PeoplesProblems Logo

I'm in a sexless marriage

Default profile image
First of all, I love my husband very much and I can't imagine my life without him. We've been together for 4 years before we got married 9 months a go. We had premarital sex with each other in the first 2 months of our new relationship. We were both in our mid 20's and both were virgin at the time. Our first time wasn't that great since we were both freaked out by the blood and I was panicking from the pain but that first time really bonded us together. The sex that followed afterwards were pretty standard, he was quite active to initiated sex although from the first time we were having sex to this day I hardly orgasm. For 4 years of being together, I orgasm twice. But as our relationship grew, we did less and less sex especially when we decided to moved in together before marriage. When we moved in, that was when the sex drive was pretty low. I always be the one to initiated sex and I think he obliged just because he didn't want to offended me. I was pretty bumped when I realized that our sexual intimacy time were all initiated by me, if I hadn't initiated it, we probably would spend our entire alone time watching TV on our bedroom. These last two years of us living together, the sex has been just a routine, once a week by my initiative and to be honest I got pretty bored of doing the same thing every time and sex wasn't at all enjoyable anymore since I practically had to beg him to do it and the worst part is our foreplay is gone at all, so the sex became painful, very painful. These days are the worst of it since I am now 6 months pregnant with our first baby and he didn't even want to touch me. He was scared that if he's so much as to touch me, he might hurt the baby and I have to convince him that the baby is okay. I tried to get him to read about an article I found about how sex is perfectly safe when pregnant but he doesn't even have time to read it and keep it in his head that sex will hurt the baby. So now, I'm pregnant, big as a house, low self esteem with a husband who doesn't like sex. I'm a very sexual person too, so I'm ashamed to say that for the last 2 years I have been into porn and pleasuring myself when he's at work. I hardly watch porn before and I didn't even know how to pleasure myself to begin with in the first place but the lack of sex in our marriage has taught me a lot about porn and self pleasuring which afterwards left me with guilt sometimes. It's not like I'm cheating on him, but that one secret that I keep from him really distraught me. But then again, how else am I going to be able to feel pleasure from sex? My husband is a conservative too, so talking about sex sometimes is hard, he always tried to ignore the subject. When I bring out about a new sex position, he would just laughed at me and telling me that he likes our usual positions just fine and that would be the end of it. So, I really don't think I could ever brought up the issue of me watching porn and pleasuring myself. He could freak out and look at me differently. In his eyes, I'm his little, happy, asexual wife who cringe at the sight of nudity. I love my husband and I never once think about cheating on him. I thought I could do it but when faced with the real possibility of cheating, I chickened out and actually empowered my feeling for him. This is my first and only true love and I couldn't imagine how to live if I loose him. Our chemistry was perfect with each other, I know he loves me very much too and I know he's not having an affair or anything. I trust him completely, I trust our love. If you eliminate the sex part, then we'd be perfect even my friend said so. So, I guess, I just wanted to know if sexless marriage is possible? Could it last forever? And is it okay if I keep my only way to supply myself with pleasure without ever telling him?

I'm in a sexless marriage

Default profile image
Well I think you should try and find out maybe he's having other affairs outside your marriage that pleases him then doing it with you. Try and look into his phone,mail,social profiles maybe you will see anything that will give you clue.

I'm in a sexless marriage

Default profile image
OMG That is a mirror image of my life so far (porn included), girls offering, and then I back out - of course with girls - they get real pissy when you stand them up. Was never sure I could pull it off. cept my wife has a mental break down, and 200% religious - out of the blue and therefore - what we do is a sin,. Either I offer, and she agrees, but its more like sympathy sex, and I can solo for that attitude, so I "cancel" the whole affair, I am super sexual, even at my age - and we go without out for months at a time - so nice to know Im not the only one that resorts to the self-service-station. Men and women chemistry is different. Men are physically stimulated - its unavoidable - just watch a man when a girl walks buy with the yoga's and the CT showing, or most of her breasts are hanging out - women on the other hand, MAY scoff, but dismiss the whole ordeal, us guys - NOW we're mentally and emotionally distracted from our work. With that said, It might be possible, as he gets used to you, seeing you pregnant is not "tripping" his visuals . the foreplay, I believe that he is giving in for sympathy sex, and skipping foreplay, just to get it over with. careful with the porn though, it will make the experience even MORE worse than it already is. The more you pleasure yourself to it, so does your fantasies, fantasies that he will most likely not be able to fulfill. It is a never ending battle with the porn. Suddenly what he does, will become boring to the point, that you might eventually look "elsewhere" to get that "high" you are giving yourself - that he cannot. From my personal experience, sexless marriage cannot last. You cannot live in a marriage w/o intimacy - at least I cannot. It will break down. Sad thing is you can never "make" someone like you, or have sex with you. They either have or they dont. People can "learn" to become interested - if you can find his buttons that work, but in the end, from what you say, that part of your marriage has gone stale. I agree, he may not be cheating on you, but he may have simply lost his sex drive. It is sooooo spooky your relationship is like mine - or - maybe it is a very common situation, the cliche "other than the sex-lack of, everything is perfect" - seems to be common. Maybe people with these situations should consider surrogate sex - is that possible? hmmm....NSA, and FWB are perfect for this - wonder if the lacking-partners would agree :-) Feel free to contact me - love to compare notes - somewhere, our spouses share some common ground

I'm in a sexless marriage

Default profile image
Well I guess I can't top the last person being as though I too am in the same boat! I have been with my boyfriend for 9 yrs and no sex for the last 5. I use the porn but it sorta gets a little old at times but you gotta do what you gotta do sometimes. It bothers me to CORE and it shows but for his is lack of not really paying attention to what's going on he doesn't realize that this bothers me and changes my mood! I tend to get really quite and distance. And then he gets pissy and the entire house just shuts down. Checking the phone and email may let you know what you what to know but it can also open up something that you may not want to know. This situation is a painful situation and sometimes the other person doesn't want to see that.i would to compare notes but i think mine would be mind blowing!

I'm in a sexless marriage

Default profile image
Poppy, Take care of yourself and have a healthy baby. Then get yourself and him into counseling. A sexless marriage is frustrating. If you are convinced that he is not gay or having an outside affair, then he has a VERY low sex drive. Get him for a physical ASAP. Insist on it!! He doesn't like to talk about it? Too bad!! This is not normal. You didn't sign up for missing a huge part/joy of marriage. You are going to have to be very assertive about this.

I'm in a sexless marriage

Default profile image
i am a very sexual person, also. i have had some hints lately that my husband is cheating on me. but this is not reflected in our sexual relations. we have always had sex twice a day at night and in the morning. i pleasure my self during the day when my young son takes a nap. when i was pregnant it had no effect on our sex right up to the day i delivered. I don't know how you can handle a sexless marriage i certainly could not. i suspect your husband has a hormonal problem so suggest you talk him into getting a physical as well as emotional counseling. you should tell him you will not accept a sexless marriage and he needs to address a solution. if he really loves you he will respond. you are young and can start over as better choice over a sexless marriage.

This thread has expired - why not start your own?

B-5