Love Match Calculator

Family versus partner

Posted by
D7H
on Aug 11 2017 at 02:47
Member since: 11 August 2017
Relationship advice My partner has had quite a turbulent life which have involved sexual abuse, drug and alcohol abuse and financial issues. His family are not supportive and seem to be involved in fraud, alcoholism and a general disregard for work and healthy living.

My partner is clinically depressed, has anxiety issues, high blood pressure, joint replacement operations, can't eat, doesnt sleep well, a bit of alcohol dependency and to be honest it has not been easy to deal with all of these issues. I think it has been beneficial for him to spend time with my family as they have been very supportive. Unfortunately my mother has now said she feels 'uncomfortable' around my partner because of his anxiety and to be honest she thinks I can do better. I am a little upset about her lack of compassion and sympathy as that is not how we were brought up but because of that I have had to cancel a family holiday (just me and my partner, the rest of the family are still going) and now I feel uncomfortable pitting him against my family. They are all concerned for me, however I am now feeling torn as I think they should accept this is my choice and all this has done is made me feel upset and anxious. I think it is unfair as I have had partners that may have seemed ok on the outside before but have lied, cheated, committed crimes and hit out before and yet it was easier for them to accept them, as these issues were less obvious. I am only on here as I can't sleep and feel a little let down by my sister and brothers. Any advice would be appreciated.

Family versus partner

Reply from
MACALA
on Aug 11 2017 at 07:25
Member since: 11 August 2017
Seems rather complicated. I hope your GF is seeking help for anxiety and depression. Hopefully drug and alcohol abuse are in past as well. A relationship with all the baggage is a full load to take on. (I have an adult child that deals with anxiety and depression that I seem try to keep held together more than he does so I sympathize!)It's very consuming. I wonder if that's where your mom's concern lies. Seems there's alot more background here that led to where you are that can be lay down a better understanding of background for a true honest opinion. Not trying to be a negative on top of the negative and I am sure your mom loves you and hopefully she as well as your siblings will be there for you regardless. Unfair maybe but I believe your best interest is their concern. Prayers and best wishes for you and GF.

Family versus partner

Reply from
D7H
on Aug 11 2017 at 11:15
Member since: 11 August 2017
You are totally right there is more background, my boyfriend is registered blind and has three kids from two previous relationships, he does receive wages from health benefits in his previous job but currently he is living with family and trying to squeeze three kids into a single bed and a couch when he has them. He will soon be getting a place of his own. We both get on well and have feelings for each other but since he has came into my life again it has became a little less straightforward for me at least. I am not sure if he sees me as a life line sometimes though. He has received counselling and that went quite well albeit his anxiety still rears it's head and he finds it difficult to switch off. I had been happily single for a while, have my own house, car and business which I do from home. I literally have no baggage and my family know this. I do understand their concerns, however, due to discussions I have had with them they now dont really want to be in my boyfriends company anymore which puts me in a difficult position. I feel that he has not caused a rift but they have.

Family versus partner

Reply from
MACALA
on Aug 11 2017 at 16:37
Member since: 11 August 2017
I'm sure they mean no harm. Most families will love regardless. In my opinion the choices are due to issues in past that's where their resistance has come. Not sure of issues before and doesn't really matter. The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior and I'm sure that's the stance with family. You've probably told them things that has made it easy for them to chose to unplug.

People can change yes. I think in meantime tho I would try to be less demanding from them and look at different perspective. Most of the time family is gonna be there no matter who comes and goes. Hope things turn around

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