Sad heart; can't find an answer
I dont want to go into too many details but I have this giant big ongoing very dragged out problem where I'm from one country and my partner of 15 years is from another (Australia) and we have lived in his country since we met and have had three children together in that country. I have become more and more homesick over the years which has twice led us to try and move to my country buy both times immigration has been ridiculous (its the uk) and we have had to move back to Australia.
We are now in debt from the second try and emotionally its been a very hard couple of years to try and recover from it for all of us.
I can't help thinking about home all the time, especially when mum and dad are always sending me pictures on icloud which I receive first thing in the morning as soon as I wake up..
They are both turning 71 this year and I am constantly thinking about the clock ticking away with every day we dont get to see them.
To be honest I dont know how my partner and I are still together but we don't have anyone else because his family are very uninterested and we hardly ever see them (trust me I've tried).
I feel every day like I'm being punished for my choices ( by choosing to stay in Australia with my partner in the first place) but I was very young and I didn't ever think moving home as a family would not be an option.
I do everything I can to make the kids have happy, stable lives and it definitely shows but my heart feels so heavy all the time
I'm at the point where I feel like it would be easier to not hear from mum and dad any more because what's the point? I have always put my partner's career first and so I've never had a career and now I can't afford to go back even for a quick visit. it's killing me
Any thoughts would be appreciated; sorry if you need more info to make sense of this; if I go into too much detail I just get too emotional
Your doing the best you can. Have grace on yourself
The weight and stress is not yours to carry, Remember that your kids are proud of you, Look for solutions in trying to get in touch, E mail, Send your family letters, All the while calm down and take a deep breath, When life seems overwhelming try to remember good memories of the past, You don't have to feel stuck, Love yourself right where you are, I don't think you being punished, What all have you been trying to recover from?
I completely understand your situation, because I'm living like this too. I'm in the U.S., but across the country from my parents, married with child so I can't leave. You first have to forgive yourself. If you ever want to chat, please let me know.