I desperately need help, I'm falling apart and any advice is greatly appreciated
I've been with the man I've always wanted to marry for 10 years, I'm 26, he's my high school sweetheart and we've been through it all together, ups and downs and a one year long distance, his only problem is that he's not funny at all but I was ok with it, he's the sweetest guy who loves me and cares about me and he's ready to do anything for me, we were getting engaged in a month until I met this other man at work who made me laugh like no one else did, I talked to him for two months but now I stopped cuz I know I'm wrong but I can't stop thinking about him, I feel like I love him but I don't know him enough! Now I'm trying to fix things with my soon to be fiancé hoping that I'll love him again and forget about the other guy, but I'm so afraid, what should I do? Should I leave my 10 year old man for someone I've known for two months only because he's not funny? Am I going to forget the other guy and fall in love again with my fiancé? Why can't I stop thinking about the other guy? I really need help ? Note: I found a new job so that the other guy won't be in front of me the whole time :(
Id love to help but not an easy one.. Think don't get married if u have anyy doubt's.. Think question is do u see yr future wit guy u marrying,? Wish u luck
Regardless if you have been with your soon to be fiance for 10 years, if you're not IN love with him for whatever reasons, then you can't marry him successfully. If you have managed to fall out of love with him then it's telling you that something went wrong with your 10 year old relationship sometime in the past.
It doesn't matter who you have met and if they did manage to make you laugh, what does matter is that your man doesn't do it for you anymore because if he did, the other guy wouldn't be on your mind. If you're not happy with your man and now find yourself having to fall in love with him again, then it means you feel shackled to him because of the length and history of your relationship (and possibly the expectation of just being together) rather than you having the absolute need to be with him. If you did have this need, this other guy wouldn't have had the effect on you that he has had, as you post about.
While you have taken steps to 'remove' the other guy from your life, it doesn't mean that he's the guy you should be with, or that you have missed the laughter, rather the whole situation just shows you where you stand with your man and where your relationship with him is at.
If you have doubts and confusion about your relationship, then your gut is talking to you and you need to listen to it.
Sometimes we simply want a quality that our partner doesn't have and it becomes so fun and attractive we miss the down side of new interest. No perfect person out there and we tend to overlook the things that lack in our significant other. Can lead to affair down the road unfortunately I have been in those shoes. I cheated on my husband and regret it although I believed I loved the other guy. I was burdened with guilt and owned up. Years of regret. Long story. My advice is to hold off on jumping into anything engagement wise in meantime. Also take a hard look at the qualities you spoke of that your partner does have. Maybe the guy that makes you laugh would lie or cheat gamble or end up abusive...no perfect person you simply may have sought quality you missed to make the perfect man between the two. Hope this makes sense. Also remember no perfect anything in this life but Gods guidance and help is my best advice! Best of luck!
This is a hard one.
Look, there are some things that bring up some alarms.
1.- He's your highschool sweetheart.
You know nothing more. That means that you will find a lot more guys attractive down your way. You're working now, and you will have to deal with more people on a daily basis. Since you've been on your "sweetheart's bubble", you still have a lot to go through and a lot to learn.
2.- He's not funny at all.
Dear, after the years pass by, the most useful skill you will find is your sense of humour. Once you get married, there's no option to say "See you tomorrow" or "I'm not feeling well today, let's meet later". Once you're married and living together, you need to have something else to hold on than just your idea of who he is, because that's going to shatter to pieces once you 2 are on the same place 24/7.
My advice for you is the following:
Keep your eyes and ears very open. Talk with him from the bottom of your heart. Let him know that you're worried and what you have done to try to solve the problem. This can be just a taste of what marriage can bring. Depending on how he handles the situation, you can decide if that's the man you want to share your life with or if you would better part ways.
I hope this helps you.