I want to commit suicide
on May 30 2017 at 15:11
I am a 21 year old girl, and I feel like the last two years of my life has been the worst. I just got withdrawn from medical school and right now I feel like a failure. Have always wanted to study medicine all my life, never thought of anything else except that. Now I would have to enroll again to do another course. Everyone knows am studying medicine, they are already calling me a doctor now I feel like I have disappointed everyone and I feel like a failure. My parents have accepted it buy I don't know how to face their friends and mine. Can't even go out or lift my head am so depressed that the only escape I have is to kill myself I can't just continue to leave again with the shame. People say I should pray that probably that want my calling but I can't. Every time I try to pray something always prevent me from doing so. I don't even know when God is speaking to me. Please I need someone to help me advice me I just need someone that can help this pain go away please
on May 31 2017 at 03:55
Hi, Briella. Just to introduce myself I'm Nick and I'm pleased to see your asking for advice. Suicide despite everything going on in your life if never the answer. Medical school is a very stressful and expensive and you should never feel like a failure. Life is about trying things and seeing what works and what doesn't. Your parents have accepted your withdraw from medical school and that's good. You need to ask yourself how you feel. At the end of the day you are the one who is going to school and putting in the work. As long as you yourself are happy with your decision it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. I understand this is a rough time in your life but you need to persevere through this dark time and set a goal. Take it one day at a time. The expectations of others should never be a determining factor in something such as medical school. If you decide that medical school is what you truly want to do then start with finding out the small steps you need to take to begin getting back on track and setting yourself up for success. You only ever truly fail if you don't try.
I hope to hear from you again.-Nick
on Jun 5 2017 at 12:49
(So do I.)
Briella, no you don't want to commit suicide. You said it yourself, you just cannot see another way of stopping the pain.
Who told you life was meant to be pain-free or that it didn't serve some amazing purpose? Are you exacerbating your grief by grieving over the fact you're grieving? Do you think if you just accepted you were on one of the troughs of this here rollercoaster called life, you might possibly ease the pain to where it were bearable?
Also, failed attempts are the very pavoirs of the path called Success. It's called Practice. Which makes Perfect. By the time you face the end exams you'll be twice as capable as the other students at passing it. And for all you know, Fate/God intervened in order to re-set your timeline because otherwise you were going to end up out of synch with some really nice high thus would have missed it?
Here's how you face everyone: "The time obviously wasn't quite right so I'm going to try again".
Winners win because they try-try again. Or as Mary Pickford put it, 'This thing called failure is not the falling down but the STAYING down'. I'd have thought that, logically, were even greater reason to hold your head up high?
Stop beating yourself up. Nobody else is. Or - was this your (you think) sole source of pride?
on Jun 6 2017 at 03:14
I just read your post and take suicide ideations (thoughts) very seriously. Until all responses and comments to your post are explored, I want you to promise to agree to the following safe plan: (1) You are free to think about suicide but not to act on it; suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem (2) Have up to 3 people you trust that are non-judgmental that you will connect with if you develop a plan to attempt suicide and you have the means to complete it. You may use National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (1-800-273-talk or 8255) and the National Hopeline Network (1-800-SUICIDE or 800-784-2433). I will complete my thoughts in my next post to you shortly and I hope you will interact with me and the other posts to help us better understand your emotional journey. You will be in my prayers.
on Jun 6 2017 at 22:37
Hi Briella. I’m back. I’m the one who hopefully put a safe plan contract in place with you until all the posting is complete and more thought is shared and explored. That may mean that you need to interact with us through the posts.
All of us would love to take away your pain. But we can’t. All of us who take the time to respond, are voluntary care givers, not cure givers. That would be God. And there is a God. It’s just not us.
I know very few people who have such passion as you have for medicine. This is truly a gift. I don’t suggest medicine is your gift (although it may be). I suggest your passion is a gift. Most everyone who is as passionate, committed, driven, and even obsessive about anything, inevitably feel pain and frustration. This no doubt comes from the incredibly high standard someone puts on themselves to succeed. As a previous post suggested, this period in your life may be “growing pains” that is intended for great purpose. Perhaps you should read Romans 8:28.. Perhaps this is God’s response to your prayer. I assure you, He hears you, He knows your name, and He knows your passion. Shoot, He gave it to you. God always answers us. We don’t always hear Him, and more often we don’t like His answer, but He will always answer one of three ways…..NO, YES, and NOT YET.
