Feeling there is something wrong
Hello everybody, I don't know wheter I should put this under Emotional or Relationship but I chose the latter. In the past I have been betrayed by my first love. I cried, I felt very down but I recovered. Now I have met someone with whom I have fallen in love with. Suddenly all the old demons of my first relationship are coming up. I feel paranoid and whenever I don't know where he is I am getting the feeling something is wrong and that he is with others. With my first boyfriend I also had these "gut" feelings, and they turned out to be true... Therefore I am so confused right now. Is it because of fear that I am having these feelings again, or is it because there is really something going on?
I know this new guy since three months and we dated casually, two weeks ago he asked me to be his girlfriend. And I am not enjoying it. Only when I am with him I do. If I am alone, I am constantly panicking and fearing about what he is doing. And I know it sounds very stupid but I checked the snapchat map to see where he is. And now I am even worrying more because he is nowhere on the map while he always had his locations turned on.
Does anyone knows what I should do to stop these terrible thoughts and worrying? Tell him straight up that I am feeling like this? Or don't say anything and cut it off and find some professional help?
I would like to give you my POV about those feelings.
I have always thought that you "partner" with someone because you want to, not because you need to.
Let me ask you some questions:
- He asked you to be his GF, why would you doubt?
- He's not your ex, why would the story repeat?
- You say you recovered from your ex's betrayal. Do you feel OK all by yourself? If you think or feel "you need somebody on your side", then you're not nearly recovered.
- What is what you fear? To lose "a love"? You've been there, and you got over it. 4 years is a lot more than 3 months. You haven't fell in love. It's been only 3 months. That's not love, that's the drunk state where we get when the chemistry is doing its thing during the first weeks and up to the 3rd year.
Let yourself be free. Break the fear and go out and enjoy a good coffee, a nice read or a nice landscape. There are so many things to do by your own.
You may also talk with him and let him know that you're insecure. And ask him to not "waste" your valuable time, both his and yours. If he wants to be with you and you want to be with him, then so be it. Otherwise, just keep the friendship is that's possible at all and continue each your on way.
P.S.: The professional help is always a good idea.
Have a nice day!
open discussions and trust are always basic to a meaningful relationship so you should discuss your feelings of insecurity with your new man as well as your history with your ex boyfriend cheating on you. you should commit to trusting him more in the future. most men hate not being trusted by their loved ones. so i expect he will get upset with you.
professional counseling is a good idea to put these emotions behind you if you can afford the cost. going through life not trusting people is emotionally difficult. if you can't solve this problem you will probably never be able to have a long term meaningful relationship with any guy. please have faith in your new boyfriend and not assume he is a a copy of your ex boyfriend. most guys don't cheat on their lovers they break up with them before seeing someone new.