Him from another, do you have what it take to make a marriage work? Then again you have been together 10 years which shows commitment. Why is marriage so important to you if you have been together so long with out it?
There is a lot that goes into a decision like this, likely more than you have indicated in your post, which has ramifications for you and your children. My recommendation is not directly to your question of staying or leaving, but rather to first thoroughly continue the process you have started of gathering information and recommendations as you sort through your options. Have you considered professional counseling for yourself and/or with bf? You seem to be a good candidate for the benefits that can come from counseling. A therapist can also be a resource and source of support.
Your closing line questioning about “…eventually he will change his mind about marriage?” indicates your strong capacity to put your faith and trust in something or someone, in this case your bf. The good news is that there is Someone who is faithful and committed to us and our dilemmas in life. You didn’t mention your faith background. Would you mind sharing with us? I went through some difficult times in high school, and through my seeking have come to believe that Jesus invites us to learn of Him as an unfailing Friend and Counselor. Maybe this is a time in your life’s journey to get to know Him better. Opportunities to do that – open a Bible, say a prayer, call a Pastor, or walk into a church. I could provide other resources.
Not an easy position to be in, but I trust you will get through it, as I support you with my prayers.
After 10 years you both need to sit down with an estate planner or lawyer and get yourself a plan.
I have to a couple things to say about your original post. I think you need a different POV.
1.- "I took him from his ex gf bc i just knew i had to have him"
So, he was just a thing. A new cell phone, a brand new trending piece of fashion. You had to have him... That doesn't sound like love.
2.- "We have two kids together one of which I haven't told him wasn't his"
Now you're lying to him, you probably know he would get mad and end the relationship right away. Not to mention that he could actually deny support to the kid that is not his.
3.- "I knew over time we would grow to love each other"
That's friendship, not a marriage.
4.- "I have also suspected him of cheating with his ex and heard he wanted to get back with her but he chose me"
You suspect and you heard. Have you ever talked with him about it?
5.- "I love him because he is a good provider"
That's not love, honey. That's a different thing.
Now, let's do a quick reality check here. You took your partner from another woman, which makes you think that it could also happen to you. You know that the fact that you've been hiding the truth about the other guy's kid would be completely hurtful to the relationship. You took the easy way out omitting the information because "you knew the father wouldn't be able to support her". Now you're reaching that point in life when you want security and stability. But you built up this relationship on the debris of the former relationship. Those are never good foundations for love. Yet, here you are.
I would tell you to talk with him about the scenario where he is no longer with you. What would happen and how can he "protect" his family in the case of a tragedy, or something like that. If he knows that the house would go to his parents and he's not willing to put your name there or, at least, make some sort of legal paper where he entitles you to keep that after he's gone, then there must something on his mind that he's not telling you. Sit together and have a nice chat. Not about getting married, but about your future together. That may clarify some things up and give you both a good idea of where are you standing.
On the other hand, your question should raise some alarms already. 10 years and a question about wasting time put together are a clear indicative that there can be a lot of friendship and partnership, but not heart-pumping breath-taking love. Is this the man you want to be with when you're 70 or 80 years old?
Good luck. I hope you sort it out.
Discussion closed - why not create your own thread?