So messed up right now
I have been with my partner for 8 years. We have been engaged and living together for 4 years and have 2 children together, Joshua, 4 and Oliver, 3. We have recently had a miscarriage, about 7 weeks ago, I was 10 weeks pregnant when I started bleeding. We had a really tough time getting over this. We carried on trying and I have just found out im 4 weeks pregnant. Im scared of losing it again. Im also on anti depressants and have been for 7 months.
Recently we havent been getting on too well, all my fiance ever seems to do is moan at me, if its not about money its about the car, if its not about the car its about housework, but mainly its about money... constantly! It really gets me down and he knows it does but he carries on with it.
We had an argument last night and I told him that 5 years ago (we had a break nov - jan) at the end of jan when we got back together, i kissed another boy at a friends 18th birthday. I hadnt told him before now cos I was too scared of losing him after only just getting him back. He feels like a total mug cos i kept it from him for so long and he now hates me for it.
But its not like he is all innocent. About 3 years ago, just a few months after our engagement, he started to like another girl who he worked with. He would text her all the time and he told her that he fancied her, and apparently the feeling was mutual but she wasnt going to chase him cos he was with me. At his leaving do, she came and they spent a lot of time talking, and she ended up getting with another guy cos he was with me. The next day my sister (who happens to have the same name as this girl, Sarah) phoned him and asked to talk to me, him being guilty thought it was the girl he fancied and was like oh please dont tell caroline! My sister was like wtf? So it all came out and I felt totally betrayed by him that he could emotionally feel for someone else, even if nothing happened. Also that night I found out I was pregnant with our 2nd child.
Now we overcame this and carried on, and everything has been ok, normal really. But recently I feel like hes just taking the piss, all he does is moan moan moan and its really getting me down. So last night during an argument it came out that I cheated on him 5 years ago. He is totally betrayed by this and that I kept it from him for so long, which i totally understand and I do feel terrible for. But surely what he did was worse? Anyway now he totally hates me and is blaming me for everything and I just feel so messed up.
I feel like I dont even want to be with him anymore anyway, im hurt from all the things he says to me, i never get a compliment or a nice gesture, all i get is moaned at if i do things wrong. I dont know what to do with myself I just want to run away from it all but guess what? No money!! haha!!! I dont even know what I want out of this message I just feel that I needed to write it all down. Sorry its so long and thank you for anyone that reads it, I dont expect any responses. Thanks for ur time.
Hi Messedupcaz, I wonder if you and your partner might be interested in counseling together? I work for a very POSITIVE talk show where you and he could discuss things in a safe and fair environment and we also provide aftercare counseling. Let me know if you are open to discussing, totally no commitment but it could genuinely be helpful.
Feel free to email me at castingdilemmas(at)gmail(dot)com and I can tell you more... best of luck!
I'm guessing your partner works and you stay home, looking after the kids? There's a lot of pressure on the bread-winner in that situation, which probably explains his money worries.
Is he right about the housework? Do you need to spend as much money as you do? Is he being unreasonable?
If the moaning gets you down, try to do something about the things he dislikes.
Now that you have kids, you owe it to them to make your relationship work. This may just be a sticky patch. Everyone has them.