No friends, too ugly and my life is going nowhere.......help!
SCOTT020298 - Jun 21 2017 at 01:36
Hi, first of all I would like to start with the good points, it shouldn't take long. I am currently writing this on a ship over in Uruguay, I am with the merchant navy as a deck cadet so I get to travel the world a fair bit. I am from the UK and am 19 years old so still pretty young. I would say I am very spoilt as my family give me a lot of expensive things and am earning a fair bit on this cadetship. My family care for me a lot and spend a lot of time with me and my brother, all seems good so far but now to the bad points.
I have virtually no friends, I got bullied in high school by about 6-7 different people, it got that bad I thought suicide was my only option. I then left high school in 4th year to go to college to study for the merchant navy for a year, thinking it would be a lot better. Nope got bullied by another 2 people. I Then left to go to another college on the mainland for the merchant navy and haven't been bullied as much yet but people do occasionally make fun of me and i can't make any friends. I am literally the ugliest guy you could meet, people make fun of my appearance all the time, today one of the crew members didn't want to go into the city with me because he said he didn't need to, moments later I found out he went with other guys, I haven't had a girl properly talk to me in years never mind had sex or a relationship. I am that bad I get people randomly laughing at me in the street.
I am 6 ft 1, blonde hair, blue eyes, purple bags under my eyes that won't go no matter what I do and yellow teeth which is annoying because I have never had fillings or braces and look after them, I got them whitened twice last year and am as pale as a ghost. I am not good at anything. I can't sing, dance, play musical instruments, sports. There is nothing I can do, people always make fun of my intelligence which I am well used to by now and I know that I am stupid. What can I do. I have to deal with the cards I have been given.
The only person I talk to on social media is my mum, I have like 4 contacts on my mobile as well. It's safe to say I hate my life, I now hate going out in public because of the looks I get.
I went to a councillor once but it made me feel worse not better, people avoid sitting next to me on trains buses, airplanes, boats, you name it. I just want this life to be over soon. I am left depressed every day. I haven't had any friends for the last 3 years. All I do now is lock myself in my room, away from the world playing video games.
I forgot to mention, my personality isn't great either because of these things that have happened. I used to be the happiest kid in the world now I am just miserable and depressed!
Usually in life we are one of our worse critics. How many times have you seen a girl that looks perfectly fine to you incessantly worry about whether or not she looks okay? I think it's sometimes human nature to worry about looking our best, and to feel that we have too many flaws. In reality, you're just exposing shortcomings you see since you live with yourself - to others these quirks may be a breath of fresh air.
You're a fairly tall guy. Any guy over 5'8, 6'0 is more likely to have luck finding women. I'm 5'4, 5'5 at best and I've found that a lot of women want taller men. It's aggravating to me whenever I walk around the mall and see super-tall guys with these girls who are shorter than me. I think, "They are meant for someone more my height!" But apparently most women will overlook short men because they have too many insecurities. You can also date some taller women, which a short guy just can't do. I'd recommend you try that, so there will maybe be more short girls left for us short guys.
You're also pretty young. At 19 I hadn't done much with my life, at least at 29 my crowning achievement is having worked at the same place for almost 5 years. You're likely to change your scenes until you find one that kind of works for you. There will still be annoyances and bothers, but you'll have enough positive trade-offs that you'll be able to make it through each day and still feel abundantly thankful for all of the things that HAVE gone right in your life, the things that you are appreciative of. You know, like your good family.
Women nowadays are just not real great. Sorry, but that's the bloody truth. They're hypocrites and preach equality when what they really want is inequality in their favor. You just find the best women you can find and maybe you'll eventually discover a winner. You really just have to take what you can get, and make the most of it.
Bullies, well there are assholes all the way through life. But thankfully I don't encounter them every waking hour, so I live for the times when things are going well and someone isn't being a selfish toolbag that needs to make life harder for all involved.
Enjoy those video games. They are pretty great. Don't rely on others for your own happiness because friends and women will let you down whenever they decide to. Do your best to help others and make this world a better place, and whenever life starts getting to you, for God sakes man, buy yourself some alcohol and stay inside with your TV shows and video games and other things that make you happy. Be the person you want to be and be good to others. Hopefully a good life will follow.
hi friend.. it seems you are suffering from low self esteem, everybody in this world is with some flaws, but alongwith flaws we also have some speciality. you are too much focused on the physical shortfall while completly missing the good part of yourself. i would recommend that you need to first start counting your blessing and focus onto the good that you have. Life is very beautiful with all its flaws when seen with proper vision. Inspite of all odd there are people who needs you and looking for a true friend like yours. Mahatma gandhi have said be the change that you want to see in the world. First change your outlook towards your own self. Learn to love your self and you will see your outer world changing.
I completely understand that the bullying experience has left a deep mark in you and you are now mentally repeating those experiences. i would suggest that you forgive all those who have been on the opposite side. I know you must be thinking "how can i forgive someone who did so bad to me" but friend unless you dont forgive you will not be able to get out of that groove and secondly pyschologist say that we create our experiences. i further state that all these experiences are to make us stronger and help us grow, all you need to do is accept the lesson and the will disappear as they were never here. you need to focus onto the lesson, take it and allow other experiences to follow. which again will teach you new things.
few pointers that will surely help:
1. make a list of your blessing
2. have gratitude for these
3. try to pamper yourself as much as you can like you would have done for someone you love
4. Be the friend that you want.. whenever possible to whoever needs it
5. read good books
most important start using autosuggestion like "I LOVE AND APPROVE OF MYSELF" (From book "you can heal your life" by louise hay) 1000s of times a day.
its a great thing that you want to change your life. you have already moved 50% by asking for help. like its mentioned in bible Luke 11:9
So I tell you: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. now the doors are open my friend and few more steps and you will be enjoying the new life..
with best of regards and good wishes that you not only find a true friend but also love that enriches all of all. God Bless