Problems problems problems
Where do I start, I am at a point if I don't write and express my feelings somewhere I am about to loose my mind literally. This is a lot, but I need to vent so I do apologize please forgive me for going on and on.
I am a 38 year old married man with a wonderful wife and child my problems stem from my parents and sister. For the last 6 years unfortunately I have been disabled due to a major injury that I sustained in auto wreck ( there went my plans for law school) ever since then my life has been spiraling down and unfortunately it has not rebounded yet. In those six years my father has robbed my disability checks,he has opened credit cards in my name and destroyed my credit rating, actually called my bank and ordered personal checks from my account!!! I bought a car in my name for him and my mother with the gate tee that he will pay for it two years later it was repoed by the bank. The idiot that I am I bought a car in his name because my credit was shot so the car insurance was in his name, he used my car to make small accidents in order to collect money on the insurance and never fixed my automobile. When I was younger he went to my bank and withdrew 7000 dollars from my account to put down on as all home in nepa how the hell do you do that and what guys did he have to do such illegal act!!! There's so much more.
My mother was always an abusive person she broke my cheekbone when I was 13 years old by mounting me and punching me in the face for a minuted straight, she has stabbed me with scissors as a young teenager she has cursed me to get the worst diseases to man, she has been so abusive to my poor wife and she has even cursed my daughter in the worst ways that I am embarrassed to write them out on a forum. She has made fun of my daughter for being born through IVF treatment and again so much more.
My sister just literally has a hate for that I still can't understand why. Recently she made a false police report that I have has stolen her car and had the police department call my home to ask me where her car is? I never touched her car I live 3 hours away from these people I told the cop press charges for this false report nothing came about of it. I tell my parents say something how do you justify this and allow it to happen there response is she is sick that's always the answer to all the evil that my sister does she is supposedly sick and trust me she is not hate and evil is not sick it's demonic and I hate using that word, but it is.
I have so many personal problems that it makes me depressed my daughter has skin issues that doctors always give different diagnoses may it be eczema psoriasis dermatitis she is also struggling with school that she may have a learning disability my wife the good person and awesome house wife that she is, is just not very helpful I pay the bills I deal with the schools I deal with the doctors I even have to deal with my wife's gynecologist because she wants me to talk everything is on my head everything!!!
It's a catch 22 with my family if I would report any of them for what they have done I am a bad son in our communities eyes the fact that I don't I am an idiot.
This is just some of my issues my body has been injured I need 4 disc replacements in my neck I have had surgery for compartment syndrome I have massive stiffness of my thighs that I can't bend or squat I have had rabdomylisos after getting swine flu I'm like WTF!!!!!!!! I am not a bad guy I do have mean mouth when I am frustrated or angry but I am not malicious I care for people in general I never hurt anyone I try my best to do good and help and I still see all this bad in my life!!! Prayer has not worked much, where else can I turn.
Thanks for listening
Hello, I was sincerely touched by your situation. You must be feeling so overwhelmed and isolated right now... especially since on top of everything else you are a husband and father and they need you. I can't imagine the deep level of betrayal that you have had to deal with during your lifetime. It's inconceivable that those that were suppose to protect and care for you have been so dubious and destructive. But you have been blessed it seems with a lovely woman willing to share your journey and the burdens. I don't know how these things work regarding chatrooms/forums or if it's ok to dump out my limited wisdom, I was stumbling in my own lonely desperation tonight and trying to reach out for help too, so I hope it will be alright for me to be there for you instead?
When the body is in constant pain like you are in, you either get use to it somehow or go crazy trying to get use to it, but your still dealing with it one way or another on some level... and unless your sleeping it is always stealing your vitality and focus which makes it hard to think clearly, and causes the emotions to get muddy. But when your dealing with trauma (and drama) it takes over completely! It's like trying to run through quicksand while your brain's on fire. There is no place left for peace, rest, rejuvenation and wholeness...only the hole. You want it to all just go away- especially the despair and anguish!!! But you've been blessed as well it seems with a strong determined mind, and the training & discipline to be a warrior... a true fighter, and though your body is suffering right now, remember that you've already built up those shoulder muscles...made them strong, and firm, and wide enough so that no matter the load, you'll be able to bare it. You'll get yourself, your wife and your sweet daughter safely to the other side of the shore soon... it just seems dark outside for now!
That's what I find so unique and beautiful about the male body and men especially... the way God designed you stoically and with such great strength and courage on the outside, yet still capable of amazing love and gentleness on the inside (apparently that didn't come from your DNA pool by the way, Lol,) That you created for yourself, be proud, and pass it on to the next generation!
