A friendship worth fighting for? Is it the BF fault?!
VAVAVOOM - Jul 30 2017 at 21:15
ALL NAMES HAVE BEEN CHANGED:
Hi I'm an 18 year old girl who is having troubles with my best friend. Her name is Nicole and we have been friends for 5 years but only gotten close in the last 2-3 years. Nicole has two sides to her. She is a social butterfly in school but outside (I'm so close to her so I know how she is) she is depressing, battles with anxiety and refuses to step out of her front door. I have tried to help her by helping her get specialist help but she always refuses and says it's not my problem. I have learnt to accept this as her personality. Nicole is a difficult person to be around, for instance she refused to come out with me (Even locally) for my birthday. She also told me last summer that she doesn't want me around but quickly changed her tune when I called her out for her bad behaviour towards one of our friends that lived afar and had come to give her and myself gifts from holiday. She begged for my forgiveness when I said I don't think we should talk for a while after she flaked out on the person and I. It was not as if I sprung it on her last minute. In fact she asked me to inform her of plans 5 days prior and I did so. I asked her two days beforehand to reconfirm and she completely ignored my calls, emails and messages. This was one of the many incidents of Nicole being awkward. Bare in mind this was when she was single, and if she had accepted that our friendship was over last summer then she would have been alone.
Anyway, Nicole began dating Jake, a friend of ours and part of our friendship group. Myself and our friend Sarah urged the two to date as they both liked each other. This was in February 2017. Nicole and I are super close and I would always go around to her house. I'm close with her family too. However once she started dating Jake, I stopped going around and was replaced by Jake. I didn't mind they wanted to be alone (even though they were alone in school too). But Nicole completely dropped me when Jake and her began dating. Exam season came too and Nicole further distanced herself from me and other friends too. She only spoke to Jake and refused to speak to anyone else and I just put that down to stress.
However once exam season was over, Nicole still distanced herself from me. Her sister had come back from university for the summer and I would come around to see both her and Nicole. I have been around numerous occasions since exams were over and Nicole has been nothing but rude. Whether Jake was there or not, she would not say hi or come down to say hello, rather she would stay in her room. Both jake and nicole have been acting off. In fact Jake told Nicole's sister he found me argumentative. This is simply false. I had confronted him in school because he had been ignoring me for a week and a half for no reason while appearing fine with everyone else. He also called me two faced because I told Nicole about his behaviour. I told Nicole that he was acting off and abruptly after my conversation with Nicole I went to ask him what his problem was.
Anyway, I went to Nicole's this past wednesday and Jake was not there. I said hello to her and she ignored me and she shut herself off in her room. Then this past Friday, a mutual friend of ours posted on their social media: "Girls who ditch/dump their friends for a guy deserve a personal place in hell." Nicole then messaged me a couple of hours later saying "Hi". She had not spoken to me for nearly two months and she randomly messaged me after this post?
I'm considered the joker of the group and always express myself through pictures, memes, GIFs, and articles that are relatable. I sent Nicole a link to an article regarding why you shouldn't ditch your friends for a guy. Nicole then sent me numerous messages of screenshots of call logs, emails and letters. She then said that Jake had been helping with getting therapy for her so she could go to university without feeling anxious. She then claimed I was an unappreciative friend because I had not asked how she was. I was appalled by her audacity. I have tried to help her with her issues since I've met her and she has the cheek to say I've not done anything. Every time I've asked her if she is fine and tried to help her she shuts me down and pushes me away. On top of that, she has not spoken to me in months so how am I supposed to know what's going on with her. Her only confidant is her boyfriend! I expressed my feelings and instead of trying to come to a solution and resolve the situation she simply said "If that's all." She clearly didn't want to save our friendship and I have a feeling that is because she believes she doesn't need anyone but Jake. If this had happened last year when she was single, she would have jumped to resolve the situation. I replied and wished her well with her therapy and till this day she has not read that message.
My friends believe I've done too much for her and that I have had the patience of a saint. They ask me if I want to be her friend still and if you had asked me that a month ago I would have said yes in a heartbeat. But now? I'm not to sure.
I really want an outsiders point of view
I await your advice.
You have done all you can for Nicole and you need to listen to your friends when they comment on your commitment to her. She's made the decision to get on with her life without your friendship, regardless if Jake's the right person for her or not, and therefore you need to do the same.