Trying not to be a bad person
I am currently in a relationship, wonderful guy. Been together 4 years. I really think I am going to marry the guy. The idea of spending the rest of my life with him doesn't scare me. I do not believe in "one true love" and "soul mates" I feel like those concepts were created to make people feel special. I feel like I love multiple people romantically. I have been given the frustrating lecture "well obviously you don't love the first one if you love the second one" That is so far from the truth. I love my ex, I love my best friend, and I love my boyfriend all in a romantic way and I feel like I'm missing so much because of this monogamous relationship I am in. I have completely removed the from my life in an effort to forget about them and think only about this relationship but I miss them so much.
I feel guilty and confused. I have tried just talking it out with people and it always gets brought back around. I am just not satisfied with the sex and trying to have sex, or just being a hoe, or I am just missing something in my current relationship. I thought these things at first. I figured I am just to sexually promiscuous, I just have no self discipline, or maybe I just have commitment issues. I have tucked these thoughts and feelings away for years now. My boyfriend does not deserve to be hurt because I am confused so I haven't acted on anything. This doesn't feel like its about sex. I want so much more from. This feels so real and it was hard and upsetting to cut them out. It felt like a full blown break up. I miss them even after all this time. Is this normal? Is the problem really me just being a greedy child?
Make yourself the best you that you can be... and then consider marriage.
Take time to create a relationship with yourself.
You will both be happier in the long run.
In fact, after being sober.... you might decide you want something totally different out of life. You are VERY intelligent and those paths in your mind that I mentioned on your other post.... could be used to power whatever you chose to focus on.
Have you seen BURNT with Bradley Cooper? This guy was on a lot of drugs, but then focused his energy on cooking and he became an incredible chef. Sober.
Look at the world... look at all of the different kinds of things there are to do, try some out, ....nothing comes easy at the beginning, but there are some things that you will try and try again at... and then all of a sudden, one day ...the force will be with you and you will master the art that you have chosen.
Even if it isnt a leading position, maybe its living with the PURPOSE. of wanting to IMPROVE ON LIFE. And sometimes that means being a great customer service representative offering kindness and respect to others. There is another movie to watch, ROBOTS, its a cartoon film.
FIND YOUR PURPOSE. And have fun searching... because life is a wonderful journey... today is the first day of the rest of your life.