Gf wants me to cut off ties with my family
JO - Aug 19 2017 at 00:53
I’ve posted about this on here twice in the last few weeks. I will try to keep it short this time. Me and my gf are together for 6 years [lesbian couple]. When I came out my family didn’t took it well, especially my mom. A few months after coming out I had abroad to go study. I stayed in a long distance relationship with my gf for a year. Then she came to the same country as me to study as well and to be together. Long story short, my gf came to disliking my family [my mom and brother] because my mom was always not fully accepting or not showing at least respect for our relationship and my brother is self-absorbed dick that is living below us and making a lot of noise all the time.
A lot has happened in these years, and my gf wants to me fully cut ties with them. She says that they don’t contribute in any way to our relationship or my life. I limit how much I talk to my family now, like only once or twice a week, just a quick hello to see if they are ok thats it. I personally am not a person that will hate my family, of course my relationship with them is not the same anymore but I don’t see the need to fully cut them off like my gf is saying. I’m not obligated to do anything for my family, I don’t depend on them for money, I don’t help my brother with his needs anymore, so I don’t feel like they have any control over me or are invasive in our relationship in order to cut them off. To me just talking once in a while with them is ok. But my gf is really just done with them, especially with my brother being loud downstairs [he lives in the apartment below us], despite me telling him to keep it down multiple times. When things are not going well, my gf blames me for how things are, and that she sacrificed a career that she wanted to be with me. I don’t find that fair. Not sure what to do.. Its not financially possible to move somewhere else right now.
Jo, your issue is still the same..your GF is controlling and manipulative and she has no right whatsoever to determine and decide that you cut your family, whether they support you or your relationship or not. Why should you limit your calls to family because she thinks you should cut them? Rather, she should be thankful that you still have contact with them given your circumstances. Of course you're not obligated to your family but that doesn't give your partner the right to demand that you stop communicating with them. She doesn't own you and she never will.
Your relationship is becoming one sided and she is attempting to isolate you and it's her insecurities which drive and contribute to this behavior. Sure, she gave up a career she wanted, to be with you, but she should have done that out of the need to be with you and her love for you. You can't have a loving and successful relationship when one partner selfishly 'calls the shots' and leaves the other with little option but to wear it or eventually leave. Instead your 6 year relationship should be all about communication, discussing issues (rather than demanding), having respect for one another and sharing everything together.
Your previous post mentioned harmony while this post mentions fairness but you need to realize that you have neither at the moment.