to my eyes.
I've tried so hard for so long just to try and be the people pleased but I can't take it anymore. She doesn't see how much I've done for her at all and I don't know what more I can do.
I've been staying at my boyfriend for the last 3 days and she still hasn't spoken to me. And in all honesty I don't want to go back. I can't face that awkward act and/or go crazy on me again, but I have to.
I have to wait until the end of the month to get a place but that's still so very far away.
My boyfriend messaged her to ask if me and her are okay and she played the victim straight away and said that she tried saying sorry and I threw it all in her face.
I feel so done.
"I feel so done.'
Then - be DONE!
Detach - with love. Stop being manipulated by her. Stop being bullied by her. Stop your role in the family as being the 'fixer" to a dysfunctional marriage or household.
You are going to need support for all this because it's so ingrained in your psyche to be the placator (peace maker) for the entire family.
Find a counselor and find yourself. You deserve better and you deserve peace.