I truly just don't know what to do :(
My first relationship was everything I could ever ask for and lasted slightly over 2 years. We ended due to mutual issues and realized that at the time it was for the better. We agreed to stay as friends but it was just too hard but I knew she would always hold a part of my heart. I am now in a new relationship which has been going on for 14 months. She is absolutely amazing until we fight we are complete opposites. It is incredibly toxic and unhealthy for both of us and we tell each other we will try harder when we fight yet it remains to stay the same. It has been well over 2 years since the last time I talked to my ex, and due to my new relationship problems and many other reasons I reached out to her. She was incredibly comforting and was happy to chat. I've seen her twice now and it made me so happy to hear that she's doing good and we talked strictly as friends. I just needed someone that understands me and how girls think as well. The main reason why I'm on this forum is because I truly don't have anyone to talk to about my troubles in life, which is why I went to my ex. The main thing bothering me is that I feel I'm starting to fall for her again. Am I a horrible person for feeling this way? Because that's exactly how I feel because I went to her just for advice and comfort only. I have no idea what to do, if anyone has a few words of advice it would mean a lot to me.
No you're not a horrible person,however in any relationship whatever the conflicts are need to be addressed with your GF not with your Ex. You should address why you're fighting you both might be harboring unresolved issues from your previous relationship. You ended the last relationship you say "we ended due to mutual issues and realized it was for the best" what were the issues? Would they still exists?
Toxic mean, hurtful arguments may mean that neither of you really respect each other and that you've always have been opposites, your fighting brings it out. Give me some examples of what you guys argue about?
No, you are not "horrible." But you did take the easy way out. In fact, you used the conflict to get comfort and support from someone from the past.
This current relationship is toxic. You know what you need to do about that. You are just looking for the courage to do it.
Your re-kindled contact with your ex is confusing. Is she available? If so, do you really want to go to her like a wounded bird - needy, indecisive, damaged? Or do you want to start out fresh?
If your ex has a BF, then your friendship will be put into its place soon.
First - deal with getting out of this current situation.
You're not a horrible person. What is happening to you is natural. You just have to be aware of it and act accordingly.
Your first relationship, as you describe it, is the safest place on Earth for you (emotionally). Naturally, you will fall back to "that place" when you feel something is hurting you.
So, piece of advice from a "married with children" grown-up: Talk with her and make a deal. During your next fight, step back. Take a walk. Take some deep breaths and cool off. Then you can talk instead of fighting. Look for the root causes and not the symptoms. We usually make the mistake of attacking symptoms while leaving the root cause of the issue untouched.
About your first relationship: Remember you both decided that it was better to split up and follow your own paths. Always remember that when you feel like falling for her again.
And, of course, come back here if you need somebody to talk to.
Thank you so much for replying and being so supportive. I honestly try to do just that when we fight, step back and take some time to calm down and get a clear head. Yet unfortunately, my girlfriend is the opposite when it comes to fights. She demands to talk it out right away, which is fair, but it's really hard for me to think positively well I'm either mad or upset you know?. I'm only 19 by the way and this is my second relationship. I see my ex from time to time at party's or just out and about and it sucks because we just seem so awkward and advoid eye contact while I know we both never wanted that. We were so incredibly close when we were together and she was easily my best friend. And as soon as I reached out to her, she thought the same way I felt where it seemed unnecessary and she wanted to get back on good terms and just be friends. But of course spending time with her made me realize that I still care for her and brought back so many memories. Even though I mentioned that I starting to fall for her all over again,I don't know if I'd want to get back in a relationship with her because your right, we did split for meaningful reasons and I can't just honk about all the good times I've had with her only. Within my new relationship I don't get much time to my self, friends, or do what I'm passionate about, I'm either working or with her. One thing that I forgot to mention is that I'm planning on traveling in September for quite a while and my girlfriend is going to a university in a different country. Due to this we already talked about how it's going to be too hard to keep our relationship strong without the ability to see each other. If we do split I not saying that I'm going straight back to my ex, all I mean is that i wouldn't have to feel bad for talking to her. And the time with my friends and the hobbies I love to do would mean a lot to me. This situation is hard to explain but I really am thankful for you getting back to me and giving me some advice.