Anxiety and jealousy
Im having a huge issue with anxiety attacks and jealousy in my relationship. mostly trust problems on my end. not that my boyfriend has done anything wrong, hes pretty great and i love him but im pretty fucked up. to give some background hes a big guy about 80IBs over weight and im a compulsive exercising maniac. despite the fact that he tells me Im gorgeous and have an awesome personality, I have crushing anxiety of him talking to other woman. being 24 he has snapchat and even the idea of him looking at porn stars stories or girls we used to know from school who post revealing snaps, makes me feel so sick. it makes me feel like nothing like im not enough, like ill never be enough.
he does everything to help me not feel that way and he listens and actually gives a fuck about my feelings. But i still cant help feeling crushing anxiety and jealousy of him talking to other girls. I just want to trust him, i dont know whats wrong me. He would never cheat on me and i tell myself that and he tells me that, but its just not helping. if i dont get emotions under control im gonna lose him.
As you have said, if you don't get over it, you're going to lose your partner.
It's natural that he has friends from both genders. As you do (I guess).
About porn and "revealing snaps", just share them. Enjoy them with him. Why would that make feel bad? Most probably you have a better shape than most of them and if not, it doesn't really matter. He's with you because he wants to. And the moment he decides not to be with you nothing will matter, neither the shape of your body nor your personality.
He's with you and he loves you. If you were not enough, then he wouldn't be with you at all.
I think you have a huge self esteem issue, which you use as motivator for being that "compulsive exercising maniac". Learn to love yourself. Accept yourself for who you are regardless of how you look like. That's the key here to stop the anxiety.
The issue is you not being enough for you, not for your partner.
P.S.: Professional counseling would be a great option, in my opinion.