I'm not sure if its considered cheating
My boyfriend and I have been going through a hard patch. he has been having problems with this job and that's fine I'm very supportive I can financially take care of the both of us. I try to keep him motivated to still try even though things aren't great, but recently I have reconnected with an old friend of mine. We haven't met up and I don't plan on doing it, But long story short we have been sexting for a few days now if you don't know what sexting is its (sending naked photos to someone.)
We have had sex one time many years ago we were both drinking and we hooked up, not while I was dating my current boyfriend but before I even met him. I dismissed the guy as a one night stand being as tho we were both drunk but I genuinely like this guy, my boyfriend found out about this guy when I let him read through my old social media messages which I regret.I forgot that me and this guy (the one night stand) had talked about the night we hooked up,and he totally flipped out and blocked him on Facebook and Instagram. We both put it behind us but here I am sending nudes to the same man. I feel guilty about what I'm doing and I want to tell him but the coward in me is telling me to act like it never happened and stop talking to the guy. I really feel at my low point because my boyfriend is a really great man who doesn't deserve what I'm doing to him. I have needs too! I try to have sex with him and he never seems into it, Or one of us is never in the mood. I haven't had sex with the guy since that one drunken night but I'm really tempted.I don't want to go out of my relationship to get rid of my sexual tension but my boyfriend isn't "giving it to me" How I want it! He feels like he is inadequately equipped if you know what I mean.I told him that means nothing to me I mean I'm not shallow I've tried to show him what I like, and how I want him to do things but it's like he doesn't care or really isn't attracted to me. I've tried standing by him and not even trying to bother him with sex. I have tried to seduce him many different ways I have bought swings and so many toys and I still feel like our sex is bad. I'm not going to lie I have faked a few Big O's and I don't want to lie any more because I feel if he really tries to learn how to get me there I wouldn't want to have sex with another man. I don't want to seem like my relationship is all about sex because it not. All I really want from him is to be desired and to have more passion in the bedroom I love him dearly and would work things out however How should I tell my boyfriend about how I really feel about our sex with out hurting his feelings granted they will be crushed when I tell him which makes me not want to say anything, and do I still tell him about the guy I sent photos to? please help me!
If he is loyal to you you need to be loyal to him! Sexting is not ok...you said yourself he having a hard time with work..it is so hard to find a loyal loving partner so when you do...make It work!
Everything we do without our partners' knowledge or we know that they (partners) will be against it, is definitely considered cheating. you better talk to him sincerely. communicate with each other and it will resolve everything.
Hi, SG, I have questions...
What are these problems with his job as mean you now have become sole provider? How long was or has he been in that job?
How long have you and he been together romantically, and at what point did you move in together?
Where did you meet? Can I hazard a guess at, 'dating site'? Or a friend of an ex? (Just something in me water.)
At what point in the relationship did he switch to Rebuff mode? Presumably he used to be unable to get enough of you or else you'd never have agreed in the first place to become serious and then cohabit - correct?
Why would anyone flip out at what at that point was effectively a GHOST? Oh, (s/he said, sarcastically) was it promised to him that you were a virgin prior to being ceremonially handed to him or something? Or a nun, maybe (who fled with him from the convent because he was just too damned delicious)?
Sexually possessive and jealous back then, was he? Yet nowadays seemingly happy to leave you sat vulnerable to the wolves? (Curiouser and curiouser, said Alice...)
By the way, you're trying to say he'll do anything (half-heartedly) but penetrate you, aren't you?
Question: do you know FOR A FACT that he's no longer earning or not earning sufficient lately (whichever it is) or has this information come purely from him/his mouth?
PS: Women's reasons for cheating can be very different to men's. IMO, focusing on reading between all the lines about *him*, you're not cheating. Literally, in your case, as well as diagnostically. You're using cheating as a tool. For signalling. ...Quantifying. ...Your utter, 'do or die' desperation and despair.
(Have I hit the nail?)
If so, you don't have to lower your usual standards and pride in yourself just to self-medicate, there are other, less self-harmful methods and tools.
