So my gf and I are a lesbian couple who’ve been together almost 3 years. We have always had a great, loving relationship up until this incident. We don’t live together but we’re always together. About a week ago when this incident occurred, she was over my place. We got into a stupid, petty argument over some girl commenting on her Instagram pics. Anyways the argument escalated and I said “Go kill yourself like your pathetic mother.” A little background info on my gf is her mom suffered from severe bipolar/depression, and drug abuse and killed herself a few years prior. So anyways after I said this, I immediately regretted it, but it was too late my gf punched me in the mouth. I tried fighting back but she’s much bigger and stronger. She basically beat the sh*t out of me. I was crying and screaming until she stopped and left.*
I haven’t seen her since this incident but we’ve talked on the phone. She keeps apologizing saying she blacked out, and it won’t happen again. I believe her cus she’s never shown signs of violence in the past. But I still don’t feel like I should just forgive and move on so easily. Please help. I’m at a loss
Hello there LISA93,
It's very sad when a couple ends up like this.
First things first. You should have never ever got her to that dark and painful place with the words you said. That is showing no respect whatsoever for your partner. If you did it, the relationship is broken and it has been broken for some time. Otherwise, those words wouldn't have came out of your mouth.
Second, she blacked out the first time. What on Earth guarantees she's not going to do it again? A blackout is not announced. It just happens.
Think carefully, but most probably that relationship ended.
From my perspective it doesn't seem like a good idea to stay together after the whole incident.
Good luck, and take care.
I agree, I'm afraid. Those heinous, outrageously hurtful words... I know you regret them, but...
It was somewhere you should never, EVER have gone. And you knew that. And yet you made the split-decision to do so. With that being the case, your mind had obviously decided it wouldn't be the end of the world if you...ended that world. Put more simply, you were 50/50...half-wanted the relationship, half-didn't.
That's not exactly a glowing testament to the bouncing baby-ness of your relationship, is it?
No need to panic, however. Just because a relationship ends, doesn't necessarily mean the couple themselves must. You must start a *new* relationship, the pair of you. And that takes a decent separation.
You know how when you get from holiday your house feels strange because...you know it and yet, don't know it? Alienation. The separation must alienate you from one another so that all those less than healthy habits you two formed over that 3-year period, *die*. From which point - you start to build a new one.
Or do the paid but faster and more careful/thorough way: enlist the help of a couples counsellor. Both together is obviously the 5-star choice. All depends on how desperate you both are to have another sh*g, basically (sorry - I tell it like it is). If you're both DefCon-ed from the shock and trauma of the fight and split then you'll be feeling pretty "antsy" right now, but it'll pass... it's just a design by-product of being 'in a war zone', all the inhabitants tend to reproduce the most (panic replication in case of death); yours and hers is the psycho-emotional version.
Meanwhile, this is the situation: you can remove that heavy-duty nail from her fence, but the hole needs filling if you want her 'good as new' so that the relationship follows suit. I suggest - logical, really - you do something to *cancel out* your show of her-motherly disrespect via a mighty gesture of its counterpart, respect. And same for having wanted to wound your gf (**you threw the first punch, see). Buried or cremated, do you know? RSvP.
**And then it'll be her turn to return-gesture. What she decides and feels like saying and doing to mend the fence-hole she created in you, is up to her. Give her the floor, let's see what she's made of (this is a test, do not adjust your relationship set).
It's interesting, though, isn't it: bearing in mind that for every physical/tangible entity in this world there is a psychological equivalent - you fight with a sword made out of cruel and precision-targeted words and statements and this makes her "make like a goldfish" whereupon, instantaneously, she switches to a sword made out of her fist.
So you're the clever one, then. LOL But impulsive with it. (Or do you have no internal editor?)
But you both acted like silly kids, you do know that, don't you.
(I just wanted to end on a ticking off because it's what I do best.
Anyway, if you don't want to get punched again in future, I suggest you don't ever again throw the first one (with a brick in your fist whilst wearing knuckle-dusters). That would probably do it.
And do the "starting from (almost) scratch" and/or counselling.
50p, please. And RSvP.