A 2 year love turns into tragedy
A girl I have loved for two years finally started reciprocating and loving me back. It started as a crush, maintaining friendship. Doing all the perfect things,supporting her, loving her, consoling her and loving her after a depressing breakup with her boyfriend(of a 6 month relationship only) Me loving her unconditionally even though she had a boyfriend. They break up in the most nasty way. Driving her into depression. I keep on loving her, supporting her through these times. Gradually she starts saying she is getting attracted to me. We start talking for hours. Start having long, passionate talks. Says she is gradually falling in love with me. And finally she makes love to me in the most beautiful way one day. After this day, she starts saying she has not completely moved on from her past tormenting relationship and wants a break from us. She says she is afraid that if she falls for me again she might get hurt and she will just be using me. I being blinded with love keep on supporting her, loving her in the most perfect of ways. Finally one day she says she does not like guys anymore and she cant love me the way i deserve to be. I keep my distance from her. Honoring her decision of staying alone. One day she calls me up saying she is missing me. The next day she tells me she is going back to her ex. When I ask her " what was my role in her life?' She answers saying she said and did everything with genuineness and asks me to accept this situation. She says she meant everything when she said she loved me and when she made love to me andeverything but she cant move on from her past. She calls me up appreciating me for my consistency and talking in the sweetest way, after a gap of 2 weeks and draw me in again. I fall for her again and text her back lovingly that night. And she texts me back saying she has her boyfriend around and she cant aacept all my affection and love that i shower upon her. I ask her why she gives chances to the guy who has hurt her so much and not me, she says she cant answer, but tells me she did mean everything when she said she loved me. Then when i unfriend her on facebook, she revolts and says that " You have done me wrong, as u said u loved me unconditionally and should have accepted this situation". To be honest, i have loved this girl for 2 years now. Even when she had fights with her boyfriend and in every walk of her life. And she drove me away every time saying she cant be in a relationship anymore. She told me she does not want want to be in love anymore and is making an independent life of herself and finally she goes back to her ex. and then she questions me for trying to eliminate her from my life?!!!!!! I am heartbroken and confused! I dont wanna talk to her and see her ever again. please help me!
You're on your right to take your own path.
Now, let's talk about this "relationship". Seems to me like she doesn't want to lose your support, but she's not willing to give you your rightful place. That is, she wants the rights but she doesn't like the duties.
If she loves you so much as she claims, then she has to "understand your situation" and accept it. Is for your sanity and your well being.
Also, I would say that the so called love that you talk about here is sort of a platonic thing, since you haven't had the time to really know her deeply and live with her. When we're "in love", we tend to discard the bad and highlight the good qualities of the object of our love, so I would suggest that you keep your decision strong and let her deal with her ex until she defines what she wants.
You can even tell her to come here and ask for help
Keep strong, you deserve better!
The last girl I dated, I guess I kind of knew it wasn't going to last, but I hoped it would last longer than it did. I was in it because I felt lonely, and for a little bit she was available and gave me a shot even though we weren't a perfect match. She was likely the most attractive woman I've ever been with so far, and it felt good to sleep with someone with such nice features, I sometimes worry I won't be able to top that, sadly.
Of course, dating her for those couple of weeks was tough. She already knew in her head that she wasn't going to be with me for very long, but she became controlling and pointed out various things around my house that I needed to change. "Don't use this kind of shampoo!", "Buy a shower curtain to go with the liner!", and "You don't want to use hair gel!" were among her complaints when she stayed over. Some of the things she said actually got to me, and I found myself throwing out an expensive bottle of shampoo and hair gel that I had hardly used because I was worried I had to get something more "natural".
While we dated, one of her major complaints is that she had a lot of things she needed to work on with herself, and she wasn't ready to jump into anything serious. When we broke up, it was because she said she wasn't in the right state of mind to be with someone, and needed to work on herself. A couple of months later I ask her to hang out as friends, and she reveals that she is seeing someone. Well, that was fast! Meanwhile, I am still single.
The way you gotta look at it is, you got to sleep with this woman. You got something out of it, so all of it wasn't for absolutely nothing. If you had devoted all of this time and care to this woman and had gotten nothing in return still? Well, you might still be following her around like a lost puppy, enamored with her - meanwhile you're not getting anything out of it, and she gets to feel loved from all sorts of people. But you got to have your way with her for a bit, so that's your reward for putting up with her bullshit.
I wouldn't even bother trying to figure out what's going on with her - why she is back with her ex, why she led you on and slept with you, whether she is lying or hiding something or whatever. Just be happy you got to sleep with her. Now I guess look for the next girl you can sleep with, and who knows, maybe she will actually be into you?
Get to really know them for a while brfore sleepimg with them,They may just want sex and nothing else .
Can you see that she is "all-self" about this? This girl wants the best of all worlds.
She used you as a re-bound man and wants to keep you in that slot - in case it happens again, which it probably will, since her relationship is flawed with him AND you.
She keeps her finger on you, so that you will be "there" when she needs you. She needs a fallback man.
So - it's up to YOU to get control of this relationship, which is to say END IT COMPLETELY. Block ALL kinds of contact with her. Don't answer any of her efforts to engage you in any conversation or bargaining about your relationship.
Of course, this will take courage and determination from you. If you want to get out of this pain, then decide that you will no longer be treated this way and deserve better.
Please cut her off ,as long as youre holding on you dont have room for the right one.