Am I sad or depressed? Don't know what to do
I was dating someone for almost two and a half years, when he dumped me. He blamed me for not being happy, put down certain parts of my personality, and turned emotionless when he did it. I have not spoken to him since. A lot of my other friends have also recently gone through break ups, and no matter who was breaking up with who, the person always seems to be much more caring. When my ex dumped me it felt like he could not stand to be around me for one more second, and he was not compassionate about it. It felt like he just genuinely did not care about me anymore and that was really hard to swallow.
Now it's been two months, and I can't seem to get over it. I think about it all day, every day. I look at his social media and feel horribly afterwards, but I can't stop. I interpret everything as him having an amazing time without me, while I'm miserable. I'm constantly running into people who bring him up and feel like I can't escape it. And the fact that he hasn't reached out in any way since it happened is making me feel terrible about myself, especially since his reasoning was all about me being "too this" or "too that." I know I'm a good person and that I have a lot to offer, but I can't seem to surmount this rejection and it's making me miserable and making me think poorly of myself. I don't know why I ended up here or why it was so easy for him to do and be happy afterwards. I cry at least once a week and feel these aching pits of sadness. Is this normal? How do I stop feeling this way?
I think the problem is, you're too hung up on what this guy thinks. He broke up with you, and from the sounds of things he wasn't the slightest bit understanding or gentle about it. I wouldn't let it get you down. If you want to take it as constructive criticism, okay, maybe that's fine if you see things you could work on. But seriously I wouldn't care too much what he thinks since he's out of the picture now.
I think in the aftermath of a breakup, things can get tense sometimes and your feelings fluctuate. Maybe you're talking with friends and remember something good or bad about your ex and mention it. There was another user on here that made a post not too long ago about how they felt embarrassed because their partner trashed them and badmouthed them to other people. That kind of stuff can be really hurtful, although I'm sure that's how it is sometimes after a breakup.
You can't really worry too much about that though, just go on with your life and put it behind you. I know 2 1/2 years is a little while, but at least it ended kind of fast and you didn't waste more time with the wrong person.
I think that you're very sad and a little bit depressed.
Basically, from my experience, I would suggest to go and do some workout. Run, exercise and take long walks. Fall in love with yourself again. See all the good things you have.
If he wasn't happy, it was by his own decisions. Not your fault at all. A failed relationship is a thing of 2. Looks like he hardly ever had arguments with you, so he may have built up on frustration and resentment. So, you're not the one to blame for him not talking to you about things he didn't like.
I'm not saying you're not responsible for part of the relationship not working at all. But you're not responsible for somebody else's happiness. You're responsible only for your own happiness.
Stop thinking about his opinions, after all, he was not meant for you and you weren't meant for him.
Go out, walk, run, workout, hang out and look for your own path in life. Be yourself, shine and become a beacon that attracts people like you.
If you still feel that nothing here is really helping you, then consider looking for professional help.
If you want to chat directly, just ask. I'm not sure if it violates any of the norms here, but you can always consider me for friendly chat. I'm 41, married, 2 kids... I have some valuable experience that I want people to use for their own good.
Enjoy life always and learn from the bad experiences!
Sorry for your feelings . . .BUT . . .
Why do you think he has done anything unusual for the situation? You admit he dumped you. So that's what a "dump" is: no contact and no looking back.
Time to pull yourself together and figure out if he did have VALID issues - or he's got it all wrong.
How about a counselor to talk all this out?
PS - I got "dumped" and after much introspection, I discovered my own co-responsibility to the entire situation. I set it all up so he would dumped me, since I really wanted that to happen, anyway.
I think the best way to pull through this situation is to keep a distance for a while. Both of you need a pause. Try to live your life, even to meet up with another men - it will be a cure.
I suppose it will be hard for you to switch your attention to another person, but you really need to make yourself do it, because it is the only way. I want to recommend you a good book http://findthereallove.com/freebook-fo/,
it is for free. I am sure it will help you with starting a new life.
Its normal. Letting go of this person, emotionally and mentally is probably going to be one of the hardest things, especially because it seems like you don't have closure regarding the situation. One thing that may help you is to change how you are perceiving the situation. Instead of looking at it from the perspective that you're coming from, look at it as a chance to be free and take care of yourself. There could be a lot of fear attached to being alone and being independent, but that just means its a chance for you to be courageous and look at it as an opportunity to become a stronger person, instead of a person whose identity is attached to this man. Learn new things, do things on your own, evolve by challenging your mentality and emotionality. You are resilient and strong, you don't have to be afraid of falling because you can pick yourself up at any time. Another thing that may help is to try to pinpoint exactly what the fear is and where it is stemming from. There could be a story attached to your fear - if you are feeling "abandoned" maybe that stems from something that happened in your childhood and therefore having issues with feeling abandoned by this guy? - If you really try to look at it from an outsiders perspective, you have the power to reach out and have contact at any time. Whether that be tomorrow or 2 years from now - You need to take back your power by acknowledging and taking care of yourself first - and to do that you need to make a choice about how you're thinking about the situation, and also engage in activities that strengthen who you are as a person.