I would just message this chap to say you've suddenly woken up with a shock to what you're doing and that it must stop immediately, to please forgive you for having involved him without really meaning to, take care and have a nice life, etc. Undoubtedly he'll want to mount an appeal, but just the one repeat assertion and apology from you should suffice. If he keeps pushing or trying to engage you (say, in an argument), tell him - With regret, you're going to have to be cruel to be kind by now blocking him. And then do so.
You'll probably find your libido quietens a good fraction once you do that. Because (again, if I'm right) your libido right now is mostly merely a tool for regaining your lost self-esteem.
I'm afraid I'm going to have to agree with NEIGHBOUR. I also believe if her boyfriend found out about the sexting the relationship would probably be over.
I think you should openly talk with your partner. Sex is not all in a meaningful relationship, but certainly it's part of it.
It's like saying: My car is not 1 wheel only. Of course is not, but it needs all 4 wheels to ride properly. just chose your words carefully, and tell him what you need during sex. Ask him to be open to you as well and to let you know if he has lost interest because of a particular reason.
Cheating or not? This is like saying that masturbation thinking in somebody else instead of your partner is cheating. Some things are just fantasies and they stay that way. I don't think you have cheated, but there's a wide scope there for different opinions. Nevertheless, the fact that you are feeling guilty means that maybe there's more than the sexting there. If you start involving feelings, then you're cheating, to yourself.
Think about it, see what is what you need and start from there. Being open and truthful to your partner is the key. You can tell him that you're feeling the urge to fantasize because he is not filling up your libido gauge.
If he doesn't like you, then he should be on his way and let you on your own way to find somebody that fulfills your expectations.
Nice post, Silvarion. :-) Just got to make a very tiny adjustment (for the archives/future readers), sorry about that:
"the fact that you are feeling guilty means that maybe there's more than the sexting there."
More emphasis on 'maybe' is required. Some people are what's called over-socialised, meaning, can feel guilt or a far greater degree of such than the average person and/or than the situation ordinarily warrants (the sexting lasted only 'days' in combo with zero plans to take contact further), or even however much contrive it, in order to artificially justify spilling the "nearly" beans (usually because all other more normal, 'reasonable' avenues of approach for gee-ing their partner up have failed).
I agree with your 'urge to fantasise' theory.
Thanks a lot SOULMATE! I will correct that! :) English is my second language and I've been using it only at work. Now I'm here because I can help people and read a lot to learn a little bit each time about the English language as well.
Is it? Crikey, it's better than most English people's! (But don't tell them I said that. ;-))
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tell him Sarah reffered u to him and he'll help.
You sound over-dependent on outside, paid-for help !!!, as if you have zero trust in your own intuition, "Sarah Nagy". As well as (i.e. 'or') eager to exploit the wounded and desperate by pretending you're not Leonard himself, but a satisfied client of his. "If" YES.... contact *me* on [e-mail address removed]. I'm *very* sure I could help. Tell yourself Soulmate refered/reffered/re-furred you and I'll help. Or is that 'hellp'? (With your atrocious spelling, who knows/nose?!)
Sorry you're so desperate to drum up business that you'd go so far as to trawl the 'intensive care' unit of an 'emotional/psychological hospital' for punters, in the process pretending to be your own customer, but the FACT you see nothing wrong in trying to fleece i.e. exploit i.e. ABUSE the already still-bleeding and -reeling "Great Abused", is probably, no ABSOLUTELY, why you're that devoid of custom to begin with.
I realise the above message is just a programme and there's no-one there. But this response in "ACKCHEWALL" FACT was for the benefit of anyone uninitiated and trusting enough to even *consider* contacting 'you', only to get caught in your web. Much better to say WHY I'm deleting than just delete.
(So...Get it, peeps? ;-))
Unless Richard wants it gone, I'm leaving your prime example of wolverine exploitational tactics in place in order to explain and benefit my hopefully educational response.
Sorry - my email was removed because, unlike you, I didn't try to get around the auto deletion programme. So - "oh, no, I didn't think of this!" - I'm going to have to repeat it, this time with brackets and spaces, and thereby suffer the fact of it getting highlighted, "oh, how embarrassing" (plus, you may well in fact be manual):
(bog @ off . com)