Fear of losing reputation, will kill me eventually
I'm 24 years old , male , work as a model for 4 years , i have lived a good life and made good decisions for myself and the others.family , friends .
I met a good girl recently and we are dating just fine.
About 25 days ago , I got really drunk , I don't drink often , fifth times a year at max.and I sent two photos of myself naked , in bad positions , to two strangers (man) in a social media like Instagram , after I got sober and woke up , I realised what mess I had done...one of the two men sent a text like when can I meet and so .I panicked and got really upset , I'm not gay , I don't know what triggered this action , but I know don't have any kind of tendency towards man , so after it happened , I panicked ,deleted the account and didn't think about telling them to delete my photo at least! and now I can't find them.I really worry and I can't live my life ,my GF always tells me you are great and all but why you look serious and frown, so everybody started to feel that something is bothering me and the fact that I become aggressive. if they use that picture in some social media , people who know me will look down on me.I don't want my family and GF to find out , and every body who knows me...I can't live cause I'm always afraid , since my people look up to me and rely on me , they will turn away or if they don't they will behave badly towards me....since that happend , I can't focus on any thing...I have to appear on some TV shows and I'm afraid to do so , be cause it can raise the chance of being seen by those guys.even if they don't say anything , if they used my photos , or someone who got my photos from them use it in a some social media , and people who knows me see that I will be ruined . I don't unlike gay people me as straight and model it ruines my image.I can't help but worry , getting depressed , like life isn't sweet as it used to be....I don't work out for my job since that happend , It could compromise my job too...I think to myself , what's the point of work out and be in shape when they found out it doesn't matter anymore , no matter how popular I become..they would say he is some low and pathetic guy who did that.I don't know what to do...this worry that at some point in life somehow the two photos will be seen by someone that knows me...caused me lose the interest to try anything for my success , I don't see no point....I would be ruin , this day or day after that or after that ...it goes like this...if you can help me with this u would really helped saving ones life...cause as irrational as it may seem , it is very serious issue for me...my consciousness is occupied 24/7...I can't talk with therapist about this , I know they sworn , it is not an issue , I can't talk to them.Im ashamed.so that's not a option for me at all.so I came here and shared it.thank you for listening.
I don't think you have much to worry about. If you deleted the Instagram account the photos should have been deleted too. So the only way somebody would have your picture is if they downloaded or screen captured them. But then they would have had to capture your real name as well. Are you using your full real name on Instagram? I have a couple of close gay friends who use on-line communications, there does seem to be some respect within the gay community not to out people.
If these photos haven't surfaced by now you are probably okay. I would do a search on the user name you used on Instragram to see if the photos have come up and every name you use on the Internet. If nothing comes up you are probably going to be okay. You are not the only one who has had this problem. Millions of other people have sent naked pictures to somebody (myself included) and then regretted it later. You did the right thing, deleted the account. Breathe a sigh of relief and move on with your life positively.
"I don't know what triggered this action'
Sure you do - the drinking and the need for attention / fame/ exhibitionism.
Learn from this experience.
Google yourself and see what comes up.
Mostly likely you are one of many guys who post pictures like that and you are no longer that important, especially sine they can't get in contact with you.