Recently I've discovered that some members of my boyfriends family do not like me.. for no reason what so ever I'm a nice, genuine, kind girl but I 've heard them pick on me behind my back then act nice to my face, my boyfriends told me stuff they've said about me to him, now I can't stand seeing my boyfriend around them knowing what they said about me and him, I'm so angry but it's almost as if im jelous were constantly arguing over pathetic things but the real reason is his family:( what do I do?
I've been married for a bit now, my in laws are very much the same.
Thought they aren't nice to my face, they are fake nice. So much so that it's so obvious you want to throw up, for feeling like being in high school again.
My Mother in law talks so much crap about me it's unreal, she should have her own article about all I'm doing to make things worse,
when in reality, I've only steadied my husband. I made him feel like someone had his back
when it came to his insane family.
I understand completely that jealousy, and truth be told, it's not actually jealousy in a sense. What you are feeling is worry. Worry that he may believe those things his family says.
Worry that you start believing those things, and most importantly you are not only worried, but afraid he isn't sticking up for you.
They are his family and always will be. Families have opinions on their members partners for concern.
How long have you been together?
Do they have actual concerns or just gossip?
I found in order to stay married and not divorce over my in laws, was to let it be. Play happy for them, and support my husband.
I don't talk trash about them with my husband, I only raise concerns if I feel it's needed.
Sometimes they want the best but can't see the best for their son/daughter/neice slapped them in the face lol.
Avoid fights with him about his family, give him support. He's telling you things which is a good sign. Don't let them ruin it. I almost let my in laws ruin what is the best relationship I've had
Oh, well, this happens to me too. His family doesn't even care enough about me to talk to me. But to be fair, my husband's parents have passed away when he was a teenagers, so that only left him with his 4 siblings and his aunts from his mother's side. My husband said they're really not the type of family who would care about each other, the no-family gathering type which at first baffled me since I come from a big, tight family. We practically have family gathering for every occasion we could think of.
But then, I went to his aunt's house for Christmas and finally understand when he said no-family gathering type. No one came to visit on Christmas day, everybody is doing their own thing and didn't even bother to text merry Christmas. But that wasn't the worst part, the worst part is, I was sitting alone, dumb in their living room where the rest of the house was sitting in the kitchen. They didn't mind me at all, not even a hello, or even a handshake. I felt so invisible.
But I soon made peace with the situation since I could see the silver lining in it. The ignorance family means that I didn't have to deal with his side of family ever for the rest of our lives because to be honest, dealing with my own family is hard enough, I don't need another set of ignorance family to messed up my life.
And then, my husband and I got married which at first I thought was fine, our wedding went smoothly and it hit me. One of my friend was sitting right behind his family at our receptions and actually heard they were trashing me at my wedding. They said stuffs about me being a bridezilla, control freak, which I'm sorry to say, I wasn't and how the hell would they know? They didn't even involve in my wedding planning. I felt so embarrassing, since they openly said it and my best friend heard it all. I felt so stupid. But then, I figure, whatever, let them speak about me for all they like, I don't care, I have married my husband and I'm so happy.
S, I guess, my point is, don't get carried in their gossips. People would always talk behind your back, there's always going to be bad talk about you and you can't help it. Just make sure whatever it is that they're talking about is nothing but a mere, empty, useless gossip that people in their right mind, people who truly knows you, and especially your boyfriend would find it ridiculous to even hear it let alone believing it. Shows your boyfriend that you are nothing like what they said, always try to support him and bring your best smile to every family gathering. Let them know who you really are, let them see why your boyfriend falls in love with you. Just don't let their viscous words get to you, just shake it off and enjoyed your time with your boyfriend.
Poppy seed, I have almost the same situation with xxx12345, and your comment has been one i can relate so far.
My follow up question is, do I have to talk to my boyfriend's family to clear things out?
My boyfriend and his brothers (which recently I had trouble with) is quite close. And I dont know if I have to talk to them after they said all trash about me. Or let them be and go on with our lives? I want us (my bf and I) to be completely happy.
Thankyou all so much for the support and advice. Thinks have slowly been picking up, I'm trying my hardest to put my boyfriends feelings first and not me as much. The people who were nasty were his step family it's been a challenge to try and keep a smile on my face and over come my fear in stillworking on it but It's been our first year together and hopefully many more to come xx