Why would my husband rather masterbate than have sex?
We've been married for 8 years, have 2 kids and both work full time. For the last 5(or so) years our sex life has been a roller coaster. Either I'm with a high libido or he is. But never at the same time.
More recently, over the past year I've woke to him masterbating beside me in bed. At one point I confronted him and I think he was embarrassed. He denied doing the action, and he didn't do it for a while after that.
Now he'll wait until he thinks I'm alseep and go to the washroom to jerk off. No trying to pursue me before hand. He used to watch porn but now says he's against that. He always has his browser on private so there is no history. I feel cheated out of intimate time with my husband. Why would he choose to wait until I'm asleep every night and then go do his business? Feeling pretty inadequate as a woman/wife I must say.
Is he no longer interested in me that way? I'm still in great shape and take care of myself.
Is he battling some other type of issues?
He could be battling issues, but you need to have a heart to heart with him because he's the only one who can answer your questions. Once you guys achieve that, by using communication and trust, it'll be easier for him to discuss with you any issue/s that he has in the future.
you need to confront your husband with your concerns and feelings. is he afraid of impregnated you? are you on birth control pills does he use a condom? i am on the pill and my husband refuses to use a condom. i am kinda happy about that i have been with other guys that did and enjoyment was less.
are you happy and loving couple or argue often? have you refused in the past when he wanted sex? do you ever give him a hand job or suck on his penis? perhaps he prefers this form of sex now?
I don't think it has anything to do with the fact that he does not love you anymore. Men are wired differently, I believe it is primal, they are wired to breed. They get bored with the same woman, perhaps become less attracted to the same woman and want sex with someone new. This is so difficult to say, but often not said. I think this is why porn/prostitution is such an epidemic, it gives guys the relief they desire. Not all guys are like this, but I believe its the majority, and I think it leads to many relationship issues. I imagine he is still doing porn, why private browsing?
Confront him try to get him to talk, tell him you are upset and you find his behavior unattractive (only if you do, of course). Stop making sexual advances and look sexy in public, but avoid letting him see you naked or in a sexual situation privately. My point is, take it away from him, give him a challenge again, look sexy, but not for him so to speak. Not slutty. Have fun with him, support him, love him, but make him work for sex. I mean, look your best, cut his ass off and see if he steps up to the base. He will probably start advancing, but don't let him woo you at first. This is a touchy situation, but if you love him, try to understand him, he probably feels super guilty and ashamed. If it works, you might just have a good sex life again. Just so you know, you are not the only one to go through this, its not you. disclaimer: this is only my opinion, from the heart, and I speak from experience. For the sake of your family, good luck.
Thanks everyone, I'm going to work up the courage to confront him on this..
I agree with MANALONE you need to sit own and talk, without being judgmental. You said your sex life has been a roller coaster. Most men masterbate, I don't believe you should make it a measurement of his love for you. A lot of mend don't know how to explain their behavior. Try to listen more than talk and don't make it about "you".
Have you ever masturbated? Would you be open to experiencing some form of masturbation into your sex life? Counseling could be helpful for both of you.