I think I'm a lesbian
Hi. I have been in straight long term relationships one after the other since I've been about 16. I have loved these men definitely, and genuinely thought they were beautiful, but I have never been really interested in sex with them, I have never had a passionate attraction to them. I have a different attraction to women. When I am having sex with my boyfriend I close my eyes and try to imagine it's a woman. I have a friend, when she talks all I can think about is how soft her lips would feel on my body. I have slept with women and have had a few flings.
I know it looks very obvious by this message what the answer is. But it is so much more complicated. I love my boyfriend, he is so beautiful & kind, caring & funny. I don't want to loose him. I don't want to come out, it terrifies me. I always hoped it was a phase but it's beginning to become all consuming. On the outside no one would guess any of this, another part of this is I live in a small town where everyone knows everyone's business, I also suffer from mental health issues, and so I am honestly unsure if I would handle the pressure of coming out, and have attempted suicide before so I worry that coming out and everything that will come with it will trigger my illness.
This is all a lot I know, sorry!
You might be bi-sexual? I know you don't want to hurt your current boyfriend but sometimes you have to do what's best for yourself. If you're not happy, you're not happy. Just follow your heart chick. And who even says you have to put a label on what you are? Don't care about what others think, I know it's hard but it will be worth it. I wish the best for you!
We each have a soul that has lived lives before us. Maybe you have the soul of a powerful man than loved women.
If I were in this situation, I would stay in the small town for a couple of years, long enough to get a diploma in a specific field, then move to a larger city where I could be FREE. Myself.
You see when we are not honest with ourselves, we can not be connected. We end up wearing a mask and that can lead to all kinds of different problems. Our IDENTITY is one of the most important keys to having a healthy and strong life.
Train, get a job in a bigger city... and make some new friends.
Keep your focus on FREEDOM. Find a career that YOU LOVE, so that no matter what else happens in your life... you will love the life that supports you. Find other things that you love to do. Put the idea of a relationship on hold for a while and solidify the relationship you have with yourself.
If you build yourself to be independent and strong... you will attract the right kind of woman, one that will cherish you as opposed to one that will prey on your insecurities and need for a partner.
BUILD YOUR LIFE, YOUR PATH... AND THEN LET LOVE HAPPEN.
Please excuse the second post... normally I would wait for a response before continuing on but I wanted to make one more point.
We each have a pattern of energy... some people click and some people do not......regardless of if we are male or female.
The choice is yours.
Do you see what I am saying?
Find the right PERSON.