Getting through a breakup
This problem is nothing special but very difficult to deal with so I am looking for any perspective I can get. I was dating someone for almost two years, when he suddenly dumped me. I could tell for the last three weeks of the relationship that he wasn't very happy, but it still felt sort of out of the blue. He said I was too emotional and that he just wasn't happy. I'm struggling though because when we were together, our relationship was intensely loving. The things we would say to each other and the things we felt for each other seemed to me to be very rare and I always felt very lucky, and verbalized that with him all the time. But when he broke up with me, all of a sudden he was ice cold. I had a long, calm conversation with him when it happened because I wanted to make sure I would leave and not have any unanswered questions, and at one point he even said he wanted me to go because he was hungry. We spoke very briefly yesterday about something and he was so rude it honestly shocked me. I know I didn't do anything wrong so I'm really hurt and confused as to how he became this person who cares so little about me, can be rude to me and doesn't want to speak to me in the middle of breaking up with me if it's inconvenient for him because he's hungry. We are also in our mid twenties, so I'm shocked that he could be handling this in such an immature way.
And, now I feel really sad knowing that the loving, doting person I was with for almost two years is gone. It feels lonelier in a sense knowing I can never speak to the person he used to be because he has changed for some reason and now won't give me the time of day. If anyone has any insight as to why it is he's acting this way even though I took the break up in a very mature manner (not just saying that, when I left the conversation I hugged him and said I loved him and was very calm) I would appreciate it so much. I am so confused and hurt/angry.
I think the best way to pull through this situation is to keep a distance for a while. Both of you need a pause. Try to live your life, even to meet up with another men - it will be a cure.
I suppose it will be hard for you to switch your attention to another person, but you really need to make yourself do it, because it is the only way. I want to recommend you a good book http://findthereallove.com/freebook-fo/,
it is for free. I am sure it will help you with starting a new life.
And for sure, if your ex-boyfriend is really the very man for you, you will meet again through thick and thin in new, more happy circumstances!
Two people put into a relationship daily to make it work but only if they are happy to do so. When one stops contributing the other is left wondering where it all went wrong. You have done the right thing by yourself with your mature attitude towards your breakup and the trick is to keep walking away with your head up. Your ex's actions tell of a man who doesn't know how to handle the breakup that he initiated..he doesn't know how to act towards you whereas you have basically accepted it. It's bad enough being dumped and while you tried to get your questions answered, it's no use returning for more answers from a guy who doesn't have any.
Do you think he could have stopped contributing for his own reasons, or does it necessarily have to be something about me that made him do this? I am so lost right now because I feel like I have a lot to offer someone in terms of career, family, maturity level, etc. and I feel like all I did was be myself as much as I could the whole time we were together.
I know it doesn't sound like it now, but the best thing you can do is to accept this and give yourself time to grieve. the relationship sounds as though it had bits of immaturity on both sides I'm afraid, only now its become a problem and has left you both feeling tired and unbalanced.(your immaturity by clinging to him or a romantic ideal of him and his not talking). what ever the truth really is, the fact is that he doesn't want to be part of it anymore.
may be your partner is not able to deal with it all; but one thing seems sure that this relationship probably wont be going any further and it doesn't sound as though it would be good for either of you right now to try to salvage. sorry!
the only person that can really give you insight is him.
most people would probably talk in some way to say what went wrong, but maybe this person just cant say, and you cant force someone to say, you can only ask, if they respect you at all as a person they may eventually talk; but I'm not hearing someone who cares anymore enough and is tired and just wants to get end it with you.
the fact youv'e had a relationship for 2 years and you still don't know what went wrong and he cant talk to you doesn't really say much for you as the couple you both thought you were! sometimes things change and however angry and tired you both are, i think this problem goes back far more than 3 weeks.
maybe he did tell you and you didn't really listen to what he was telling you because your emotions got in the way, only you know if that could be part of it.
could it be that maybe your partner doesn't feel you can handle the truth without adding too much personal emotion again, and he doesn't want anymore emotion from you?
if you are an emotional person ok, but that isn't going to change so you would be better to look for someone who truly wants that kind of person to be with them.
I don't believe its is out of the blue for you (or him), but it doesn't matter now. you know now that he doesn't want to be with you so you would be better to respect the decision be happy that you did have some good times and know you left on your side in a loving way.
of course its going to hurt, but in the long run you will move forward and feel better.
you might be better off not looking for the truth anymore, as you might get more home truths than you can deal with! he has warned you already he doesn't want your talking or emotion; so if you weren't listening or missed the signs before, listen to them now!!!!! before your anger turns into being bitter!!!!!
all I can say is time will be the only thing that helps you deal with this and move on when you can.