Trying to find life outside of drugs
I have been drinking and doing drugs since I was 14. Now I don't think I am a drug addict. I have yet to have a problem with any one drug but I am starting to think I have a problem with being high. I don't drink or do any drugs every day but a good majority of my off days. So far how it happens is I will get into a drug for awhile then stop doing it but then I will find a different one to do. Never had any money problems, never had to pick drugs over food or anything. I think I am a functioning drug addict maybe.
My problem is I have recently had to quit drinking because of health issues. I also had to quit smoking weed. I had quit for many years but started up again about a year ago but weed does not affect me well. I just become to complacent and way to lazy and gained a bunch of weight, I wanted to get my life back so I quit. I didn't realize this before but I have not hung out with my friends sober in years. It is awful, I feel
awkward and don't know what to do. I am starting to feel really down. I feel like there is nothing to do. There are all these cool outdoors activities but I am struggling to find an interest in them sober. Last couple weekends I have been getting hard drugs, I have done them before
I have had my binges with them in the past. Now I am not worried that I am going to get addicted per say, I'm just struggling on what to do next. I do not want to keep replacing drugs with other drugs. I am concerned that my past drug is the reason I struggle to find motivation or find myself being down for no reason.
How do I get myself back? I was completely clean for 2 straight months to prove to myself that I can but also to see if I would get some of my natural motivation and happy back but I felt pretty down and bored at the end of the two months. How do I turn this around? How do I stay entertained sober? How do you just flip the switch in your head to enjoy things sober again? My motivation to stay clean is almost totally shot when being sober feels worse.
Your post is amazing. You have so much insight into yourself and I am not sure if you realize it. Two statements that you made were particularly powerful.
"I am concerned that my past drug is the reason I struggle to find motivation or find myself being down for no reason".
"How do I get myself back?"
You are absolutely right, we are always creating patterns in our mind with what we experience and those patterns create paths that energy flows through. Different experiences create different paths, the more powerful the experience the more powerful the path. So when you take a drug you are creating VERY powerful paths in your brain. Each path that is created wants to be used again. Our sense of balance changes because we have changed the landscape of our mind. The paths created leave a deep impression that we can fall into.
If you were to walk in a forest would you use the trail of go through the bush? We want to take the trail and the more we use it the easier it is for us to walk through. Our mind is the same. The problem is that because of our experiences our energy finds easy ways to flow through us, and it doesn't work to create new paths.
This is why the world is focused on yoga, meditation, prayer and other activities that create relaxed and peaceful paths through the mind.
We must take control. We must have an awareness of how energy is flowing through us and learn how to balance and center ourselves.
I used to be addicted to drugs and the first thing I did was, I changed my environment. I went somewhere that drugs would not even be considered acceptable. I went to my childhood home where I was reminded of what LIFE was to me. Life was all about dancing, music, nature, films, and although there were some very negative forces, there were positive ones too and what I needed was to be somewhere I could be a kid again. In order to fight off the physical cravings of drugs I jogged. It is important to find a sport that uses those paths that I mentioned. Jogging releases natural drugs in the mind, and it kept my heart rate up, two strong elements in most drugs. Find physical activity to do and stay on a clean diet, meaning limit oil and sugars.
The other statement you made was HOW DO I GET MYSELF BACK?
Your answer is in the question. WHO ARE YOU? WHAT IS MYSELF? Identity is the key for everyone's success, we have to know who we are. Get a notebook and write your name on it. Fill this book with all of the things that describe the REAL YOU. Your character, your skills, your talents, your attitude, what you think, see, say, do. You want to fill the book up with reflections of you and you want to promote your own growth. What kind of person are you and who do you want to be?
It is VERY important to have a complete and accurate reflection of ourselves.
Write in this book as often as you can and READ IT EVERY DAY.
This will support your process of realization, helping you create a strong belief system. There is a big difference between 'knowing something to be true' and believing it and when we believe it..... it carries us... instead of you having to work so hard.
Next to IDENTITY, The most important thing to have is VISION.
You need to redefine what LIFE is. You see, THAT is the gift that we have in life. We get to choose our PURPOSE, we get to choose our DREAMS, we get to choose our life. You have a lot of open paths in your mind that are waiting to filled, fill your life up with all the activities, challenges, interests, subjects that you can.
LIFE IS ... JUST ONE EXPERIENCE AFTER ANOTHER AFTER ANOTHER AFTER ANOTHER AFTER ANOTHER AFTER ANOTHER... UNTIL WE PASS.
One activity, one challenge...
Make your new HIGH Control over yourself and the achievement of different challenges.
What can this earthling control itself to do?? Be an explorer of life on this incredible planet.
These are things that will fill up your PATH. Have you heard Justin Timberlake's song KEEP LOOKING MY WAY?
The movie STEALTH with Jamie Fox and Jessica Biel. Look at how the UCAB, the automated fighter pilot is programmed (like a computer). What you put in, you can get out, right? You are the same, you just have to change your programming.
I hope this was helpful... feel free to bounce back :)
This is incredibly insightful. And hopeful really. I understand that changing mind sets is definitely something that needs to be done I am struggling to actually accomplish this. The positive constructive activities I could be doing just don't seem interesting to me anymore. I can't help but feel the more I get into a clean life style I am going to be miserable. Each time I try to get into a routine of working out dieting and being all around productive I start to get frustrated and feel unfulfilled and just all around unhappy. Any steps I can take to try and change my mind set on those things?
