Thoughts on virtual relationships
I've been in a virtual relationship since August 2008. The first one didn't work. This one I am in right now, is frighteningly very close to ending - that is if I don't really know what I'm waiting for at the other end.
I met Richard in September of 2010, online. I had not even ended the first one because Tom and I had not been in touch for more than a couple of months in spite of my numerous letters to him. We had been together for a little more than 2 years. But all we exchanged were a few emails, a few calls, a few gifts. There was really nothing concrete to look forward to because every time I asked, he would change the subject or not answer me at all. Richard and I met as friends. It was to him that I turned to, when the first one didn't work out. It was he who guided me, held my hand so to speak and told me to end it. Even before the first online relationship had ended, I had already started looking for another one. What does that make me? Unfaithful?
After a week of writing to Tom, I had said yes, to Richard, who had been very persistent. It was my choice too. Maybe at the time, it was my way of forgetting Tom, forgetting about the 2 years we had together. But the more predominant reason was that Richard had so many aspects to him that really intrigued me - so much zest for life, respect for himself and those around him, and so many other things that I just felt myself drawn to him. What had really drawn me to him was how respectful he was of my feelings, of my space. He was so unlike a lot of other men I had seen on dating sites who were so outright about what they wanted, which most of the time was just sex. I didn't want that. Richard was different. He kind of catered to what I wanted.
Our first few months were the sweetest. He would wait almost everyday for me to get home from work, where we would chat. It would be around 9 am my time and it would be around 3 to 5 am his time. We talked about anything and everything - our dreams, our aspirations, what we wanted out of the relationship.
Almost 10 months after, I can't say the same thing. Though, I had questioned him about his plans, he didn't respond very well and thought that I had doubted him. Which I really did. I made no qualms about hiding it. We had plans for me to resign from work as soon as possible - he couldn't wait; we would prepare for the wedding, look around for a house in the southern part of the Philippines, then get back to Manila, he may have to go back to the U.K. The wedding was something we never concretely discussed. Those were the things we talked about during the first few months.
Then he started having internet problems. I did not hear from him for almost 2 months then he came back online and just told me that all his systems were down. I took his word for it. There was no reason for me to doubt him. I guess, that's the way I am. I don't like doubting other people.
I would write almost everyday in fact, and I would get an email from him at least twice a week. I would be lucky if I got one from him in a week. It's never really about us anymore. He just talks about his online marketing business. It's good actually and I really believe it works. Right now, it isn't the best option for me yet, as I'm new at it. It's quite challenging actually because I work nights, come home tired and know that I still have a bit of stuff to do online. Most days, I just want to jump right into bed and sleep.
Lately, I've found myself writing less and less. Sometimes, I just write twice a week but he responds at least once a week. Today, he writes, "Is there a reason you're not writing anymore?" That brought shivers to my spine. Is there? I'm asking myself now if I really have to try very hard. What's in it for me or the better question would be, "when are we going to be together?"
There's just so many aspects to this. I hate it how I'm such a woman most times. I get easily puzzled, irritated, frightened. I never expected him to write everyday. So what was I expecting from him?
I keep thinking how many women, a lot less prettier than me, a lot less smarter than me, can attract a foreigner. And why do I need to have a relationship with a foreigner? Does it really have to be a foreigner? Why can't I have a relationship with another Pinoy? I keep thinking that I'm more attracted to foreign men, especially westerners because they're just so transparent. There's no hidden agenda. They say and do what they want.
Can't I love like any normal person? Am I not lovable. I'm turning 35 next month. It frightens me so much that I'm growing old so fast and yet I haven't fulfilled my dream of having at least one child from my own womb. But I also don't want a rushed wedding to a man who won't love me for the rest of my life. What do I really want to do? Am I destined to be lonely for the rest of my life?
Richard had once so frankly told me that I wasn't his type. But that he would love me because of me. I just know he won't see other women while we're together. While saying this, I know I'm sounding like a very naïve woman. But so be it. He won't see them, not romantically at least. But I don't also want to get him into something he may always regret. I've lost weight yes, but only a few pounds. I don't think I'll be able to go back to my original size. I love food too much. I don't devour as much food anymore, but I'm far from petite. I just console myself with the thought that somehow, I hope he loves me for who I really am as he says he will. I just think that everything is easier said than done though.
Right now, there is really no reason for me to end this relationship nor do I have a concrete reason to continue. I've always thought that we should have always talked about our future plans from time to time like the "us" aspect of the relationship. We haven't done it in a very long time. I'm afraid to ask him again because I don't want to elicit a negative reaction or make him feel that I doubt him when he says that we will be together. The only question is "when?" It makes me very sad and frustrated and I need help. What kind of help do I really need? Who can teach one how to care? Is there such a thing?
are you for real? does the word reality mean anything to you?
forget richard and tom, just meet a real person because i doubt your womb will be filled with a child online,
get a grip you emotional wreck,
Please ignore ''Truth Teller''. He only thinks he's a blunt truth teller when he's hiding behind a keyboard.
I know this was written a while ago but i'll answer it as if it was written yesterday.
I personally think you're wasting your time with a long distance internet relationship. If you truly want marriage and children it's not to late and i wouldn't waste another minute on Richard or tom, they're not serious more then likely. If you have to do internet dating then go local and go out on a few dates with a few different men to see if theres chemistry. You can talk online for months and think you know the person and think they love/like you but internet and real life are completely different so don't waste to much time typing and talking. Go out and meet them then decide if you would like to pursue this. Also don't rely solely on internet dating sites. Go out in the real world as well. It's hard keeping a relationship with someone 2 hours away that people already know never mind internet relationships where the guy is in another Country.
Men will always tell you what you wanna here and you have to have good instincts and the right mentality to know which ones are bull or for real. If not you'll be blinded by lust and you will waste years of your life on a guy who never seen a future with you and next thing you know you'll be 45 still stuck in the same situation.
Before i type more i'm going to wait and if you don't respond i'm going to assume you haven't been on here. So if you still get updates please comment back.