EMMAJM - May 30 2017 at 17:15
My mam and dad finally let me get my ears pierced, I'm fourteen and today me, my mam and sister went to get it done. I was well nervous as I don't like pain and in my head I told myself it was going to really hurt. I asked my mam and sister what it was like and told them I was nervous but they told me to get on with it and ignored me. I was shaking so bad and I freaked out whenever the women came near me with the machine thing. My mam stood there looking really angry but didn't say anything. The women asked her to come and hold my hand but she wouldn't, if she did I would of been ok. In the end the women told me she couldn't do it if I wasn't going to keep still and said to go and calm down and come back later. We went to a cafe but my mam only got her and my sister a drink she said I didn't deserve one and went crazy at me and said she knew I would behave the way I did . she doesn't understand she never lets me say anything and tells me to shut up. When we went back to the shop I saw a girl younger then me get her ears pierced and wasn't crying so I decided to try again. Got in the chair the women tried again and I freaked out again and in the end she refused to do it. My mam made me apologise to the women and then slapped me around the face it was really hard, it was because she still had to pay for the earrings. She's now not talking to me and my sister was nasty to me on the way home and said I acted like a little kid. My mams told my dad who grounded me he never lets me talk either. My mam and dad say I'm not having my ears pieced now till Im old enough to go on my own because they won't come with me and I want it done so bad. When I get scared my mam dad and sister never care, never talk to me they say I'm a baby. my mam and dad don't like me they prefer my sister I can tell they never hit her and when good things happen to her they get excited it's not the same with me. I feel well alone in my family I've felt like this for ages and I don't belong at all.
Hi,I can roughly understand how you feel, I think you should talk to someone about it. Someone you know you can trust but I think it would be best to talk to a school counsel instead of a friend. But first I think you should talk to your parents about how you feel and your sister if possible. If they brush you aside then forget about them and don't think so much about it. Just hang out with friends or mix around with people who treat you with respect and understand you. Don't let the negativity that you feel from your family get the best of you, live your life happily and ignore what they think or say about you. If you let the negativity get the best of you then they would think that they were right about you, which in actuality they aren't. It's alright to feel nervous or scared when piercing your ear and plus your teenage so I don't see why you mum had to be so harsh on you, even if she had to pay for the earrings. If you don't feel that you belong to your family, then mix around with people that that you feel that you belong to. Good people, not people from bad crowds. Good people as in positive people. You can join a club or do volunteering work and such. Don't believe that you can't do it, just keep trying, if you fail then just stand up and keep trying until you succeed and ignore all the negativity. I'm sure you can do it! :-D
I can see it from your point of view, your mum and sister went with the impression that you were going to 'freak out', nothing else and maybe you fed off them being negative, if that makes any sense. Where was their reassurance when you asked for it? And being told to get on with it and ignoring you was quite aggressive, it didn't exactly built up your confidence. So I can understand the fear you felt by the time you were actually about to have it done!
Was a while ago but the first time (I got a few ear piercings!) my mum made it exciting and surprised me coz I think I had been going on about it for ages, until I drove her crazy. So maybe your mum and sister aren't the right people to go with, sounds like they were really impatient with you and you definitely didn't warrant a slap around the face, that was harsh, more so in public. You were scared with no reassurance. I would learn from this, read about it next time (if that will help you) and take another adult, family friend, an aunt, grandparent?
Also think about where to have it done next time, even if you do end up waiting till your old enough to have it done without an adult. If it was in the middle of a shop with people around looking at you, coz that's what people do, then maybe that wasn't the right place for you?
And just so you know, even though people have different pain thresh holds, getting your ear pieced doesn't hurt much, it's like a sharp pinch, but it's over with minutes. Anywhere else on the ear coz it's (obv) cartilage hurts a little more but on your ear lobe, nah, nothing to worrying about :-).
I would let your parents cool off a bit, wait till your sister isn't around because it sounds like she doesn't help, and tell them how you actually felt and that you don't feel part of the family. I think you need to tell them and talk to them about how they 'see' you as a person, they sound frustrated. You may be more of an anxious person then they are, nothing wrong with that, but I think it's important to be understood by your family so next time they won't react the same way...hopefully. From experience writing a letter helps too coz they can't interrupt you, take you time writing it too. It's a good outlet.
As for your sister, older or younger, I think you need to tell her not to talk to you like that next time she's not nice to you and walk away if you can or completely shut her off by not making eye contact with her. Stand your ground a bit with her, she clearly thinks she can talk to you in whatever way she likes but don't stoop to her level or argue back.
If that doesn't work with your family, then find someone else who will listen to you. I agree with the advice above, surround yourself around people, friends, family who are positive towards you. :-)
Agree and Agree!
EmmaJM, you're just sensitive, not difficult. The world NEEDS sensitive people like you! Frankly, these days there aren't enough of them!
I don't like how your family seem to be treating you, though. It's smacking of emotional (and minor physical) abuse, whether or not they even realise they're doing it. I agree you need to confide in any adult of authority whom you feel safe to trust and, starting with that ear-piercing incident, work your way back.
If you need to keep talking it through and out - feel free. This is your thread now.
Handing you back to the very capable Teddy and Lily... :-)