I don't know if I can stay with my S/O. I despise his brother!!
** I'm sorry for how long it is**
So. This all started about a year ago. I moved in with my boyfriend and his family.
It was going well for a few weeks then his brother started getting more and more volatile. He would make jibes at me and constant derogatory comments. None of which my boyfriend would say anything about. I started a new job and made a male friend there, my boyfriend didn't have any issues with this to begin with.
Then out of nowhere his brother comes in and starts calling me a "mind fuck" and a "psycho" and took it upon himself to scream at me telling me how I'm a who're for talking to this guy at work! Then, my boyfriend not only doesn't stick up for me but joins in with him and proceeded to call me a slag and everything else.
I left it there after telling my S/O what I thought and that I'd never forgive him or his brother and we continued like normal.
That's when his brother really got fucked up. I lived there for the next 6 months or so, and EVERY NIGHT WITHOUT FAIL. His brother would BANG ON "OUR" BEDROOM DOOR to shout "What are you doing!?" Sometimes this could be 4-5 times a night. He even kicked the door open a few times to have a go at us for nothing. It got to the point where we would lay like ironing boards to not get screamed at.
My S/O didn't do anything about this except reply "nothing". This infuriated me but I felt it wasn't my place to say anything, so I begged my S/O. Regardless it still carried on for the time of my staying. His brother wouldn't care about my S/O unless I was with him. If he was busy with his friends my S/O would be the last person he cared about.
Cut to the end:One day my S/O receives a phone call with his brother going mental. He proceeds to call me a "Rat" and a "Sket" and told my S/O I'm just using him and using the house for the Wi-Fi. (To which I wasn't even connected) so I had enough. I had it out with his brother and told him exactly what I thought, his brother also then told me when he hasn't got an issue with me, he'll make an issue to get to my S/O. I left, my S/O left and I stayed away. He only left for a few weeks. I didn't go back UNTIL about 2 weeks ago as Me and S/O are moving into our own place and had to sort paperwork. I stayed a few nights. Fine. The 3ed night as I was falling asleep at 1:45 there was a bang on the door. "What are you doing bro!?!" I we livid. I left in the morning and haven't been back since.
We even tested out if the brother can hear anything REMOTELY ANYTHING from his bedroom and he can't.
I know this is going to continue through the time I'm with my S/O and nothing will change. But we're supposed to be getting our own lives and I don't know if I can continue to be with someone when that means having to drag myself down and deal with his brother.
Any tips/advice PLEASE?
Whats the use of being with a guy who doesn't stand up for you or himself when it comes to his brother and abuses you when his brother does? It's not so much about you dragging yourself down and dealing with his brother, it's about you not dealing with either of them. If you haven't been back since the last episode, then keep going and find someone who respects you. You need to be able to live your life the way you deserve to live it without having people in it who drag you down.
Your SO's brother sounds mentally ill, or off his medications. I'm serious.
Your SO is immune to this kind of behavior, that he can ignore it.
He probably has put up with it so long that he thinks its normal.
What do other family members say about this behavior?
I suggest that you not move in with this guy. His family dynamics are off kilter.
I know. I've said this to him also. I wish he was on meds at least then there'd be a reason
and yeah as for my S/O he does and his mother especially is an enabler, she'll completely ignore everything and if she does have to respond she'll put it down to normality.
His family don't say anything. So I'm forever the bad guy for standing up for myself. When it exploded last time his dad said he ain't dealing with this and left.
And as for moving in, it's kinda a done deal as I've explained to him how I feel over the past few days and he's agreed with me. But I shouldn't have to worry about his messed up family issues that destroy our own life, you know? I just need something done with his brother. But his family ARE NOT going to do anything.
I get completely what you're saying and I've said it myself and to him. I've said it all. He never used to stand up for me at all but I told him its either he stands my ground against his toxic family or he's without me.
Since then he has been standing up for me and telling his brother hit it doesn't make a difference. I just wish my SO had more of a back bone because I know if it was my sister is tell her straight and make sure she was aware of the consequences if she continued. My SO attitude was he just wants an easy life but unfortunately that doesn't make mine ant easier.
Don't get me wrong my family is no picnic but they'd never subject him to things that I've had to deal with.
I just don't know what to do.