Is my girlfriend manipulating and lying to me?
Relationship of 7 years, when we first met she said some quite strange things. Mainly around how great her ex was in bed and that it never got boring but that he treated her like garbage.
Sex between us has always been unsatisfying to me, she is never really interested and will make up all kinds of excuses.
I have spoken to her about this on multiple occasions over the years.
Usually she says something along the lines of "I need to feel loved and cared for" etc. I have lavished her with plenty of love and affection and it makes no difference.
She also contradicts herself, she was with her ex who she couldnt get enough of who basically didnt make her feel loved, yet with me she is saying this is a requirement.
I brought this up with her and she said
"it wasn't true what I said, I dont know what I was thinking"
she then said
"Do you want me to tell you I am a lesbian, is that what you want?"
She uses this disassociation tactic quite a lot. When I bring up something (and there is ALOT) that has happened which annoys me for some reason, she will use the same excuse "I dont know why I did that".
Is there any point in continuing with this? Is she just incapable of telling the truth?
At this point I am seriously considering severing the relationship. Its not just about sex, its about trust. She just never seems to be able to explain her actions, its always "I don't know why I did that". What kind of person is this?
Selected other issues include
Flirtatious behaviour with my friends
Arguing with friends spouses for no reason
So you've been in a relationship with this woman for 7 years, my question is why? Let's change gears here for a second - what are the good things in this relationship, why are you a couple? You can either choose to answer that here, or just think about that on your own. But I feel like 7 years is a long time to be with someone when you (from the sounds of this initial post) seem incompatible.
When a woman is flirting with your male friends and picking fights with their wives, that should tell you she's lacking some maturity, and is a jealous attention-seeker. I don't know the severity of her disassociation tactics, but I would say these side-notes raise some red flags. If she is lying and not telling the truth a lot, then you're with someone who you can't really trust so that's not good.
It's possible that your girlfriend needs love that you can't give her. Maybe your personalities just conflict too greatly? While reading your post I also considered the possibility that your girlfriend may have had a troubled past with men or be broken in some way. At any rate, you don't enjoy the sex, she doesn't enjoy the sex, and I can't tell if you two have much in common or if you are even close in your relationship. I almost wonder, without trying to be offensive, if you two simply stayed together out of habit or the fear of being single again?
One other thing to consider is that maybe you are a difficult person to have conversations with. She may resort to the "I don't know."/disassociation tactics because her prior attempts to have conversations with you could never yield communicative results.
My advice? If you decide to split up, do so and just let go of everything. Move on, and don't keep racking your brain wondering if you'd been swindled or manipulated. Underneath everything, it just seems like you aren't with the right people.
Did this behavior just start?
After all, seven years is a long time to put up with all this. That says something about you: you have accepted this behavior for so long, you two have a "game" and you both play it.
Altreal hit the nail on the head.
If you want my more sincere advise: RUN as fast as you can and leave a note "Look for professional help".
Look, I had my share of "I don't know why I did that" and it doesn't get any better, in fact it gets worse with time.
You're investing a lot of time, effort and emotions into this relationship and from the looks of it, she's not cooperating. Look for better options. You will probably be better on your own than with her.
You deserve to feel loved and cared for as well. Look after you, then you can worry about the others
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