hello, thank you for reading this. I am seventeen years old and i finished school and all exams and whatnot six weeks ago. I thought for ages that school was the main cause of my problems but when it ended i realised that it wasnt the case..you see, i feel awful still. The last six weeks have been the worst Ive felt since I was a child and bullied at school and I just dont know what to do. Results day for my exams is looming and I already know what a disappointment ill be. Im going to take a year off from school as I felt I was too young for college life yet, I was going to get stuck in with some work and I even made a list of 23 things including writing and drawing and learning that I was going to do and I havent done any of them yet.
This time was meant to be different that my life has been since i was born..I wanted to do so much and it's become a daily routine of playing videogames and pretending that my mind is active. I go to bed at 4 in the morning and get up at 1 the next day and I only shower every 3-5 days to make sure Im still alive and each time i treat it like a whole new beginning as if everything is gonna be different because I washed myself...
Im alone all the time and never leave the house which I dont want but the idea of a social situation makes me so uncomfortable and anxious that I end up feeling better of for not having gone. I didnt even go to my debs(prom) and the only significant thing thats happened in the last six weeks is breaking up with my girlfriend. even the sheer thought of me being capable of having a girlfriend seems cringey and laughable as I write this...I just feel pathetic.. I havent felt creative enough to write or draw anything and everytime i do it feels more like a memory of being creative or having a good idea...I havent exercised or done anything productive in ages but the idea feels like its above ms to do anything worthwhile with myself..as if the important things are for others to do while i exist until death, filling a gap in the world. Im seventeen i should be looking forward to everything instead of scrambling through my confused head, scrounging around for more time to do things while im sitting here wasting it..
Im tired of being stagnant and Id like someone to help me if you wouldnt mind. thank you.
Hello Tristran! The name's Tom.
I can tell you that waiting for results is one of the most stressful times of your life, and can be very much so the deciding variable that dictates what paths are open for you. I'm only eighteen myself, finished my second year of college and on the 17th of August, I find out whether or not I'll be going to university this year or not. It's pretty stressful to think of like that, but I'm pretty happy with any other option I can take. I'm accepting of potential outcomes, and being so is an important part of getting ready for Results' Day.
My grades last year for my AS levels were abysmal to say the very least, so I tried really hard this year! And that's made the difference for me. Think for what you've done this year, and the achievements you've made, the progress and the steps forward!! I live a life quite similar to how you describe, sans girlfriend.
My daily routine consists of morning wake up, breakfast, and I'll sit at my computer usually. There's no shame or requirement of you to go outside. Though! If it's what you wish, you should try setting alarms, try making plans, find places where events might be going on! Or if you have a place such as a park or attraction site nearby, you should to take walks there. When I was let down last year, I took walks daily, it was good reflection. It let me see and understand where I went wrong and what I need to do better though a good, long walk, clearing my mind and having a small conversation with myself. Speaking out loud is a healthy practice to get yourself organised!
I can understand the feeling lethargy; the pain, the hurt and feeling of depression looming over from a breakup. It's the worst. But just know, you do have the capability to do something. I know this, because you found yourself here, and you're trying to reach out for help! It might be slow, and a difficult time to get over your good times, though just know that they'll always be there in the past. Remember things for the good times, and learn lessons from the bad times. Everyone gets their second wind eventually, don't be afraid of loneliness or having lost your only chance, because life gives you so many of those.
So! Start off slow, do the smaller things on your list, try getting little bits done with intervals inbetween if you can't find the will to get it done all in one go. It's good to pace yourself on a recovery from a slump. And just remember that, regardless of your results, they don't dictate who you are as a person. They might say what you can and can't do for the meantime, but remember that a bunch of numbers and letters can't tell you what you can and can't achieve. Regardless of outcome, you make sure you try your hardest from now on, and strive for the best that you can achieve!!
I hope you can find motivation in this, and I hope that you'll find the right path for you soon.
You need to stop thinking, and start doing. Just get up and go for a walk, start drawing and writing - just do it. Sounds like you talk yourself out of doing these things by making excuses and negative self-talk. Every moment you're alive, you have many choices before you - you have the power to choose what you want to think, what you want to do, how you want to do things, every minute of everyday - YOU, you have that power. Be strong and follow your gut and just do it. Stop talking about doing it and just do it. Once you've done it consistently for a while, it will become second nature, a part of your lifestyle, the hard part is making exercise, or drawing and writing a habit. Get up out of the house for a run before you get a chance to talk yourself out of it. Action is key to moving out of bad habits. Stop thinking and start doing!