Long term boyfriend with anger issues
Hello everyone, this is something i have been trying to tackle on my own for over 7 years, but it's beginning to break me down and i don't know what i can do. My boyfriend is a pessimist with anger issues.
The pessimism is just about bearable even if it is incredibly infuriating at times but the anger issues scare me. He has never laid a finger on me and neither do I think he ever would intentionally, however he can get into such fits of rage sometimes his actions are frightening; shouting, throwing his weigh about, smacking himself in the face, punching walls, breaking things etc. I try to talk to him when he is in these states but he just gets more irate. Even if i just let him vent I don't feel it is doing any good, it scares me he may hurt himself, break something special or inadvertently harm me (For example he once had a fit of rage in bed and when i said i was going to sleep downstairs as he kept punching the bed he told me to stay- i was too scared to leave so i just laid there and every now and then his fist would clip me). I just don't now how to deal with him or what to say, sometimes its little issues other times its big issues e.g. job security which i understand but he works himself into such a state. If i ever said to him i think he has anger issues i can imagine he would go absolutely mental. I don't know what to do and it's beginning to scare me. If you've suck with me throughout this long ramble, thank you. Any help would be much appreciated.
You need to tell him. And you need to tell him how it's affecting you as well. How he reacts to it, that's on him, but if his anger and pessimism is permeating into your life and psyche, you must communicate that to him despite how you think he will react to it.
It's a pretty good bet that you have thought of your BF getting professional help many times, but that's what he needs. Unfortunately he needs to realize it and act on it himself before he does do something really stupid. He needs to identify why he's angry and hostile and only professional help can assist him to isolate it and get him over it without judging him. It's no good you being in intensive care or something similar, and him in custody because the law will not make allowances for his condition if does hurt someone or himself, whether intentionally or not.
If it's beginning to get you down, 7 years is a lot of history, you may have give him a 'push' in the right direction and issue an ultimatum to him because once, and if, you do break down, you'll be no good for anyone including yourself. You can't love and live with a severely depressed man successfully who can't live life successfully and his actions will only push you away when in reality, he really needs you, the person who stays with him and tries to support him.
When he realizes that he has issues and takes positive steps to address them, only then can you expect to see some changes in the right direction.