Sexless marriage due to mental and more
KAYNE - May 17 2017 at 22:15
We've been together 15yrs, married for 11yrs. It has been nothing short of a nightmare. It was only until a few years ago, through one of our many violent arguments (nothing is ever physical, although words can hurt), that I found out why she was even interested with me: I could provide her with a stable home - but that is for a different topic. Yes I have a gold digger.
Due to mental issues (bi-polar and schizophrenia and a few other including religious-scrupulosity[RS] - bad), our intimacy has fade to nothing.
her RS has played a major role these days (she did not have this when we first met - it came some time later), and she even classifies not having the sacrament of marriage a sin, and there fore sex is a sin now (she was very active in the beginning years - even stepped out numerous times with other - much older - men for her "scripts" and on occasion money - again another topic). Her new meds over the last 2 yrs has calmed her down and she is "normal" for the most part except the RS.
There is not much intimacy, and sex, if it even happens, I can only remember every other month - if that, and that is if I prompt for it, and she will comply - but I do not want to engage in "sympathy sex" and thus I TURN her "offer" down. It is not that I am not romantic, playful, due to her meds and RS it is almost impossible for her to "get in the mood" - she even admits it. I even told her I would get the sacrament, if it would make her happy. But then it turns into a "deal", a barter system? But all these - negotiations make me feel ugly, perverted and a ton of other sickening emotions that now draw me farther away from her. suddenly other women who are in the same boat, or the NSA, FWB types start to look appealing (ya I know - wrong)
been told I am easy on the eyes, very funny and very knowledgeable - been told that many times by several customers I work for (not uncommon to hear "if only you were single" ), and the thought these days is an affair. I like what we have outside the intimacy, but I don't want a room mate.
Even disclosing this concern makes me feel "bla..." or perverted and I feel I should put on a flame-proof-forum-jacket, but I might hear from someone that can relate.
Do I think she is back to "hoofin" again? not really, She is very compliant on all levels of the marriage (if you call it that) other than intimacy. Hugs, kisses, thank yous etc. are still abundant. But I still feel empty. I don't want a room mate. The arguments - which these days only happens if she is slack on her meds (which is another problem for me, I no longer what someone that my happiness is based on her meds) cause me to instantly go for the divorce papaers - but that is a ton of red tap, and expense and always causes me to back down
What do you guys think? For the most part, I am happy with her. But life with no "love" is nothing short of a border, and the fear of what she is like (from the past 9yrs) w/o meds it nothing short of terrorizing (complete with police calls)
since I am the only one that works (2 jobs - she gets everything she wants)
I feel you. However my boyfriend of 9 yrs has diabetes...and we haven't been intaminte in 5 yrs now. We've had some of the same issues...but any who hes been seeing a particular female and she said they had been sleeping together from the time he and i started dating...do i believe her..yes and no. I say yes because he keeps putting off getting the blue pill. But the older i get i karma isn't to play with. But i have to say no sex for 5 yrs is hard but i deal..and if you are truly happy im sure you will find away. But if you know sex is something you need just end the relationship dont bring more trouble into what you have.