I think that you KNOW that you need to change, it's why you have tried before, its why you are posting here, and with all of the information that we have surrounding us about the importance of health your soul hears the message.
You KNOW that you need to change, but you do not BELIEVE it. You are not ALIVE in it, you are not ENGAGED with it.
In order to encourage processes of realization and belief you have to continue to surround yourself with TRUTH.
You have to spend some time looking at WHY you need to change. Facts like, you could die from drugs, drugs are being cut with more and more poisonous ingredients, drugs is a way of life that you have to keep supporting when there are other lifestyle choices that will support you, drugs could land you in jail, drugs destroy innocent peoples lives, drugs bring guns and violence to neighborhoods, drugs weaken all of our systems making us age with more risks for more problems, drugs make us live in fear....
There is all kinds of information that you need to collect and keep in your perspective to help you realize the truth.
Get a notebook and start collecting your thoughts on The past, The present and the Future, or the WHY, WHO I AM and WHERE I WANT TO GO.
Motivation to change that will inspire interest in other activities is going to come by focusing on the TRUTH. Look at other people, really look at their lives, watch films, look at what people are doing with their lives. We each get to choose our own reality based on our experiences.
JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE and TI, have an amazing song... DEAD AND GONE. Check it out and add it to your playlist.
Lots of artists have songs about MIRRORS, Michael Jackson has MAN IN THE MIRROR, Lil Wayne has a song, Justin Timberlake, Eminem.. and many more. You have to see yourself and you have to WANT TO CHANGE, to want more for yourself.
50 cent's ANIMAL AMBITION is another CD that reflects the mind of someone that is living with the drug lifestyle CHOICES, a reflection of truth that helps us all see that there are better places to be, better CHOICES we can make in life for more freedom.
Collect the truths, collect the art... that will support you and the direction that you want to head in.
YOU HAVE TO BE THE PRINCIPAL, THE TEACHER AND THE STUDENT IN AND FOR YOUR OWN LIFE.
You have been experimenting with drugs... start experimenting with yourself. What can YOU get yourself to do?
As for the feelings of unhappiness, it is going to take some time. You are transitioning from the HIGH life to reality and there is a sharp contrast at the beginning. You are going to have to keep finding healthy things to do until THAT becomes the NORM. Remind yourself that it is just science, it's the patterns in your brain that are making you feel unfulfilled.
Try different things, and different things will work at different times, sometimes it might be beneficial for you to join a community group and connect with other people that enjoying every day activities. Sometimes it will mean just reading a book alone. Sometimes you will want to be really physically active, sometimes you will need to self nurture. You are out of natural balance right now and you need to find it. Instead of creating a program and forcing yourself to follow it allow yourself some flexibility with a list of options. You need to get centered so that the INNER YOU is in control, and not the patterns the drugs have created in your mind, not the habits.
There is a lot of information online, pinrest and other websites that will teach you how to do your own DETOX to help you design a diet that will help clear your system out so that you crave less. Make lots of notes, encourage your own processes of realization, engage in what you are doing, and be proud of each step that you take, celebrate yourself and celebrate life. LIFE WILL BE YOUR NEW HIGH.
There is a lot of information in these posts that you should write in your notebook and keep on review... and to use as a start of a collection of other truths that will support you. This notebook will serve as a tool that will support A BRAIN TRANSPLANT. Just like anything in life, the more we review and study something, the more it becomes a part of us. You are conditioned, and the past can become less relevant to your future the more you build your future.
The other idea that I suggest and its something that I put myself through.... I gave myself a REBIRTH, meaning, I spent my time and energy going through life again. I was a baby for some time, where is all I did was sleep and eat and take care of the very basics, then I was a child that slept and ate and played a little, then I was an older child, an adolescent, a young adult, a woman... you get the idea. Doing this helps us refocus our mind on what is REAL. What is NEEDED. What LIFE is. It gave me permission to be someone other than what I had built. I started life all over again and you can to. BUILD with a stronger foundation so that you can self actualize, so that you can find YOUR DESTINY.
What do you think the significance of the PYRAMIDS is?
There is so much in life to discover and understand, and there is so much within you. Get interested in TRUTH.
One of my favorite songs right now is on DJ KHALED's new CD GRATEFUL.
Its the first song I think, with SIZZLA. There is another song with Justin Beiber, another with Beyonce and another with NAS that are INCREDIBLE. I hope that you check them out.
DJ Khaled made this CD for his new son Ashad, the power line in the song is....
"I am so grateful for all that you have done to bless yourself with the riches of life.."
It IS OUR Responsibility to bless ourselves.
Anything illegal is a problem for anyone using it. Getting caught for possession or DWI really ruins your ability to find decent employment for the rest of your life unfortunately. One option is to move to a state where your drug of choice is available if you won't stop using but it sounds like your motivated to stop now and have given it some thought. The definition of addiction includes using despite negative consequences, dependency- this includes regular use, cravings and can be displayed through binges as well. FInding sobriety through many pathways is available, such as stopping on your
own, finding a support system with others practicing sobriety, this can be a 12 step program, or celebrate recovery program which are both nation wide. There are also sober living homes, college recovery programs, and treatment centers if you can't do it on your own. The recovery world is there for you anytime you want it.