After 38 year relationship of control, abuse, I do not know how to face life alone. Putting my partner on a pedestal and idolising them unconditionally, not having been able to have friendship or siblings in my life for so long. They are there after nearly forty years with open arms but it's me who finds it hardest. My partner had what they wanted when they wanted, at the expense of me and our children with no conscious. I am aware of all of this now but still miss them terribly and can't at time control my weak emotions. Is anyone out there understanding where I come from?
Maybe what you miss is what you think you had in this marriage. After 38 years its time to put YOU FIRST! Why miss a person who has no conscious and has always been self-centered. You should seek counseling to help you see yourself as a human being that deserves to be happy and loved and respected.
You need to find out who you really are. Being in a controlling abusive relationship is not living your best life. If someone is not treating you with respect, it is a gift they walked away from you. You have suffered enough, you are now free to use your own mind and run your own life.
I get it. I totally get it. I was somewhat there during 8 years. But I grew tired of it and it was me who walked away.
Let yourself be free. No shame or guilt on your side. Just be free. Walk, smile, live.
You say your friends and siblings are there with open arms. Then go and let them hug you.
Good luck! You are awesome, never forget that!
Thank you both for your replies, and from complete strangers it help to see that what those around me are the same things as you have said.
I hurt deeply, which confuses me, as I know this person destroyed any self belief I may of had as a teenager.
Hi Grumbatomtaff, I think I know what you are experiencing. I am in a 33 year relationship and feeling so very alone. Your post really touch my heart. If you need a friend who understands who could also use your understanding, I'm here. I don't know how to private message you on this forum. Hopefully we can somehow connect and talk. May be healing for both of us.
38 years is a long time. You are going to have to "unlearn" your responses to all the stress you have experienced.
Divorce workshops are popular here. Groups of people - much like you - are learning to continue on after the trauma of divorce.
Ask around and see if you can find one thru the local churches or community education.
Your family is grappling to cope with all this, too. But there's no reason why you need to feel that they are the only source for you. Sometimes, our family is not a good "sanity check" to use.
Good luck - and have fun re-inventing yourself.
Kind and thought provoking replies thank you so much. I have looked into a group and have applied to go on an event that they are having. New people to meet and speak to. Very. Envoys but needs to be done.
If you have any issue in your marriage or relationship, contact Dr Twaha http://drtwaha.webs.com/love-you-again
.his help is absolutely wonderful!
My marriage is sadly over. After a very acrimonious divorce caused by a partner of such bitterness and self hatred it is finally over. I can start life over, although it's a bit late I feel now. Nights alone feeling what did I do so wrong, though knowing I was far to submissive, doing everything for them and their way never ever thinking of myself. I was a bore I think.
Now got to stand up and go out there and have a bit of fun and think of myself. That is the hard part.
Hi, your story made me really emotional as it reminded me of what my mother is going through currently. The wondering what you did wrong, wishing you could have changed the outcome in some way and the loneliness. Just stay strong and believe that life still holds unexpected and beautiful surprises for you!