Had been arguing with my husband of 21 years which I regret the day I ever met him to be honest. He said i had a little brain which hurt me because my father used to say things about me. My father once said, if I hadn't of met my husband i would of ended up a spinster and what's the attraction, meaning what did my husband find attractive about me. My husband as said when I was on anti depressants, have you talked to the wall yet and I once asked him if he had a photo of me in his wallet and he said, unfortunately I do and another time said to me, have I thought of becoming a mail order bride. To say I hate his guts is a understatement, I curse him like I did my father. Two evil horrible twisted men . These horrible people have knocked my confidence where I feel ugly useless and a waste of space. I realise they are evil and twisted to say these things. I would never dream of saying anything like that to my kids and for my husband to of said them things I realise I'm to good for him and he is the one without confidence that's why he knocks it out of me. I'm not happy with my husband and haven't been for years and years. I stay because I have no where else to go and I hate that I can't get away from someone who reminds me of my father who i have always hated for many years.
I am sorry you have to go through all of that. Definitely that kind of feedback puts you off and is saddening that some people abuse mentally other people. Abuse doesn't have to be just physical, it is also mental. The advise I can give you in the given situation is to try to create a different environment for you that in time will give your confidence back. Try to take a sport or some kind of activity that will take your mind of things. I know from experience, when one is down mentally is so hard to do something else. It takes all your energy and everything is so confusing. Try to think what is the one thing, or things you enjoy doing and will help you rise up little by little. Can I ask how old are you?
First things first: YOU ARE AMAZING!
I admire your strength, dealing and enduring so much abuse during so much time. It's time to take the flywheel and head were you want to be. A better emotional place.
Don't ever let anybody's vision of you become your own image. Their judgement is based only on their life experience, not yours. They don't know you as well as you do.
YOU ARE GREAT! YOU ARE A MIRACLE!
Do you ever realized that your presence here is literally a miracle?
The chances for you being you is 1 over 10 to the power of 2,685,000. That's the definition of an impossible odd. And yet, here you are. A full human being, at this very moment. Reading, smiling (dropping tears maybe) because you just realized that YOU ARE WONDERFUL, just by being you.
So, take the wheel. Make some decisions and head for a brighter future.
1.- Find a job.
2.- Get out of there.
3.- Work hard, study, become a better version of yourself.
4.- Be free! Be happy!