I don't know how to deal with my selfish, depressed, alcoholic, father
My father has been drinking his whole life, and as far as I know, he has been drinking around me ever since I was born. It's always been a problem, but I learned to just live with it. Just sitting back and watching how much destruction he's bringing upon his own family. Each time a child leaves, he blames them and not himself. He stopped drinking as a fast for three weeks and I finally saw who he actually is, but after he started back up again, he got drunk every night. After getting the feel of what he was like, I actually care now.
After the three weeks were up, he drank and drank until he was flat out drunk. He had gone to drive to the store but ended up wrecking the car and fleeing the scene, leaving my mother and me to deal with the police. After being a fugitive for a few days, he finally turned himself in. He stopped drinking for a week, and we went on a few walks together, he was apologizing over and over about his alcohol problem. I wasn't surprised to find him drinking a day later while trying to hide it.
I then went back to not caring about him. I don't have the patience to deal with him, and I feel terrible about saying that because my mother had to stay with him for 26 years only because of the children she had with him.
Recently, he has been losing his mind. These past two nights have been a living hell. He's losing control of the alcohol. Unlike before, he's being psychically abusive, suicidal, and perverted. Me being the youngest, female, child, he's made many attempts already to catch me alone in my bedroom undressed and this has also been happening to a sister of mine, he also has been demanding a gun to shoot himself with and has been throwing my mother around. I tried to stab him once but my mother stopped me. My two older sisters deeply care about our father, but I and the second youngest sister does not. We both do not have the patience to deal with him beyond this. I can't say it's driving me insane, I believe I already am. My 20-year-old sister told me to do this to seek help.
Hello girl (I won't call you ANONYMOUS TRASH because you're simply not trash),
It's very important that you seek help as in call the police and tell them what's going on. Your mom's decision of staying with him is her decision and it doesn't have to be yours or any of your sisters'. Is not your fault or your presence what made your mom stay with him. She decided that was the path she wanted to follow and you have to accept it as it is: history.
Right now, I'd be more concerned about your mother than your father. He needs to learn a good lesson and you can't wait until somebody's life is at stake to act.
You can try getting in touch with a family counseling service, the nearest church, the emergency line or even the police. Call somebody and alert them of the situation. Professional help is very important at this very moment.
He should go to AA group meetings or something to get out of alcoholism. That thing is destroying him and his family and he seems incapable (at the moment) of recognizing himself as the destroyer.
Please take care! Keep us posted.
It's all OK for your Dad to apologize over and over again, but he still hasn't hit rock bottom if he continues to drink. He has a disease which going by your post, will eventually kill him if he doesn't do something positive about it. He will soon be hospitalized, and quite likely institutionalized, if his mind goes. There are support systems in place such as Al Non who offer care and assistance and give you a good idea of how to deal with people like your Dad. Their network involves other agencies such as health care,counseling and the police who all work together to deal with situations similar to you and your family's circumstances.
You've seen who your Dad really is when he did attempt to stop drinking, but that person is long gone and the person who you have to deal with is the addict. Like all addicts, it's up to him to do something about it. You, or anyone else, can't help him unless he helps himself first.
Given your circumstances, it's not so much about not caring about your Dad, it's about you looking out for yourself and keeping yourself safe. Your Mum has stayed with him because of you kids and that's her decision to do so. Many other people do the opposite thing and leave early when they find themselves in a alcohol ruined marriage. It's a brave and dedicated personal choice for a husband or wife to stay or to go, but if you need normalcy in your life, which includes your well being and safety, then you will need to start the process of achieving this by communicating your real fears with your Mum and then taking positive steps towards professional help.