Please keep us informed of your plans in your pursuit of medicine. This world would be a cheaper place without you!
on Jun 7 2017 at 18:11
I understand how you feel. I was a medical school student was well, but I have been suffering under pretty severe depression and anxiety. I ended up flunking out of school because I was suffering so much mentally I wasn't able to do anything else. On top of that, I have been having relationship problems with my wife and serious doubts about my motivation to be a doctor. My parents raised me expecting me to be a doctor, so I felt so much pressure. With all I had going on, I actually attempted suicide. Luckily, I failed and was taken to see a therapist and a doctor as well. In my case, it turns out I had a vitamin D deficiency that was making my anxiety and depression worse (I have struggled with these issues my whole life, but they have gotten much worse recently). I started taking prescription strength supplements, and that has helped greatly. There is nothing I can say that will make your problems go away, but I would strongly recommend seeing a counselor or a therapist, and maybe even having blood work done since low vitamin D, low thyroid hormone, etc. can actually exacerbate problems like depression. Like it was said in previous responses, try and take things one day at a time. That helped me immensely. Don't worry so much about the future, just try and get through today. Do everything you can to make today work for you. I know you can do it. We are here for you. Stay strong, and never give up. It is impossible to know the future, but whatever the future holds, it is possible if not likely that, at some future point in time everything will be so much better for you. If you take your life, you make certain that nothing will ever get better. I believe in you.
on Jun 11 2017 at 02:39
Briella You are not a failure, The greatest antidote to take away any amount of pain, Is to know God loves you and God is for you, I know your hurting, I know It may feel like no hope is left, But lift up head once more, Hope again, Believe again, Dream Again. You are Valued and Loved, You are not a mistake. Take things one step at a time, Relax and take a deep breath, You Briella are Created for Purpose, Don't ever let words steer you in the direction of you can't. You have a bright future ahead of you, Your Journey is not over, Look toward the great horizon of an amazing future that God has for you.
on Jun 13 2017 at 22:25
The people who have the most achievements are the ones who have had the most failures. Learning from your mistakes and your downfalls is the part of life that keeps you living. You're obviously very smart and know how to learn from your downfalls. I know you can get through this. I believe in you, your family and friends believe in you, everybody else on this site does too. We believe you can get through it. We know you can. I went through a period of 3 years when all I wanted to do was sit and cry and just be depressed and not do anything. But I'm so glad I got through it because I'm happy now and I always look on the bright side. And once your crisis is over you will be positive too. You seem like a good person who doesn't deserve not to bounce back from this. The worst part of my experience was that I had to go through it alone. You don't. You have got lots of friends and family that love and care about you and are willing to help. You haven't disappointed anyone. You haven't done anything that makes you a bad person. And you are most definitely NOT a failure. I came up with some weirdass analogy that may make you just think wtf but it helps. Life is like a set of stairs. You can't float to the top, you have to walk. Sometimes you will fall, but Briella, you will always get back up. I'm telling you once you get up you will sprint all the way to the top and be the happiest you can be because you deserve it. Don't take life too seriously, just have fun with it. Things will get better with time and trust me, I know, I had panick attacks for 3 straight years. Please don't do this, we need more people in the world like you who are passionate about helping people and just generally have good intentions. Hope this helped, stay positive xx
on Jun 14 2017 at 23:09
Hey dear, suicide is not the answer.
on Jul 10 2017 at 18:00
You're only 21. Suicide may look like a solution, but it would be only a waste of your talents!
YOU ARE GREAT! YOU ARE AMAZING!
Let's get things straight over here. (It may sound a little repetitive) This is your first attempt. Just don't give up. You don't have to face anyone! This is your life, you're the one in control, not your friends or your parents' friends. Also, if they're your FRIENDS, they will support you and give you a hand, cheer you up and tell you go for it again.
Let me tell you a short story. I'm a Oracle Database Administrator that has won 4 prizes for performance recognition on the customer side. I'm a tech lead and a reference for database administration, shell scripting and several other technologies. But, I failed the Database 101 course when I was on the University twice. I have taken exams to be certified and I have failed 2 or 3 times. Finally, I'm only 1 exam away from getting 2 certifications at once. But that's only because I keep trying. I'm just not really good at exams. Shame on the education system :P
So, do what you love! Don't let anything or anyone get in your way. If you want to be a doctor, you'll be an amazing doctor! Just try time after time! You will get to where you're supposed to be.
Nothing in this life is in vain. Every failure shows us important lessons. The more important being, taking the most out of it.
Think of it like this: When you become a medical doctor (see how I said when, not if) you'll have people's life in your hands. If you can't look at people right in the eye and tell them that you failed this first attempt, how do you expect to face a relative who just lost a loved one? This things harden you. That's how it's supposed to be.
You're not a failure, YOU'RE A DIAMOND IN THE MAKING!
Did you know that diamonds are so hard because they endure enormous pressures?
As a Medical Doctor, you'll have to deal with successes that will make you feel more alive than ever, but you will also have bad days when you lose a patient and you'll have to inform the relatives about what went wrong. It's life. And it's not pretty. So our "fails" shows us how to get up and keep walking.
Cheer up! There's a bunch of people here who is giving you support.
on Jul 12 2017 at 12:45
"Did you know that diamonds are so hard because they endure enormous pressures?"