I've been lying to my dad for over a year about going to college
I never really wanted to go to college, but I went to a local community college just so I wouldn't get kicked out. My dad wanted me done with community college in no more then two years so I could transfer. I did pretty well in all my classes, but when I chose my classes I wasn't very careful so I ended up taking a lot of classes I didn't need, so when I applied to a state school I found out that I didn't complete enough general ed classes to fulfill the transfer requirement. I knew my dad would not be happy that I would be stuck in community college for another semester, let alone the two semesters it would probably take me to get the specific classes I needed.
This is where the lying started.
Rather then tell my dad the truth, that I knew would make him very angry, I decided to tell him that one of the new classes I started was a requirement to transfer and there wasn't enough people enrolled so the class was going to be cut. When I told him this he was a bit angry, but he was somewhat understanding. He was mostly upset that I probably wouldn't be graduating on time (which is very important to him for some reason). From here the lying only got more severe. While I was doing another semester at community college I told him that I got accepted to the state school and I would be transferring at the end of the semester. By this time I had found another place to live so I moved out in January of this year. When I moved out I had still been telling my dad (and all the rest of my family) that I would be attending the local state school.
I continued to lie and he still thinks I'm enrolled in the state school.
At this point he thinks I've completed an entire semester, a summer session, just started another session, and that I will be graduating within a year. I'm very certain that him and the rest of my family assume that what I tell them is the truth. I know it was wrong to lie. I never wanted it to go this far and now I have to fix it. The reason I never wanted to go to college was because I'm a film major and getting a film degree is useless and a huge waste of time. If I could go back in time I would tell myself not to waste those two and a half years in community college. I do freelance video and photography and a degree is completely useless in this field. I already have the knowledge to be successful and I have been running my own small business doing what I want to do and college was preventing me from doing that. I've told this to my dad before (before I started college) and he didn't seem to get it. He told me that a college degree was necessary (I'd agree with him if I was doing any other profession).
I never wanted the lying to go this far and now I need to fix it, but how?
I lied and told him that I got accepted to the state school to get him to stop nagging me about it constantly and that was about a year ago.
There's a couple ways I could go at this point.
The first option is I could lie a bit more (what's the harm at this point). I could tell him that I'm dropping out of school because I feel it is holding me back. He wouldn't know about me not going to school for this past while and would probably be less mad, but at the same time I don't really want to lie anymore. If I do tell him this from now on I would never lie to him about anything this big again. This way would probably keep more trust in tact between the two of us as he would never know about all the lying I've done.
The other option is I come clean on everything and tell him the whole truth. As much as I want to do this though I feel it would cause more problems between us. I lied about so much and he would know about every lie I told and I don't know how he would react. This is the option I want to be able to do, but I fear it may be a long time before we are able to get back to normal if we are able to do that at all.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
I can talk to you as both father and son.
Your dad wants the best for you, but sometimes we seek for our "children" what is good for us.
Start by answering this questions and writing down the answers (for yourself):
1.- What do you want in life and what are your plans to achieve it?
2.- Why did you lie?
3.- Why you decided to stop lying?
4.- How can you fix it (in terms of not losing all of your father's trust in you)
You need to make sure your dad listens to you from start to finish. So, ask him to "no matter what" listen to you until the end.
He's your dad and he'll understand you. But you need to proof to him that you're a grown up (if you are) and that you can handle this kind of decisions with some advise.
Good luck! Keep us posted.
You have described quite a conflict around following your own path and trying to please your father to not incur his anger. While you have put a lot of thought into describing and resolving this dilemma, you describe your father as having his own agenda on what he wants for you. So you are taking a bold step in wanting to confront and resolve this matter.
The objectives of the options you proposed appear to have outcomes of putting your efforts more directly into your business and career, and having a more open and honest relationship with our father.
On option one, lying only tends to breed more lying, and, as you indicate, there is a lot of uncertainty in projecting the outcome of that. Are you certain that this option would really put an end to your lying?
Option two indicates you really want your relationship with your father to be based on truth, even though you foresee possible consequences in your relationship with him.
You are aware that either option will create a set of problems.
What about basing your choice on what defines you as a person, your character, your values and beliefs? Ultimately, how are you going to best live with yourself? It seems you are leaning toward wanting a life of integrity.
What or who are your references for modeling, guidance, inspiration? Your post indicates a strong reference to father and family.
Do you have a faith or spiritual reference that might guide your considerations and decisions? By reaching out through this post you show an openness to suggestion and perspectives. Had you considered reaching out to Jesus who invites us to bring our burdens to Him. He understands our condition, and by His life has given us an example of affirming Truth.