I will try and keep this as short as possible, and extremely to the point. I need some piece of mind and I need honest opinions from people because I am new to this city and I do not know if I am literally going insane or if I should be concerned. I have lived at my place now for one year. My building manager is in his lower 30s, I am 25. His mom is the building manager across the street and before he moved she was our bm and told me to date him the first time I met him (jokingly). We saw each other once or twice and we exchanged numbers he then called me one night, after getting him from being out, at 2 am, I missed it because I was sleeping, the next day he said it was an accident. We then met and hit is off great. We flirted and whatnot, things were harmless. We drunkenly got together one night and I ended up sleeping at his place (no sex), but we had a good time. He then asked me to hang out two more times and it was fun (no sex, but make out and whatnot). One of those times I saw his mom again and she asked me if I met his dad yet (they are divorced), I said no.
He has a son. During Christmas time, I made cookies and brought them some, he had me come down the next night and when I walked in they were putting up their Christmas tree, I asked if he wanted me to go, he said no. Throughout this time he said several times that he liked me and would tell me how great I was and mature and how he wanted to meet my dad someday (I am really close with him). Three weeks then went by and I never heard from him. I texted and I asked him what was going on and he said I misinterpreted everything. I said, ok no problem. During this time, we were getting another person on our lease. We asked him to add her and he said he would come up with the paper work. 3 weeks went by and we never heard from him. I said, one night, in my living room "has he still not come up with the lease? What an asshole." No one got a text asking if we were home but a knock on our door 10 min later, him standing there with the lease. While he was over he said "sorry for taking so long you must think I am such an asshole."
The next, 5-6 months go by and it's been just back and forth, flirting and then we go a week or 2 without seeing each other, and then we will see each other 2 or three times in one weekend and talk or whatever. He had to come fix our shower because there was a noise. He fixed it and then left. A couple days later it was making the noise again but I didn't want to both him because it would only be for like 5 seconds. He texted me and asked me if our shower was still making that noise. I said yes, and when he came up the next day to fix it I asked how on earth he knew. He said he was in the apt below us in their bathroom and he heard it. (totally could be true but idk.) He lives one the first floor in the south west corner and I live in the middle of the complex on the third floor. He once told me he wanted to put cameras in the garage in case anyone stole anything. I know this may be paranoia but he is by far the person I run into the most, by a country mile, there are some people I have yet to ever have seen and I have lived here a year. But about half the time I run into he ends up finding a reason to have me in his apt or my apt and we hang out anywhere from 10-60 min. And his kid knows me now.
He got wasted a month ago, called me and asked to come upstairs. He did. He was upset because a family member died. I was sober. He was hugging me, running his hands through my hair and he said. I am sorry I'm such an asshole to you but it's because I love you. I'm in love with you. I just didn't respond. Last week I was drunk (I know him and I both clearly need to not drink and be around each other). I ended up seeing him and I told him what he said last month. He said he didn't say that and denied everything. I was so confused, angry and hurt and I asked why he was lying. He claimed to not remember anything from that night, yet somehow remembered what he did or didn't say. I have been so patient, level headed and mature this entire 9 months and I just kind of snapped. I told him he was a piece of shit and told him that he is a child for doing this and treating me like shit.
He told me a while ago all women are crazy, (he was never married to his son's mom but says she's crazy), and says women don't say what they want ever. He once also told me that his mom got someone kicked out for drinking or something, so I threatened him and told him if he tried to get me kicked out I had enough shit to get him fired. I texted him the morning after and apologized for being so melodramatic and drunk however I didn't apologize for what I said about the last 9 months. He responded "let's just not have that not happen again." He deleted me off Facebook and I haven't seen him in a week and a half.
It is making me crazy that he is making me think I am crazy. The fact that I am asking complete strangers for their thoughts, for starters. I know about some psychology and I can tell you I am a mature adult who is pursuing their Master's. I know he belittles me and gas lights me, at least I think he is. I don't want to be with him. I just want to know if I am wrong here? I might add, he does have a record, drug charges, intimating a witness, and disorder conduct. But I 100% have never felt threatened when I've been around him. My questions: We haven't seen each other in a week and a half, is this the last I will hear from him? Is he going to try and do this all over again? Should I be concerned?
I don't have family, and I am new here. If I am in a bad situation I just want to know so I can fix the problem asap. Thanks in advance.
Why do you doubt yourself?
This guy is clearly unstable. Distance yourself from him asap. Move if necessary.
There is no doubt in my mind he has some sort of spying device in your apartment. He was "Johnny on the Sport" way to often. I agree with SUSIEDQQ there is He's something wrong with him. And no you're not crazy It's him..I would distance myself from him, keeping everything cordial, but I would move.
Don't ignore what has gone on, his behavior is very strange, he seems to enjoy playing head-games. I see a lot of red flags.
Thank you for your responses. I am doubting myself because I am very inexperienced with relationships or whatever this weird situation was and I am/was overthinking if this was normal behavior (a guy who has clearly been hurt in the past not knowing what he wants). I also am/was second guessing myself because he has a great way of making me seem like I'm the crazy one or that this is me playing it all up in my head. Both times I have brought up the way HE has told ME how HE feels about ME, he has responded in ways that makes him look and sound like he's letting the "little girl" whose got a crush on him down easy, like it's high school and he's telling the freshman he's not going to prom with her, you know? He has completely gas lighted me into thinking I'm the one who is not making sense. That's why I've come here. I just needed some reassurance that I'm not overthinking this. Thank you both, so much.
OMG, this is not the sort of person to mess with. You should move asap and have nothing to do with him. Please take notice of what advise you are being give.
100% agreement with previous replies.
He's not stable, he's not what you need or deserve.
"All women are crazy" "I am sorry I'm such an asshole to you but it's because I love you"
No sir, you're an asshole because you are, not because of love.
So, take the chance he's giving you to run away from that relationship.
Godspeed! Good luck and many blessings!