Something to worry about or cold feet?
LITTLEMOMMA17 - May 5 2017 at 11:39
OK, so I'm in a weird place. I'm needing advice because I'm having some issues in my relationship but I'm not sure if I should listen to my family members advice because they don't like the dude but then again I see what they're talking about. OK so
I'm going to be getting married to this guy I've been with for about 5 years now. I've known him literally all my life, we started dating in the 7th grade and now are at our junior year of high school, have a baby together and are about to marry. It's what I have always wanted. Except right now we have our own place with his mom little brother and sister.
ByI'm working 2 jobs, continuing school, doing both mine and his homework, being a good mommy, and trying to get sleep when I can and trying to plan this wedding. My man won't help with anything. When I tell him he needs to get a job he gets mad at me and we get in a big argument, where he guilt trips me into laying off of it by saying neither one of us will spend time with our daughter.
So he watches the kids while me and his mom work but when I get home makes sure I take our daughter and plays video games 24 7. He won't spend time with me and the baby without complaining that it's my fault that we never hang out or spend time together because I'm always working. Yet he wants me to be available when he wants anything. He won't usually touch me since giving birth unless he's all hot and bothered.
I mean I love him for the little girl we made and the person he used to be and sometimes still is. But I love his family they've been there for me more than my family has. What do I do?
From what you have posted, your 'man', unless he changes as he matures, is always going to be trouble for you. His actions tell you that he's pretty much a selfish person who expects you to do everything and in turn manipulates you to wriggle out of his responsibilities. The mind boggles why you need to do his homework because you're basically relieving him of one of his true learning responsibilities. You need to ask yourself what sort of a role model he is now, and will be in the future, for your daughter.
If you can see from where your family are coming from, without their dislike of your man clouding the issue, then it could be that they basically have you 'at heart'. This guy's family may have been there for you but they can't be there forever. You need to take your thoughts further and realize that all successful marriages need the daily input of two people in love with each other and who share the responsibility of both working together to keep it together. Ask yourself if this is happening in your relationship now and can you see a future where your man will support you and your daughter together without you having to ask him to at least, get a job, so that he can contribute.
Respectfully, while you come across in your post as a hard working and responsible parent, your man actions should tell you that he has a long way to go before he even begins to come up to your standards.
You can't possibly marry this little boy in a grown-up suit (unless you want an instant second child without the conception part, of course) simply to retain your quasi daughter status with his family. That'd be just too high a price to pay (Frustration City!). Who says you have to anyway, however? They're your child's granny, auncle and aunt, aren't they? There you go, then - continued contact guaranteed. Now you have nothing to lose, bar a monkey off your back.
What about they themselves - do they tend to try to help out and ease your workload?
Not really. They don't try to help unless they want money from me. I'm constantly worried about not having enough money for bills and rent. I have thought about just packing up and leaving with her but I don't think that it would be right to do that. I'm just so scared. Thank you for the advise I'm sorry I just got back from work.
(Hey, don't apologise to me - as my tardiness here and now demonstrates, I'm not exactly a reliable poster lately (got a couple of big life projects underway).)
"They don't try to help unless they want money from me."
Pardon? What do you mean, "want" money from you? Do you mean, your rent/bills contribution and whenever it's a little late coming? Please don't tell me you mean to say they leech off of you AS WELL AS HIM?
Shall I presume, going by your urge to leave (were it not for misguided morality), that the answer to that question is Yes?
Scared of what? I'm not playing dumb, but you need to say it out-loud (so to speak).