I am in a real soap opera relationship. I am dating a woman in a small town... in this town also lives her ex husband, divorced for about 10 years. Also he current husband who she is separated from off and on for the past several years. The current husband has been abusive to her mentally. Kicked her out several times., abandoned her during travels in other cities and told her several times he does not love her and does not want to be Married. Each time they separate for a time and until recently always got back together after a break of anywhere from a few days to 6 months.
She has an ongoing relationship with her ex husband that is friendly but a little weird. She says she relys on him for financial advice and that is all well and good. But he also seems to give her relationship advice as well. He is upset that she is dating me and has been very angry and threatening toward her about me. Around me he is very cordial and friendly.
We started dating about one year ago for a few months when suddenly she dropped me and went back to her current husband. No warning, n real explanation. That only lasted a few months and then they separated again and after another month we started seeing each other again. Then after a few weeks she dumped me again because her ex husband told her to. That i was not right for her and not a good prospect or something. IN a few days she told me how much she regretted that decision and we got back together again.It has now been about a month and things seem OK but I get a feeling I am not so important to her, more of someone to lean on but not someone she is committed to.
I still have to endure her drama about how her ex husband is angry with her about me. She says she doesn't like it, and needs to keep him in the picture for financial advice. I have to listen to this weekly. Then now her husband is angry about me as well. He seems to want her back yet again. I have to listen to this drama. All he says to her and how she has to put up with that etc etc.. but again she will not divorce him because he has military health insurance that covers her while they are married. It is a very good benefit and comparable coverage would be very expensive to purchase on her own even if she could.
I am getting very tired of this and I suppose i am not so sure I will not just be dumped to the side again at some juncture. Today was a very difficult day for her with both of these other men on her about me. We went to dinner and dancing last night, had a great time and a great time together at her home afterwards. Today we were going to have dinner again and just relax at her home. Then these two men get on her about me and last night dancing together at a local restaurant. Then tonight instead of wanting to be with me for some comfort and relax she wants to be alone. That hurts and makes me feel i am just filling in and maybe just feeding into this drama she has created...?? what advice can anyone offer on this.. I do have strong feelings for her, and feel like she has been beat up and hurt and i can be good to her. She has me confused.
Your best advice to walk away now. This woman isn't over her first marriage, let alone her second one. In fact, she has no business dating you and basically stringing you along while she goes back and forth between two other guys in her life. You need to set boundaries for yourself so that you basically protect yourself from this woman and HER issues. While you continue to date her, you will continue to feel like a used doormat whether you realize it or not.
You can't help or comfort this woman regardless of your feelings for her and her actions alone should tell you where you stand with her. Walk away and find yourself a partner who will, at least, respect you for who you are and one who shares your values and standards.