Should I try again with him?
Hi so I've been with my boyfriend for almost 9 months now and so at the start of our relationship it was nothing too serious and so I was talking to other guys, I didn't think anything of it as he was a new guy and we were just getting to know each other. However when he found out he called it cheating and was very upset, as would I if I was in his position. Although the months after then it was all fine we were both happy until a couple of months ago things changed. He started getting angrier even though I was completely loyal to him then and I am completely inlove with him.
He likes to be in control which I'm fine with but he takes it too far like if I can't meet up with him one night he'll call me a bitch and that it shows I'm not putting in effort when I had a good reason I couldn't see him. He then went on to tell me I was to cancel on my tutor to come see him so I did and then something came up and I got told I couldn't leave the house and so he got really mad and broke up with me.
He told me he didn't want a relationship and that I was still a child and I shouldn't be told what to do by my parents although I am 16. The next day he tells me he wants to get back together and I say I need to think he then tried to call me and I was in school so I couldn't answer, he called multiple times and I said I can't so he got angry and said I don't want to get back together then.
And he's now said If i change and don't let my parents tell me what I can and can't do then we can get back together. But I don't know what to do I'm inlove with him and It's hard to let go. What should I do?
Hello Snow White :)
Have you seen the movie BRIDEWARS? It is a fantastic comedy with Kate Hudson and Anne Hathaway.
Watch it a couple of times on your own and then watch it with your boyfriend.
When you watch it on your own I want you to watch it with the word CONTROL in focus on your mind.
You see there is a level of control that men have in relationships and it is natural...its part of the dynamic between men and woman. But when we are left to nature without understanding ourselves it can all get really messy. We say and do things and its for a reason but we don't really know what that reason is so we live our lives in circles instead of rising above it all.
My first reaction to hearing about any kind of abuse in a relationship is...that it has to end. But I am not sure how much abuse there is and how regretful he is, reflecting a complete willingness to change.
You are going to have to decide alone or apart which girl you are? Are you Anne or Kate? Are you in a good controlling relationship or a bad controlling relationship.... and if you want to forget about the past and move forward, which kind of relationship do you want to build together.
Life, relationships, and even ourselves... its all just easier with a map. But we often just keep hoping we will get somewhere.
The first rule of any relationship is that there are no pre-conditions. That means neither of you can tell each other to do something for them and then they will be with you. Am sure he is a nice guy and has his share of anxieties and insecurities. But that doesn't mean that he keeps on going on with it forever. It is not a crime to be at school and not to be able to answer his calls at all times. SO before you start feeling guilty about doing anything wrong, take a deep breath and understand that you aren't at fault here.
Men generally like to be in power and show it in different ways possible. But at the same time you need to know how to tame the tiger too. You shouldn't be giving in to his silliness so easily. Being assertive is important. You don't need to be rude or macho to put that forward. This can be done very subtly too.
The point about you liking each other is also something that you will need to sit and reflect more deeply. The fear of loosing someone feels more dangerous and horrifying than to fight the evil. One thing as a girl you need to develop is patience. Men tend to say things when they are angry but don't mean them. So don't take it too seriously and learn to classify the same. Coming back to the reasons why you like him, Love is a evolving process. You may like someone at a certain point of time but once you have newer experiences, once you'll get to know each other more closely, there are possibilities that these things change.
The first thing that you need do is to establish a good line of communication with him. He has given you an absurd list of demands which you under no circumstances need to oblige. One must love you the way you are and maybe in this case he needs to be more understanding rather than being a prick about it. So stop loosing your self confidence over it. Give him some time to reflect on his actions. Maybe after a two weeks or so you can try and talk to him saying that he needs to get realistic about this. That you are willing to go to lengths only if he trusts you and respects you.
The idea of being together is to love each other and not judge each others character. I also understand that you want to give everything of yours to show him how much u love him. But by doing so without establishing the basics, you shall end up loosing the battle. So learn to be patient. If he is still being unreasonable then it is in your best interest to move in life and find someone who understands you. Am sure he might be a nice person but you both need to like each other the same amount to make this work.
As i also said that it is very natural for men to have these insecurities but dont make much of them. It generally is just a way of getting a little bit of attention from you ! :)