I hate myself
Hi all, I'm going to try and keep this small. This is my first time here. There's something I'd like to talk about.
I got into a relationship 5 months ago. She is a smart, pretty and an independent women. She has many guy friends too and her life pretty much revolves on the internet since her friends are mainly on the Internet! We're both from the same country- Australia.
Now, I know she loves me. However I can't get over my own insecurities and alot of other issues that I have. I over think, judge her, expect too much from her, over analyze situations and spoil my own mood when something doesn't go my way. I act clingy, I hate it when things don't go as per my own script which I created in my mind. I don't have a problem if she talks to other guys but I again over analyze it when she talks and my mood is spoilt. I repeat again, I know she loves me. But I constantly fear that she may not and I end up ruining myself. This is my first relationship and I know I am wrong here. I have tried several times to change but I have always failed. I cry many times and I feel like crying now too because I really hate myself for being the person I am today. I was a happy go lucky independent guy before I met her. It's like my happiness is dependent upon her actions towards me.
I cannot stand thus anymore. I don't want to ruin this relationship. She means alot to me. I just want to improve as a person but I am not able to.
Any kind of help will be largely appreciated!
Have you spoken to her about any of this? Voicing your concerns/doubts with her would be a great way to help you overcome them. You cant really keep them to yourself. If she knows your are going through this, as she loves you then she will be able to help you through this.