Please help, wife cheating
I am a 40 years old guy, happily married for 10 years and a kid. I love my family and I spend a lot of time with them trying to give a healthy and good environment for my son to grow.
All was good, until about 6 months ago, my wife's android phone's screen broke. She bought a new phone and continue using her new phone. When I got the phone repaired recently and switched on, I could see her Facebook (fb) account still logged in.
I was shocked to see that on fb, she is a part of many adult groups in which adult contents are exchanged. Adult posts, pics and videos are shared in these forums, which she enjoys and openly discusses with the members of the group. Needless to say, the language is quite inappropriate.
In fb messenger too, i could see chat histories from unknown nymphomaniacs, which she has accepted to chat instead of blocking then straight away. The chat contents too are highly inappropriate for a wife & mother to allow for.
She has added many of such members in her friends list and thus, these unknown people have access to her our personal family photos and posts. All this on her real facebook profile. I started spying over her whatsapp and realized that few of these guys and girls are on her whatsapp too.
Even though I had been telling her about dangers of social media, she chose to completely disregard my advice and indulge in such online activities and completely risking the safety, lives and reputation of the family.
Though people ask her to send her nude pics, I have not seen any nude or inappropriate pics of her sent from fb, fb messenger or whatsapp, but the possibility can not be denied of such content being shared from other applications.
Her addiction with her phone is very well observed for the past 7-8 years and now that in the past 6 months, i have found such evidences, I am not sure how long this has been going. This might be on since the time I gifted her first smartphone, 7 years ago.
Since this discovery, I have secretly monitored her fb, fb messenger and her whatsapp and has been recording screen contents. At times, I believe, she knows that she is being spied because often some inappropriate chat messages are deleted. Though she has not openly discussed with me about she being tracked (how could she !!! ), I feel she has an idea that I am tracking her.
I have not spoken to her or confronted her yet. This is because, if I confront her and show her evidences which I had been recording, she might either pick up a fight with me or immediately become apologetic. In either case, this reaction would be only to supress my confrontation and I cannot expect her loyalty to suddenly errupt just becuase I have confronted her with evidence. I am certain, that she would again start something similar using a different approach, more careful this time.
It's like suddenly I am seeing a totally new side of my wife, and it's extremely disturbing to know this.
I love her a lot and she too says and shows that she loves me. But then, her online behavior contradicts what she says.
Please help me. I want her back in my life with focus on the family. I do not know how to get her back. Please help me.
Hi i understand your upset but..do u have a good s** life with her? Id stop spying..if u are unhappy about the situation speak to her.spying shows yr distrust and may cause her to end the relationship..u need decide if she dont change her behaviour can u accept it in future or will u end the relationship over.it
I wish u luck..
There's only one way she will focus back on you and your marriage together, and that's if she has the need to do it whether you confront her or not. It's a matter of personal opinion of whether you're doing the wrong thing by spying on her, but you need to understand that if she was 100% loyal to you, you wouldn't need to spy.
She can say what she wants to you in regards to your marriage and professing her love for you, but if she needs to be involved with inappropriate online activity with other people, which is her actions speaking, then you have your real answer as to where you stand with her. She has a problem with her marriage to you and it's up to her to tell you what it is. Once you have her answers, then you can decide whether your marriage is worth your effort but both of you will need to have the need to sort it.
Her actions betray you and your marriage together but if her issue is part or wholly an addiction, then it's her responsibility to fix it. Ask yourself why would your wife, who says she loves you, pick a fight with you, after you have confronted her with going online and interacting with others who ask to see her nude pics?
i totally understand that you are feeling as if your wife is cheating on you but i would like to present a different perspective.. your wife is an individual who have her own liking. i would like you to ask yourself a question keeping aside this fb and whatsapp matter "does your wife love you? does she fulfills her resonsibilities as a wife and mother well?" Lot of time a female gets so much tied up with her day to day routine that she seeks for some form of refreshment and maybe your wife has interest in adult contents.
First and foremost you need to talk to your wife about your concern. most relationship dies because of lack of communication. no matter how critical the subject matter is it can be handled like 2 mature adults. you can start by saying that you want to discuss matter like mature people to understand what exactly is going in her mind. if its just limited to phone i feel it will be just like entertainment but if its more than some concrete steps will be needed.
only by communicating you will be able to access the situation well. dont just come to any conclusion and give your verdict atleast give her a fair trail.