I heard someone once say that you actually get two chances at parenting... the one you get by the parents you received at birth, and the one where you choose 'to be' the parent you should have had at birth. That is your first obligation, to unselfishly create the happiest life for your wife and daughter, to protect and to cherish them, cleave to them, love them, be joyful with them even when everything else is crumbling inside and all around you... because the important people in your life are still waiting for you to hold! That's also where you'll get the healing. The only thing that's changed is a few personal goals and your physical condition that's all.
Too bad your father didn't get the same memo, but you are not your father- or your mom, you stand for something higher and nobler. 'YOU' are someone's Daddy now... you cannot allow for another's evil to enter your home or their choices to destroy your life, otherwise you are agreeing to be a co-conspirator in that destruction. You have to give up 'feeling guilty' for doing the right thing by standing up for yourself and protecting your family from the wolves at the door... or in your case the 'thief' at the door! Your money and your reputation belong to you to take care of and use for your own family's needs, not to lay like a victim on the ground and be continually mugged at the hands of your father and the other animals you got stuck with! Separate yourself from the heard before it's too late... because I promise you, somehow they will be an influence on your daughter. It might not show up today, but it will show up! Once you figure out that your never going to get from them what you needed or deserved long ago as a child I'm confident you'll be able to close that door and grieve, after that do yourself a favor and stick them all in the slammer and toss the key. Don't look back, get rid of that toxic baggage that causes more pain then the worse car accident, sucks you emotionally dry, and takes your energy away from your child and wife! Stop worrying, those kind of people will always find another sucker to leach off! You are not under obligation to them, again, only to your family! Some would say the first priority is to yourself... and that's true to an extent, like on a plane when we're told to place the oxygen mask on ourselves... than we place it on our child so we can keep ourselves alive and breathing so we can keep them alive and breathing. The same reason we are suppose to take care of our bodies, minds, and spirit. But I believe that our first priority actually is to our own families, as we loose ourselves in service to them, we are forgetting our own weaknesses, ego and frailties and are able to see God's rays of little mercies. The unexpected twirl and laughter of your daughter or the hug around your neck, even the snoring of your wife as she trustingly lays next to you each night...these small things are declarations from the Universe that you are loved, and not alone! Who really cares if you ever became a lawyer ... except you. So,'accept you', find another path and begin again. You're overwhelming yourself into tunetown! On a personal note I'd like to say that I think good fathers are like earth angels. They're irreplaceable! and for 'daughter's' you are essential and have the most impact. studies have shown that the closer and more loving that relationship is, will determine the girl's self-esteem, self-worth, how she thrives, respects, values or conducts herself later... and ultimately who she chooses to date/marry. You're influence is key to her future happiness! Never, never underestimate your importance... honor what she sees in you. That's why I keep repeating how it won't matter to her what job title you have, things you buy, or if you ran marathons... only that you were there, involved, available, loving, sweet, understanding, forgiving, interested, engaged, a bit nerdy, caring, tender, fun, loved and respected her mommy...and kept her world safe!
I was really fortunate to have had the most imperfect father. He had a German temper, could have been more sensitive to my feelings, never knew how to de-esculate a sibling conflict only esculated them. Was gruff, rough, impatient and we often locked horns as a teenager. But he taught me to know God and appreciate the beauty and bounty of His creation... and what honor, loyalty, dedication, strength, work ethic, education, kindness, compassion, humility, forgiveness and unconditional love meant. He was orphaned as a toddler during the depression and raised in a hellish orphanage until he was old enough to walk 40 miles to the closest High school where he built a shack out of wood scrapes in the snow. Never owned a pair of underware during that whole time, stole chickens to eat, froze during the winters, no Christmas or Christmas gifts.. hardly a blanket and straw, didn't have the example of parents or companionship of brothers and sisters, walked 2 hours each way to school and graduated top in his class, afterwards the military became his family... he did whatever job he had to do to support us, even selling kirby vaccumn cleaners door to door... but the most important thing he ever did was adore my mother & love his kids, and trust me, we did not make it easy on him! Not once did we ever worry about 'if' he'd come home after working his grueling job, or was off somewhere gambling away the house payment, fighting, drinking, or womanizing. He spent his spare time fixing our cars, working in his garden, showing us how to fish, attending Church as a family, or doing whatever needed to be done including cooking/cleaning & helping neighbors... and on Sunday mornings we'd snuggle up on the sofa to read the funny papers together and simply giggle. These are the true Christlike values he emulated every day, not because he had to, but because he chose to!
