What do we do?
Me and my boyfriend have been together for 3 years! It has been great over the last three years and after one year I moved into his parents house with him, don't get me wrong we've had petty little arguments along the way but never anything serious. This weekend he has told be he doesn't think he has feelings for me any more, he says he loves me but isn't in love with me. This has broken my heart but he says that he wants to be with me, he says he wants to get the feelings back, he wants to feel in love with me. Ive moved back home now, but we just don't know what to do now.
Does anyone have any ideas or suggestions of what we can try to get the love back? I am open to any suggestions, we both really really want to make it work as we are both miserable right now.
It is often that we love someone and in awe with who they are and what they do...not in relation to us.
Meaning, I'm in awe with my love because of who HE is, and the way he IS regardless of if I was in the picture or not.
That is how it is at the beginning of a relationship. You see one another in THEIR world, not OUR world, which it becomes.
Have you seen THE WOMEN with Meg Ryan? Its a wonderful movie.... you will see what I mean.
We each need to have our own worlds, and then a planet for healing, sharing responsibilities, fun etc.
He has to see you from a distance, imagine you.... in YOUR WORLD.
There is SOOOO MUCH MAGIC IN MYSTERY.
Sorry to hear that this has happened, must of been hard to hear after three years. Sounds like he's been doubting things.
His words to you speak VOLUMES and (personally) i would have a hard time in thinking about giving things another go because you don't just say something like that unless you mean it. Sounds like he panicked when he told you how he felt and then tried to soften it, so he didn't feel guilty.
It's not up to you to fix things or try and make things better I think he needs to make the first (few) moves. How did he act when you moved back home? (That just came to my mind). Look at how he's acting now that you have moved back home and you're not in his company all the time anymore. How much of an effort is he actually making and are his actions backing up his words ? He needs to start making suggestions, and giving you a lot of reassurance, like now! He should not be keeping you guessing and just letting things come to a standstill. How he's acting now will give you big clues to what he actually wants.
Living with parents can be a big stress. How was that for your relationship?
Is there a reason why you two never got your own place?
May I ask your ages?
We can't afford our own place at the minute, I'm 20, he's 22. Living with his parents added no stress to our relationship they are very laid back, it was a mutual decision for me to move back home.
It's weird because now when he see's me he says that he feels happy because he enjoys himself and has a laugh but then instantly feels bad because he doesn't have the feelings that he had before.
I just don't know how or if he will be able to regain feelings for me? We've both promised to try everything and put our all into making it work I just don't think I could be without him...
Of course you can go on without him! In fact, you have been "without" him for a while, but didn't see it.
For some reason he says he has 'fallen out of love'. He really needs to explain himself, but probably does't even know why. Time will reveal all: boredom, someone else, not ready, immature, etc.
In the meantime, you need to show yourself ( and him) that you are a strong, confident woman who will live life, no matter what. This will be a challenge, but you can do it. Join a gym, change your hair color, buy yourself a new outfit, re- connect with friends and make new friends, etc. and most of all SMILE!
Imagine a garden
If you feed one area of the garden with plant food, lots of sun and water... its going to grow stronger.
If you neglect another area of the garden, it will not grow... things will wither away and you will have space to grow new plants.
He has to stop thinking about the past, and stop thinking about the downside of the relationship. EVERY relationship has its highs and lows.
What I am saying again is.... plant new seeds and nurture growth. Live your lives, do different things that you want to do. Explore, challenge yourselves... do things that do not focus on the relationship.. but that focus on life... because that is what you will be doing for the rest of your lives. You will be living your lives and just sharing experiences with one another.
If you look at the relationship and your time together like there is a problem, or that there is something that needs fixing it is only going to put more pressure on the relationship.
Its going to take time... that's all. Life is just a collection of MOMENTS. Collect moments. It isn't a consistent kind of POWER until you are mature enough and wise enough to know what life truly is.
You're young, have fun love is meant to be FUN and HEALING..
ART SPORTS EXPLORING LEARNING etc... these are what we are here to pursuit... and you are lucky to have someone to share experiences doing so.