Pathological liar / alcoholic mother is trying to break up 10 year relationship
About a month ago, my fiancé called me informing me that my dad had kicked him out of the house. When I asked him why, he said that the night before, in the middle of the night he was walking to the restroom and saw my mother sleeping on the couch. He went over and grabbed my moms butt.
The next day my dad asked my fiancé to talk and told him my mom told my dad what happened the night before. My fiancé apologized and didn't want to cause any problems so he left without any confrontation. But neither party actually talked about what the other party did or didn't do.
Backstory, my fiancé and I have been dating for 10 years and living together for 8 years. My mom has never liked my fiancé. She's tolerated for him because she knows that I love him and that he does make me happy. My dad does what my mom says, even if she's wrong. My mom feels that I can do better. That I should be marrying a man who has money and can offer me more materialistic items than love. Love doesn't pay the bills. So she's been telling me this for 9 years and doesn't like the fact that she can't control my life.
My mother has a history of depression, multiple suicide attempts, she is addicted to prescription pain killers, and is an alcoholic. She's had trauma to her head due to being drunk, slipping and hitting her head. Law enforcement has been dispatched to my parents house because she thinks someone is canvassing the house or she might have dreamt that someone was breaking into their home.
That first weekend I ended up staying with my fiancé and we were trying to figure out what was going to happen between us. Was I going to leave my parents, were we going to break up? Things like that.
When I got home Sunday night, the room had been cleaned out. Anything that had to do with the life I shared with my fiancé was thrown away or moved to the shed, so that was just about 95% of my stuff. My mom then had my dad buy me a futon to sleep on and an IKEA closet. That night my mom, dad and I got into an argument. But that night I also realized that my mom had told my dad a whole mother story.
My mom told my dad that my fiancé sexually assaulted her. That while she was sleeping he came in to the living room and forced himself on her. Touching her and getting off on that. She told my dad that it happened twice in one night, but that it was the second time that this incident has happened in the year that we had been living there. When I asked her why she didn't call the cops, she said that she didn't want me to leave and be with him, and she didn't want to burden us with any legal fees, or him lose his job. I told her screw that, if he really did what you're saying, why would you not stop this from happening again? She stood quiet.
When I heard this, I knew damn well that my mother was lying. When I told my dad that there wasn't a first it a second time, only this one time, that my mom has had it out for my fiancé since the beginning, he agreed with me. He said I was right. But yet he sided with my mom. And as messed up as it is, I get why he did. That's his wife of 32 years. But to stand by someone who's lying about something so sensitive, is not something I would expect my dad to do. Especially when he is telling me, while my mother isn't present, that if my fiancé comes back and asks me to move in together I should go, if that's what makes me happy. If my dad is willing to stand by my mom, but yet tell me this, I feel like my dad knows my fiancé didn't do what my mom says he did.
For those of you asking, my fiancé never liked the idea of moving in with my parents, but the house we were living in before my parents, he living conditions were horrible. We had next to nothing saved and our credit what crap. So for him, this was a solution where he wasn't the bad guy. Yet, the realization of not being with me every day, like we were for the past 8 years, set in that first week we weren't.
Now the real reason I am here. I need some advice on how what or how to deal with my mother. My fiancé and I have not stopped seeing each other. We still plan on moving back in once we have enough saved up. But right now, I'm asking my friends and family to cover for me while he and I got out. The reason being, I'm scared that my mom will get mad and go to the cops and press charges, she has severe mood swings. I feel like I'm 15 years old again. PLEASE HELP!
Ten years together? Still living with relatives? I'd say THAT'S the issue, not your obviously ill mother.
This is quite interesting. I have a couple questions for you.
- Why would your fiance grab your mom's butt?
I've been married for 5 years, lived together for 6 and a half years and I have a very close relationship with my in-laws, but I wouldn't grab my mother in law butt. That's totally disrespectful. Specially if she's asleep.
- 8 years living together at your parents house? Are planning to leave any time soon?
Don't get me wrong, I'm latin american and we live with our parents past the 30 while single (not my case in particular, but that's common). But I think you and your fiance are in a comfort zone and you don't want to leave.
Piece of advice, move to a small place. Both of you should be working and it should be pretty easy to find a place to rent where both of you can accommodate.
Nothing would have happen if you were living by yourselves already. And that "I was casually walking to the restroom when I saw your mom sleeping on the couch and decided to grab her butt" is nonsense.
Thank you for the replies, but we haven't been living with my parents for 8 years. We had a place of our own for 7 1/2 years. We moved in with my parents 6 months ago. We gave ourselves 1 year to save up and get our own place. And that's where we are at. But I'm not sure if my mom would go off the deep end and press charges on my fiancé if I decide to leave.
Ohhhhh! That's a completely different thing. Just move. In the worst case it's your word vs hers.
Nevertheless, be careful about a guy that "casually grabs your mom's butt on his way to the restroom".