PeoplesProblems Logo

Controlling husband?

Default profile image
Relationship advice I am happily married for 29 years. My husband started a business b4 I know him and subsequently I join his business to help build the business. I am not a partner he owns the business and i have actively helping to bulid the business for 20 plus years. We both get monthly salary and he keeps the profits and savings in his personal accounts. He us living husband and father. He used the our securitu savings and the profits from our business to buy a house and car and we go for yearly holiday.
Now I have no control and cannot make any decision on the profits we make from the company. Recently we wind down our business and i wanted to use a small amount (5% of our pottfoloio) from the profit to buy an aprt for investment. But he don't allow. And he agree to give me monthly allowance which is enough to cover my expenses but no savings. But I have no say with the profits we both made and I can't access the account. He treats the money we both make together as his only. Of course I feel very sad and am trying to ask myself should I just be contended with the monthly allowance?

Controlling husband?

Default profile image
Hello JJBBN,

It's rather sad that he's behaving like that. Nevertheless, you're the one that knows him better.

I'm a husband myself and when my wife wants something, she knows how to get it.

If he's so interested in the money, talk to him about diversifying the family's income. That's always a good financial practice and will give you some rents for the future and retirement. Talk to him as a financial advisor or get to him in the best way possible, you should know how to do it.

You say he's a loving husband a father, so I don't see the point in trying to "split" the savings, but if you think it will make feel better, then talk to him about it. Tell him that you want to save some money of your own, maybe for giving him a surprise or just spend some money on your own decisions.

Trust must be above everything in such a long marriage.

Good luck!

Controlling husband?

Default profile image
Thanks for sharing your tots Silvarion.
I will try to talk to my husband but it's not easy. The only way is to appear sad and weak and vulnerable. He doesn't want me to suffer so only this way he will listen and hear me out. But honestly how long can I do that! Besides that's not me ! After a while I will end up with self pity, I don't want that. I will try to talk and reason with him.

I spent 1 and half year since we wind down the business reading and studying God's words everyday. I tot since I have been working so hard everyday I just want to devote 100% of my time to focus and serve God. But I begin to feel lonely, useless after some time. There's is output there's nothing I do day in day out except studying scriptures everyday. I feel like I am rotting.

How does one find peace in such a lonely and quiet journey. After leaving the fast and challenging world I find this walk with God very very tough. It's too quiet till I am giving up. Am I not ready to devote my 100% to God ? When I pray and ask God to use me 100% why didn't God keeps me busy ?
I am confused?

Controlling husband?

Default profile image
JJBBN, you and he are MARRIED, ergo, everything he owns is legally 50% yours to which you are meant to have equal right to means to access. (If not, the Family Court will give it to you. Via a Divorce.)

Your marital set-up is that he has final say over everything (unless you demean and belittle yourself by 'doing a silly dance', BASICALLY, acting like his kid or member of staff to His Majesty). That's not marriage of the healthy, legal variety, it's enslavement and exploitation. So I fail to see how someone with that attitude and obvious intention of making you realistically completely financially powerless and wholly dependent on him, I.E. INCAPABLE OF EVER LEAVING HIM, EVEN IF YOU WANTED TO OR HAD TO(!), can be a great spouse and father.

What he's doing is called, Financial Abuse. Please go Google and then report back. Just because you've been 'happy' for 29 years, doesn't mean, because your marriage was a recipe for happiness. What was he - just better than your parents or prior ex?

Better Than Them is not Best. And 'Better' can be the same as Not Quite As Bad.

Yeah, if I were a controller-exploiter who'd been allowed to get my own way over everything and anything financially connected, I expect *I'd* be a content, loving parent and spouse as well. But here's the burning question: what's he like when he's not getting his way? How does he manage to get you to beg like a pitiful child at his knees or a loyal peasant subject at his kingly feet, anyway? Can you reiterate the conversation for me, as near as word-for-word as possible?

Anyway, glad you've finally woken up (a bit) and realised you deserve better than Not Quite As Bad. :-)

PS: "When I pray and ask God to use me 100% why didn't God keeps me busy ?"

He did. He let you get busy reading and waking up. Now you're awake you'll have the energy and motivation to find things to busy yourself with (that's how it works, he (/it/Fate/Nature/Life) provides you with all the tools for helping yourself. Hence you have an engine, wheels, and an exhaust (mind, arms & legs, voice)).

In case divorce isn't an option: What things do you like to do/what are you good at?

Controlling husband?

Default profile image
(You're not confused, anyway; you're upset the realisation. Different thing entirely, and PS so would anyone be.)

This thread has expired - why not start your own?