Need advice... can anyone relate?
I was looking online for a forum where I could vent my situation and hopefully be offered an opinion and/or advice to help me. I am 56 and my husband is 11 years older than I am. We have been married for 7 years now. Before we got married we were both in pretty good shape. I hit the gym regularly and was a size 2. He was not actively working out, but was only about 10 lbs. overweight.
Here is the situation. Over the last couple of years both of us have gained weight. I had not been going to the gym anymore and he would inevitably bring home junk food, i.e. pizza, fried chicken, wings, chips, subs, etc. And I had gotten into the habit of eating this crap right alongside him. I could have refused, but I didnt. Also we had both quit smoking which did not help either. This past year I really put on some more weight, and he put on a lot of weight too. We had a rough year last year trying to move into a new house. When it finally happened in late August, I decided that a new house should bring on us going on a serious diet and exercise program. I found daily healthy foods to get us started in the right direction. After awhile, it was no longer a diet, but a lifestyle of eating healthy. To this day I am still implementing it and do not miss junk food one bit.
We also started exercising by me power walking and him walking around our neighborhood. Then I decided to try running since I was no longer a smoker. Over time, little by little I managed to be able to run 2 miles without stopping which I do at least 3 times a week. We also joined a gym and go there 3 times a week.
Now here is the problem. I have worked so hard because I hated being overweight and was embarrassed at how I looked. I have managed to lose 23 pounds and now weigh 112 pounds. My husband, on the other hand, originally lost 8 pounds, but then just kept making excuses as to why he could not walk (his back hurt), or ride bikes (his back hurt) or he would say "he paid for it the next day" so he didnt want to ride anymore. In the gym the only thing he would do was work his chest, biceps and triceps...thats it. And occasionally the treadmill, but again he would say the same excuse about how he would feel the pain the next day. He has also not been adhering to eating healthy. In the morning I offer to make him oatmeal or eggs, but he will make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. I pack his lunch for work to include veggies, yogurt, chicken, etc., but I know he is eating junk in the cafeteria. One day he brought his lunchbox home and he hadnt eaten anything in there. I asked him why and he said "I had a salad in the cafeteria." Which to me meant, he ate bad food because he didnt want to eat good food. He has just fallen off the wagon and does not care what he eats anymore. I finally gave up and figured I cant nag him about eating right for his own good. He just doesnt care. He has gained back the 8 pounds he has lost and then some, although he tells people he has lost 12 pounds. He is 5'8" and weighs 220. His belly looks like he is ready to deliver any day now. I am so turned off that I am not interested in sex anymore. He just doesnt get it.
The bottom line is that I want him to lose weight for his health. He falls into the obese category and that is not good for his heart among other things. He has constant back pain and complains constantly, has been to doctors and is now going to physical therapy. I truly believe his back pain is due to carrying around all that excess weight. He never complained of back pain until the onset of weight gain.
Does anyone have any advice or suggestions as to what can I do to motivate him to lose weight? He just says he is 66 and it doesnt matter. He wears black shirts whenever we go out so people will compliment him as they make him look slimmer he thinks. Sorry I have rambled on, but I just dont know where else to turn. This is not something I can discuss with my friends, as I have tried and they just dont have anything to say. Thanks in advance!
The simple answer of it all is that you can't motivate him...he has to want to do it or he won't!
No, let's be honest - the bottom line is you want him to lose weight for his health *and* that of the marriage.
Fairenoughski. I mean, there's a little bit plump and then there's Closed For Business - right?
What do you believe is going to happen (or increasingly become the case) if he never does lose and instead keeps putting it on? I mean, since he must know it matters to your sex-life/love-life then - what does his stating it doesn't, actually tell you?