I'm sure at times he was extremely overwhelmed, scared and probably wanted to just drive off... but he never showed it, and looking back I bet there was a whole lot of other things we weren't aware of either, but as is usually the case, it wasn't until after his death that I finally realized that he far exceeded the One-Dimensional role I'd cast him into as 'Dad', and which I had defined him by... according to my own limited view! I spent my whole life stupidly oblivious to the fact that my father had already lived an extraordinarily full range of experiences before we had ever met when I was born!!! LOL!
Internally he too must have felt the weight of the whole world bearing down on him, as you do now, But then things eased up a little, you get another day and another...you pray alot, and you start to move forward again... towards happiness and contentment.
And even though God gave you those big shoulders to carry such demanding loads, it's easy to forget that underneath you Warriors... is good worthy men.
The reason I'm taking the time in sharing this story, is because like you, my Dad had no road map pointing the directions, or any role models to show how to be a true Father, he was a feral cat that had to scratch, dig, make mistakes and wonder through his insecurities and doubts til he got it right. Not perfect, just right! so be mindful of where you are coming from and how far you've made it, don't give into giving up and do your best. My Dad always did his best, and with personal integrity and grit! Now you can add these tools to your own toolbox. My Dad was my mentor, we may have had our issues but I miss him every single day, and I can't tell you how grateful I am that God gave me to him to raise... someday your little girl will say the same! You being on earth at this time is not an accident, You being her Daddy is not an accident, You have a purpose, Your challenges are there for a reason as are mine. And our lives and God's plan for us is so much greater than we can ever understand. I know we are special to him... and if you stop and reflect on how much you love your little daughter, than how much more infinite is our Heavenly Father's love for you?!!
Sometimes I feel it, not always can I comprehend it ... but I absolutely have a Testimony of it!
And I pray things will get better for you soon.
One more thing, I don't know why I'm sharing this, but I keep getting the impression that I need to.
Two weeks ago today a wonderful family that we've known for years buried their youngest child. He was the baby of a very large and close family and was everyone's favorite. He had just entered his
Senior year of High School and was handsome, bright, smart, popular, talented, an eagle scout, fun, and the kind of kid you want to be with. If he saw that someone was being excluded he would quickly intervene or not hesitate in asking the shy girls to dance. He always was smiling and happy... and had his whole young life ahead of him. Than a few Seniors from his school targeted him to bully. What they said and did started taking root and soon reality started to get replaced by the negative lies & manipulative actions of people with their own agendas til he was pulled down like an undertow by their powerful messages. Sometimes despair can come on quickly and hopelessly plunge you into an all consuming darkness, and feelings of hopelessness. Who can stand against it's strong winds or impulses? Who can make any right choices when it is happening? and in an instant you can make deadly decisions that can never be taken back. There are those who will be deliberately hurtful, and will do anything to bring others down or do whatever they can to get what they want. And even though feelings are temporary and fleeting they can seem permanent and real at the time, with lethal consequences. He was well loved but got to the point that he couldn't connect to that love, or the good in life or life itself. It's a true tragedy to be so deceived, especially by ourselves!
...keep doing what's right- and let go of the things (and people) who are harmful to you and your family-
Remember: we are eternal, and 'Families Are Forever!'
-Nina aka MISS APPROPRIATE
(A) I have a daughter too. 15. She's my Precious Pearl. Fill your baby up with as much love as you can now, so hopefully she'll remember it later.
I am sorry I have not responded sooner, I created this thread and forgot about it. I do thank you for the kind words, to be honest it’s the nicest thing anyone has ever written me so I thank you for that.
Yes my family is evil I am still being robbed of my rent the story unfortunately never changes, the night I wrote this I thought I was going to burst and have a stroke or heart attack so I just wanted to write something down to get another perspective of my situation. Unfortunately all my descriptions of my family are true and I just except for what it is and that is that they hate me!
My birthday just past didn’t even get a fake phone call from any of them, between me and you that hurt a little bit, but it was nice with my wife and daughter they bought me a cake and sang for me that felt good. All I need is for them to be healthy and happy and I need nothing else.
Just need to get out of my lease to run as far as I can away from my parents and sister I’m trying to get out west being in the same state as they are is too close and when you have a group of people that hate you that much things don’t go well. Unfortunately money talks and when you don’t have it you keep your mouth shut, but I do hate the south lol.
Thank you for being kind to me and writing very kind things it felt really good to read that I’m not used to it. God bless