Will I ruin fiance's life marrying him when I have depression?
BERNA - Jun 19 2017 at 07:50
In general I would like to know what people have experienced when they married a person who is depressed. We are both 26 and have been engaged for about 6 months and dated about a year and a half before that. Quick few details: He knows I have depression and knew before proposing to me. He is incredibly athletic doing Triathlons and is very healthy all around- I am not the slightest bit athletic or even workout. neither of us are overly social people generally but he loves and keeps his family close and talks/ visits often. I am opposite where I hardly keep in contact with mine and when I do it is in bursts here and there. His family has welcomed me and is very kind and I do care about them very much but much like my own I don't put real effort into building relationship. although my depression and anxiety issues isn't new I do feel worse last few months. He has been kind and will offer to help in anyway he can and because he is so loving and patient with me, I feel even more guilt being with him. I can't help feeling like I am wasting a good man with an incredible heart and loving family on me. He says he is okay with it and just wants to help but how can I marry someone when I feel like I am ruining his life by not giving him everything he deserves. I love him and when thinking about it, realize I am so lucky that he is so kind but know there is someone else out there more deserving and capable of showing love for him as he does for me. Can someone who knowingly (or maybe developed after marriage) married a person with depression tell me about life with a depressed spouse? if given the opportunity would you still marry that person knowing then what you do now? On the other side too, will someone tell me about being depressed and being married if the guilt goes away or gets worse? any advice or experiences dealing with this wanted.
I can't offer the best advice here, and I would ask others to jump in to provide feedback to you as well.
But I would say, it sounds like maybe you aren't ready for marriage if you're feeling this way. I mean, stay with this guy if you love him, but maybe sit down and have a conversation with him about how you don't feel like you're anywhere near ready for marriage.
I think I would generally advise against marriage at all anymore - I don't really see a point to it and I think it's archaic. It really just complicates things and will likely add to your guilt.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from posting a whole wall of text like I usually do, but if you want me to elaborate on my thoughts or respond more deeply I can. Like I say though, I hope this will get more responses.
Hi Berna, first of all i would like to congratulate you for experiencing true love. Not everybody are bleased with this. Nobody is perfect in this world. You are having some ailment and i am sure ur fiancé will also having some issues (not necessarily similar to yours but something). Which you/he will discover after sometime.
According to me life is this way.. Never perfect, sometimes to be happy about and sometimes to be sad. Marriage is a communion of 2 body, soul and mind. Where two imperfect beings comes together to share their happiness, sorrows, highs and also lows. It is a new beginning and when you have such a caring and understanding person i feel u can dive deep in without thinking much. Dont let your fears shadow your judgement. Follow your heart.. It knows best.
Now i am coming onto your second concern about families interaction.. You mentioned that you two are different in socializing.. The beauty of the relationship lies in its diversity. No two person are same and hence they cannot have same preferences.
I believe that every encounter in our lives has some lesson attached to it. Since you two have come together it is for sure that both of you will contribute in each other's life adding subtracting upgrading previous beliefs for example since u felt that u r lacking in this aspect there will be a desire to improvise that. At every junction of life we will be doing the same thing.. I.e. adding experience and evolving. Every experience upgrades us to a different level.
My final thoughts about your situation: i dont know whether you should marry or not but i surely know that your heart knows it all. I also know that LOVE has magic which creates miracles. With deepest feeling of your well being i pray that you are guided to take those actions which leads you to ultimate happiness and joy. May you experience BLISS.