Does this make any sense?
So, after trying to start over, again, my husband has said that he is so tired of trying that he would rather be alone then have to jump through hoops in this relationship. Is showing genuine love for someone supposed to sound so painful and exhausting. After asking what these hoops are, the discussion went on to how needy I am and I want to much attention. Let me bring to the table that I am by far not spoiled, I got $19.99 pajamas for Christmas and nothing for Valentine's Day. I love holidays and make sure there are decorations around the house and there is a gift for him. He doesn't show attention or affection unless he feels like it and it's usually only a few days about once a month. I have become completely lonely, uncertain and insecure and especially confused of what a marriage is and our roles. He said he'd give me more attention if I worked and paid half the bills. (He knows that I wouldn't even make half of what the bills are) When I tried confirming that getting a job would result in him showing me some sort of love, he said he just doesn't think hes the kinda guy that has that to give. So, this means, I would have to work 40 hours and keep the house clean and cook and what ever else the wife role is that I already do and don't mind doing even though he said he still probably won't be
What do you mean that your two are "trying to start over."? What happened?
You two are miles apart on what you want from a marriage and your expectations from your partner.
Have you gone to marriage counseling?
Ages? children? arranged marriage?
Unfortunately it didn't show my entire post, I ended it with the question of, should a wife have to have a job in order to be shown live and affection by her husband? We've been married 25 years and it was always me trying to live up to my share of responsibilities by working, the household and running around 4 children. We split up for 3 years and he "learned his lesson" you know, Rhebgrasss "isn't any greener on the other side" but after about a year and a half it wore off. Now I'm the crazy one and needy and always " up his ass" with my affection. We've done ever kind of therapy there is to do.
This sounds more like a bargain and not a caring behavior or sound relationship. he posts you an ultimatum-i will be more attentive if you start bringing money on the house. Fine, then you split all the home activities - he does the dishes and cooks three times a week. But it's just not right to go that line, moreover-yu have been married and apparently this has been burning him inside till his breakthrough...
Wait always like this?
25 years is a long time to get habits entrenched in the marriage.
Are the kids gone now? Maybe he thinks you should now be working if they aren't home to caretake.
Are you (as a couple) having financial problems?